Category Archives: Religion

Humbling Experiences All Around

Posted on 14 February 2010 | 1 comment

Have you ever simply looked around and realized that when you open up and let God have [Their] way with you, you see humbling experiences all around?

That experience could be a friend who loses a child, a students’ mother who has cancer, a friend who is honest about her theological struggles, or a significant other who works hard even in the face of adversity. And somehow, they all seem to handle it with so much more grace than you think you ever could. They seem to dance and swirl in and around these adversities while you plod and thud and generally make a mess of navigating the obstacle course. You trip; they glide. And that’s just how it is. But you recognize it and are humbled by the grace of it all.

Maybe the experience comes in the quirky voice of a young pastor who encourages you to figure out who you really are, and who equates the story of our lives to writing, reminding us that it’s character that drives the story. “Plot grows out of character,” says Anne Lamott. If you have no character, you have a bad plot. What is your character? How is it shaping your plot? Our plot?

Maybe the experience comes in a class in which you feel you don’t belong, but the professor reminds you that you, too, are a teller of truth. You still feel desperately inadequate, and you hope, beyond hope, that you might actually write something that makes you feel less so.

Maybe the experience comes when you learn that people don’t perceive your actions the way you intend for them to perceive them, that they don’t get who you are and what you are about. They don’t understand that more than anything else you respect all of humanity, trying each day to see Jesus inside each body, each heart, each mind.

Maybe that experience comes when you have such an intense respect for others you have a physiological response to homelessness that isn’t pity, but something deeper that you can’t name. Your heart doesn’t break, but you wish that instead of learning from them, you could find something inside yourself to teach.

Maybe these experiences happen all around you, all the time, but you just can’t see them unfolding. Maybe you are so caught up in making your story work that you can’t see the things God is trying to make work for you. That is who I am most of the time, but I am trying to see God’s hand in it, and I am working to let God write my story, and I am seeking to be the character I think I am meant to be. And it’s humbling.

This isn’t the most exciting video, but I think the words go well with how I am feeling right now.

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I am thankful for finishing another draft.

Food: banana, juice, oatmeal, chocolate milk, cookies, rice noodle soup, granola bar, diet 7-Up, rice crackers, two pieces of pizza and bread sticks, Taddy Porter

Exercise: walked the dogs, walked home from church, ran 3 miles, rode bike from RB to church

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Seeing the crowd, Jesus went up on the mountain and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them. Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for their is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for the they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you.

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Posted in Beer, Biking, Dissertation, Food, Grace, Homelessness, Relationships, Religion, Running, Vegetarian or Vegan

Shortbread, Prayer Ropes, and Sermons on Mountains

Posted on 11 February 2010 | Leave a comment

I have been having a craving for shortbread lately. I tried to satiate that need with Lorna Doones, but as much as I love those flaky little cookies, they just weren’t fulfilling my needs. So I decided to make some homemade shortbread. With its half a cup of butter and whole cup of sugar, I am sure the shortbread, which will transfer from refrigerator to oven in just a few short minutes, will melt in my mouth like Rufus Wainwright or K.D. Lang singing Hallelujah. Sweet, smooth, and sexy. Can shortbread be sexy?

Last night after I started contemplating Lent, I looked for my prayer rope. I couldn’t find it anywhere, and, quite frankly, I was feeling pretty forlorn. This morning, however, I remembered that the last place I used it was in bed. I went through this phase where I would wake up in the morning and pray the Jesus prayer the entire way around the rope before I even got out of bed. Apparently, when I abandoned that notion, I left the prayer rope on the bedside bookshelf and the cats then knocked it behind the shelf. I had to move the shelf in order to find it, but I am glad it was there.

While I rode the bus to school this morning I prayed. I began by reciting the Apostle’s Creed. Well, I recited it as well as I could from memory. I get a little jumbly right around the holy catholic church part. I then prayed the Jesus prayer ten times in a row, once for each knot, praying the Lord’s prayer at each cold, blue plastic bead, and then continuing around until I returned to the cross at the beginning where I again recited the Apostle’s Creed. I decided that I need to learn a few more prayers to pray along the rope because the Lord’s Prayer gets to be a little rote after praying it ten times. I think I am going to mix in a little scripture or a Hail, Mary or a Franciscan prayer or something.

