Category Archives: Teaching

Healing. Grading. Too Many Sweets, Not Enough Exercise.

I am enjoying Gayl Jones’ The Healing and looking forward to meeting with Debbie to talk about my dissertation. I think I like and dislike The Healing for the same reason: the stream of consciousness is both beautiful and unnerving. I am tired of the repetition, but I am drawn in by it. Of course, I am only on page 16, so I will let you know tomorrow night how the book plays out. I can already tell, though, that it will fit well, at least for background or supplementary material, for my dissertation. There is a whirlwind of religion, spirituality, healing, redemption, slavery, and sexuality all swirling around together. I am excited to see how it plays out.

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I still have a few papers to grade, ones that were turned in late. For the most part, I am pleased with their argument papers, and I look forward to seeing their multimodal presentations. Some papers need a bit of work, but that is what revision is for. In fact, that is why I switched to using portfolios. I wanted my students to recognize that their “final” draft isn’t really final, that writing can always be revised, improved upon, moved closer to perfection.

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I feel like a slug. I have eaten too many sweets in the past couple of days and not done any substantial exercise. I was supposed to run five miles on Saturday, but I graded papers instead. I was supposed to run the same five miles on Sunday, but I graded instead. And, I have been grading both mornings this week instead of running. Basically, I feel horrible because I have eaten way too much crap and not done one little bit of exercise to offset it. Tomorrow morning I will walk the dogs with Bec and I will run.

I had coffee last night with my friend, Lyn, and I worked yesterday morning with my friend, Molly. If I could be around the two of them everyday, I would never have a bad day. What magical women!

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The making of a slug. Or, I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.


Exercise: walked to Burris from RB, rode bike back to RB

Food: banana, apple, swiss cheese sandwich, orange/tangerine juice, too many M&Ms, one piece of pizza, three breadsticks, PBJ Uncrustable, Jones Cream Soda

I Know Why.

I know why homeless people stay homeless. As I was riding my bike in the rain to the mission this morning, I thought to myself, ‘This is why some homeless people get stuck in poverty. If I didn’t have a job or a home, how could I get one?’ I thought about this because it was raining pretty hard and my tires on my bicycle were spitting water all over my pants. By the time I got to the mission, I was drenched, cold, and out of breath. If I had been a person who was unemployed and on my way to a job interview, there would have been absolutely nothing I could have done about my appearance. My pants were literally soaked through. My underwear are still a little soggy and it is exactly twelve hours later. How many people do you think would hire a person who can’t even show up for her interview looking halfway presentable? Is there anywhere that will let you work the first couple of weeks until you can afford to buy a uniform? What if you still can’t afford a uniform after the first two weeks? What if you can’t afford to pay your water bill and don’t have perfectly clean clothes each day? I think about this frequently because I wonder how people are supposed to get a leg up when we place such high expectations on people in the work force. Surely there is somewhere that helps people help themselves, but I don’t hold my breath.

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Today was writing club: Write On! Huh? One of the students led the group today. He brought a prompt, which was a list of fifty words. We picked numbers between one and fifty, then used the words that corresponded with the numbers in a story of 300-500 words. The words were pretty lame, according to the student, but I made my first (lame) foray into writing fiction using these words:  plastic grocery bag, candles, large drink cup, mustache, and poster.

It Seemed Like Child’s Play

I stopped in front of the wanted poster hanging outside the candy store next to the grocery store on our town square. “Small Town USA,” our town motto rang in my ears. I moved here when I had a child, so she would be safe. I thought there was too much crime in the big city to raise children there.

Usually they wear leisure suits with wide lapels in these posters. Apparently, the perpetrator’s wardrobe updates end in the late seventies. This man was no exception. Movie villains are always well-dressed and looking for a good time. Slick mustache and hair combed straight back: every movie villain has the same style. Sometimes the hair covers a bald spot. Sometimes the bald spot shows through. But this wasn’t a movie villain. This was a man who had been spotted in our town.  This was simply a pervert looking for a good time.

I stood there looking at the poster, thinking about how it resembled a B-movie poster when the wind picked up, cold and fast, bringing with it a large drink cup wrapped in a plastic grocery bag. The whirlwind circled around me as if it was trying to tell me something, like Lassie explaining that Timmy fell into the well. I ignored the icy gust, and kept staring into the eyes of this man in front of me, shuddering and thinking about my beautiful daughter and how this man was loose in our neighborhood. All I could think of was his sleezy mustache and greasy comb over. They consumed me. They haunted me. They made my skin prick with cold.

The wind howled around the building, the plastic grocery bag crinkled and scraped its way across the parking lot, taking with it the cup, which must have been empty. The pair blowing across the pavement made me wonder about their former contents. Someone’s lunch. An after work snack. Halloween candy collected by a small child. I put my collar up to shield my neck from the sudden cold, and thought about the mustache and the hair. This man with his piercing stare could be anywhere, lurking, waiting for a small child to pass his way.

