The semester is over, and while it was one of the most difficult I have had so far, I also learned more than I usually do. I learned about who I am as a person. I gave and received grace to my students and from my professors. I continue to try to reconcile my faith with my actions. I watched as one friend destroyed a relationship, and witnessed other friends begin theirs. I saw a friend define herself, graduate, and become a more amazing woman before my eyes. I watched as my students grew more into who they want to be, and I allowed them to help shape me into the teacher I want to be. I learned more than I ever thought I wanted to know about Modernism(s) and Modernity, time and the Renaissance, and Gilroy and the Black Atlantic. More importantly, I survived. And, I am a better woman for it. I defended fat kids everywhere at an International Conference and had a professor tell me that body studies and queer theory are trendy.
I know now more than ever who I want to be. I can glimpse how I might go about getting there. I want people to look at me and want what I have. I want to rise above the pettiness of this world, change it into love and peace, and help people to know that all we have right now is how we treat other people. We can stop hoping that things will be better in the life to come, and make it happen right here, right now. We can stop insisting that everything will come together in the end, and make it come together now.
Here is what I want: I want to teach literature. Somewhere. Someday. And I want to give grace and receive grace on a daily basis.
I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.