I decided that I am going to try to (re)memorize the Sermon on the Mount during the 40-odd days of Lent, but I wanted to get a head start on the project so I read through Matthew 5-7 today. I am going to break the text up so that I only have to memorize three or four verses each day. Today through Ash Wednesday is the longest portion of Scripture to memorize, which is the Beatitudes. I think I am doing pretty well. This is what I know without looking (the bold is what I didn’t know): Jesus went up on the mountain and his disciples gathered around him. He opened up his mouth and said to them: Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful for they shall be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who are reviled and persecuted and slandered for my namesake. Rejoice and be glad for great is your reward in heaven because they equally persecuted the prophets who were before you.

About 50%. Epic fail. I think it is difficult because I am trying to memorize it in a different version this time. Before, I used the New King James, and now I am trying the English Standard Version. Before it’s over I think I am going to switch to the tNIV. I mean shouldn’t peacemakers be children of God, not sons of God?

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I am thankful for days when class goes so well.

Exercise: walked the dogs, 35 minutes on the evil machine

Food: oatmeal, chocolate milk, juice, salad with dirt in it, Minestrone soup, chocolate milk, two fake-chicken parmesan sandwiches, cauliflower, homemade vegan berry mango ice-cream, beer

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Posted in Food, Grace, Religion

Lent-y Goodness.

Posted on 10 February 2010 | 1 comment

I suppose I shouldn’t attempt to add one more thing to my already packed days, but Lent is coming. It’s coming next Wednesday to be exact. Or if you’re Orthodox, Clean Monday is, well, next Monday. No offense to my Catholic friends, but the Orthodox are hardcore, much more so than the Catholics; they don’t take Monday and Tuesday to live it up. Lent starts on the Monday before Ash Wednesday, instead of the Ash Wednesday after Fat Tuesday. There is no Mardi Gras for the solemn Orthodox. You are supposed to begin cleansing yourself and looking toward the forty-odd days ahead. Great Lent.

I just learned that for the staunch Orthodox observer Lent involves a strict, almost vegan, fasting, just for a portion of the days though. Of course, giving up all of those animal products is indicative of Christ’s suffering and our willingness to follow him to the cross. More importantly, though, the Orthodox fast for Lent calls the follower to give up olive oil and wine. How is a Greek expected to cook anything decent without olive oil? And, is using corn or canola oil cheating? What about drinks? What do you serve to drink with dinner if you can’t have wine? I guess most of my answers can be found here, at the Orthodox Church of America’s website.

What cannot be found on their website are my own answers about my own spirituality. I have not been practicing any form of spiritual practice lately, and I haven’t been to church for two weeks. I feel like I don’t have time for God, which is not a good place to be in. I am writing this dissertation about spirituality, and I don’t have time for God? That doesn’t add up. So, my goal for Lent is to be more mindful of God, more mindful of my actions, and more mindful of others. I need to spend time contemplating God, God’s creation, and the ways God continually blesses me, even when I don’t take the time to notice.

What form will this increased mindfulness take? I am not sure. I might begin by picking up my prayer rope, which I haven’t used in a while. I might continue by re-memorizing (for long term memorization this time) the Sermon on the Mount. I might try meditating on the glories of nature while I run. I might even read a theological text or two over the course of the forty days. I do know that I will do something, because I feel a new kind of vacuum growing in my soul. I am having trouble coping with things that normally wouldn’t cause a minor blip on my screen. So, of course, I feel a little guilty like a good Greek girl should.

When I have troubles, I go runnin’ back to Jesus. But when life is good, I fail to give him any recognition. I have no excuse. I think this is what Lent is for: thinking about these things. It’s a time of joyful, but contemplative, purification. I am purifying my spirit by acknowledging my lack of acknowledgment. I see no reason to get to Lent each year and realize that I still have not been cognizantly acknowledging God throughout the year, and yet each year I get to this point in the church calendar and find myself at a loss for words. And not in a good way.

I can’t even say, maybe this will be the year in which I remain attentive to my Christian life throughout the year. I know it won’t be. I know that at this time next year, I will think to myself, Oh, shit, it’s Lent again, and I need to figure out where I am spiritually. I will be in much the same place I am now, and still unhappy with who I am in Christ. Maybe that is the secret to a fulfilling Christian life, to continually recognize how little we are growing. Maybe it’s like AA and you have to admit your problem. Hi, my name is Corby and I am a stagnant Christian, I would say at the first meeting. I am not growing. Right now. Well, maybe a little. It takes time to grow. This song reminds me of how God loves us, whether or not we grow by leaps and bounds.

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I am thankful for the liturgical calendar because it reminds me each year how far I have to go and have far I have come.

Food: banana, juice, pure bar, chili, soy peanut butter sandwich, chocolate milk, pizza and bread sticks, cauliflower

Exercise: walked dogs, 35 minutes on the evil machine, walked from Burris to RB

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Posted in Dissertation, Food, Grace, Religion, Vegetarian or Vegan, Winter Weather

Sherlock. Writing. Coffee Shops. Emerson.

Posted on 20 January 2010 | 6 comments

I started reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and so far, I am intrigued. I posted the quote, “Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts,” as my Facebook status, and I had more than one response that said it reminded them of some evangelicals. This, in turn, made me think about how I present my ideas about theological concepts, or my ideas about anything for that matter. Do I present them as if I have twisted the facts to suit my preconceived ideas, or do I try to let the facts guide me into a new and different understanding? I would hope that I practice the latter, but I am not sure that I always do. I think too many times, as humans, we do not recognize the fact that we actually twist facts and ideas to fit what we already believe. And, I think it is good to know this about ourselves, so we are better able to handle the way we process ideas and engage with other people whose ideas differ from ours.

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Yesterday when I was at the bookstore picking up my books for teaching, I saw a book called Now Write! Nonfiction, which is a collection of writing tips and exercises designed by some well known creative nonfiction writers and essayists. The first exercise is to write down moments that stop you in your tracks, then to elaborate on those ideas picking out the common threads. The idea is that you will then be able to chose one or all of those moments to elaborate and make some kind of coherent meaning. I am waiting for my first “stopped me in my tracks” moment. Then I will wait for another, then another. Then I will slowly weave them together into an essay.

Okay. One day. I will do that right after I actually finish reading through the Bible in a year, which I have been working on since my seventh grade lock-in, the first event that I attended at the Wesleyan Church. I think Susan Wolfgang challenged us to do that after one of the speakers talked about memorizing Scripture. She also challenged us to memorize a whole chapter of the Bible. I did end up doing that in seminary. Well, actually I memorized three chapters, but I don’t remember them verbatim, although I did retain their themes and subjects. The three chapters I memorized are Matthew 5,6, and 7, the Sermon on the Mount. The most Buddhist passage of Christian Scripture ever written. Or the most socialist, as a friend of mine would argue. I think it is both somehow.Can you be Buddhist and socialist? Wikipedia says yes.

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I just read an article in the Ball State Daily news about Vecino’s Coffee Shop. Guy says it a “third-wave coffee shop.” If that is anything like third-wave feminism, then I am not sure it is going to do much. In fact, I am not sure it will do anything at all.  At the very least the article was filled with Guy’s usual coffee-related pompousness. Almost straight up obnoxiousness, but with a little decorative foam in the shape of concentric and contiguous hearts. Fancy. Guy claims that he is only one of two third-wave coffee houses in Indiana. From the what he says in the article, the Blue Bottle does most of the same things: roasts their own beans, grinds their own beans, free pours lattes, and serves well-made coffee. I guess their sin is adding flavors. Shame. they should learn how to make some fig-leaves with their foam and cover their nakedness. Dirty.

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Finally, today my students read Emerson. They were supposed to read Thoreau, too, but we only got through talking about Emerson. They did a great job with both exerpts from Nature and Self-Reliance. I think I want to get part of my sleeve tattoo of this paragraph from Self-Reliance:

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

Or at least this part of it: “It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.” But, I want it around the outside or underneath this labyrinth:Or maybe this one because Jane and I walked it together in San Francisco:I think that would be a sweet tattoo. Maybe get it done in bright greens and purples. We’ll see. The first one I am doing, provided I have the money, is my new one on my foot. I plan to do it right after we run the Indy-Mini. I figure I can take a week off after the race. I may do it right before I go to Merideth’s wedding. I may wait. Who knows.

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I am thankful for new experiences and learning to love things I previously didn’t (Emerson).

Food: banana, juice, pure bar, chocolate milk, Tootsie rolls, almonds, cheese, apple, two tangerines, vegan lasagna, grapefruit, tea

Exercise: dog walking, ran 30 minutes, swam a mile, walked from Burris to RB

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Posted in Coffee, Food, Reading, Religion, Running, School, Swimming, Teaching, Writing

Chocolate Chip Pancakes. Lots of Them.

Posted on 14 January 2010 | 6 comments

Tonight I went with an old friend to IHOP, so I could fill out a form for her. She wants to be in ministry/leadership training at her church. She goes to Madison Park Church, which has the most janky survey/recommendation sheet that I have ever seen for ministry positions in a church their size. Despite the fact that this sheet was for lay-ministry positions, you would think that a church like theirs would be able to actually use proper grammar and spelling on its forms. Also, I wanted to ask whoever decided to put some of the questions on the form, would any of the disciples or early church leaders have qualified for leadership positions in your church?

Seriously, the first question asks if the person is clean, hygenic, and dressed appropriately. Well, sorry, John the Baptist, but your camel skin loin cloth just doesn’t cut it, so we’ve not approved you for leadership. And, it’s a little creepy the way you keep eating locusts and yelling about straight paths.  It scares the children, so we think you might consider simply being a parishioner rather than trying to be a leader.

The second question leaves Peter out: does this person have an appropriate attitude for ministry? Because Peter, Paul, John, and other disciples/early leaders always maintained proper attitudes and played fair. How many ministry partners did Paul go through?

I don’t remember all of the questions verbatim, but the third question pretty much excludes anyone who takes the verse that says, “If anyone comes to me, and does not hate father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, and even his or her own life, that person cannot be my disciple,” to heart. That Scripture, Luke 14:26, also throws out the question about mental health. Hating yourself is probably a sign of some mental illness, which theoretically disqualifies someone from leadership. I assume if the questions aren’t designed to weed people out based on their unfavorable characteristics, then they wouldn’t be asked. 

At any rate, I had lots of chocolate chip pancakes. It really makes no sense to run and bike and watch what I eat and then turn right around and eat seven pancakes covered with delicious chocolate chips and whipped cream. I couldn’t help myself; they had me at “All You Can Eat Pancakes 24 Hours a Day”! I also have two chocolate, chocolate chip pancakes in the refrigerator for breakfast tomorrow. Mmmm.

On the way to my house after dinner, we were talking about ethical corporations. I need to think more about my feelings toward companies attempting to live ethically. It is certainly one thing for a person to try to make ethical choices, but it is entirely another for an entire (sometimes multi-million dollar, several thousand employee) company to consistently make ethical choices.

It was interesting to hear Julie’s take on this topic since she has an MBA from Notre Dame. For the most part, I think we agree on this, but I am a little more strict on what I think it means to be an ethical business. Mostly, I think this is due to the fact that I want to hold companies to an individual ethical standard, forgetting that they are trying to make broad-scale decisions for many people and with a much more broad-sweeping impact on the world. Probably it is due to my lack of business experience and over-concern with some ethical issues.

I forget how difficult it is for me, as one person, to hold to my own created ethical standards. It must be infinite times more difficult for an entire company to uphold a consistent ethic. It’s sort of like extrapolating personal choices out multiple times and expecting them not to get watered down. How much more difficult is it to get a large group of people to buy into ethical ideas and behaviors and then to maintain those standards while still being able to make a profit? I would argue quite a bit.

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I am thankful that Jesus doesn’t require a questionnaire, and that I expect a certain level of corporate ethics from all businesses I support.

Exercise: walked from Burris to Puerto, from Burris to RB

Food: banana, juice, granola bar, potato enchiladas, rice, chips and salsa, decaf tall soy caramel macchiato, peanuts, chocolate chip pancakes

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Posted in Fat, Food, Grace, Relationships, Religion, Running