I began to question. Was the grocery bag clutched by small hands, greedily collecting falling leaves? Those could have been my daughter’s hands wrapped tightly around the plastic handles, waiting for a piece of penny candy. They could have been the hands of the boy next door, holding the bag for his father on the way home from the store. Had the pervert’s dry, cracked hands, having been run across his greasy hair, having caressed the ends of his mustache, gripped that large Styrofoam cup? Had his lips pulled the soda through straw to quench his thirst?

Now the drink was gone, the contents of the bag were gone, and the child was gone. I thought about how scared my mother had been that I would be kidnapped as a child, and now I had my own worries. But my morose imagination had run away with me. When the wind whipped past my collar and began to sting my eyes, I remembered I needed to pick up candles for my daughter’s birthday cake.

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Exercise: biked to the mission then to Burris

Food: banana, milk, two Bliss chocolates, Clif bar, tea, apple, almonds, pumpkin spice steamer, sun chips, pasta with stir fry, M&Ms

Grading Again.

I spent the day grading essays, comics, and reflections. I am coming to realize that grading is more about my response to my students’ writing and creating of texts than it is about sorting the students into some predetermined category of A, B, C, D, or F. Does that make it anymore enjoyable? No. I still feel like I don’t get enough time to work with my students one on one in order to explain the remarks I put on their papers. I still feel like I am, with one letter, telling my students where they fit in the academic food chain. Even though I know that grading is about molding their writing writing into acceptable forms and structures, I feel like I spend more time considering whether or not I am meeting the grading criteria set forth by the rubric. I can be organic and work with them to revise and edit their papers, but at the end of the day their success comes down to one letter on a sheet of paper. I know I must give the grades, because I know my place in the food chain as well. However, I cannot grade without hearing my brother’s high school guidance counselor telling him that he wasn’t college material. I can hear that voice telling my brother, who now has a master’s degree, to give up on his dreams. I don’t want to be that voice, but I also don’t want to be the professor who passes people who have no business going on, who can’t write well enough to pass their other classes. It’s hard to balance ethical grading with my sort of hippie desire to see everyone succeed.

Here’s a link to an article by Mike Rose that sort of highlights part of my struggle and one of his books, The Mind at Work.

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Exercise: walked the dogs 1.4 miles, rode the bike to Burris to 505 to RB to home (I was supposed to run, but had to grade.)

Food: banana, juice, almonds, swiss cheese sandwich, milk, tea, apple, two pieces of veggie pizza, four breadsticks with nacho cheese

Chaperoning. Yellow Boat.

I chaperoned a high school dance tonight. I will write more later because I am tired, but I wanted to make sure to get my food and exercise written down before I forgot what I did and what I ate.

About the dance: it was a blast! I love being around high school students who are encouraged to be themselves while also respecting the adults around them. Occasionally, a student will say something that I would never have dreamed of saying to my teacher, something that borders on, or straight up is, disrespectful, but I never feel like I have to strong-arm my students into behaving appropriately. For the most part, they just do what they are supposed to do.

This dance was a good example. We had to break up very few couples who were dancing too closely, and I feel like they were mostly Academy kids because I didn’t recognize them. They complied without much cajoling. Only one couple worked their way across the floor where they thought they wouldn’t be spotted. When they were spotted, they simply stopped the grinding and recognized the fact that they were defeated.

The other part about chaperoning a dance at Burris is the students do the work. They came when they said they would and did the set up, which cracked me up. I remember the few dances I went to in high school. The cafeteria or the gym were essentially transformed into dance halls and the picture sets were elaborately wrought. These students strung about ten strands of lights through the weird sound barriers hanging from the ceiling and called it a dance. The picture area hay, since it was Sadie Hawkins, was supposed to be supplied by a girl with a stable. She was sick, so they went with the Friday the 13th theme of bad luck and put a ladder and an open umbrella in the back ground. Pretty low-key. Just like I like it.

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Exercise: walked the dogs 2 miles, rode my bike from RB to Burris to house back to Burris and back home

Food: pumpkin bread, two eggs, milk, Clif bar, apple, Puerto Vallarta potato enchiladas, chips, and salsa

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On Saturday, I went to see David in the Yellow Boat, which I will also write more about later. It was the best play I think he has been in. In fact, it was amazing.

The Yellow Boat is a play based on a child’s life with hemophilia and eventual death from AIDS related complications. I loved the way IPFW chose to portray this play, too. They used a raked, hard wood flooring covered stage with minimal scenery and costuming. Compared to other interpretations I found online, I liked IPFW’s because it forced the audience to enter the mind of the child and to imagine the different scenes. They used ribbons, fabric, and boxes for props, which increased the feelings of nakedness and isolation experienced by the main characters, Benjamin and his parents. It made me cry for about the last third of the play, from Benjamin’s infection with HIV to the end. In fact, the way they chose to show his infection impacted my emotional response, and it was clever to use black ribbons along with the red-blood ribbons to show the HIV entering his body. I was moved in ways I haven’t been since I saw Where the Wild Things Are.

Interestingly, I found a book online called Theater for Young Audiences. In it Maurice Sendak talks about the initial reception of his book, but one of the plays included in the book is The Yellow Boat. I assume the author includes plays that are not typically thought of as plays for children, and Sendak’s input about his experiences support the inclusion of plays with difficult subject matter since Sendak’s books typically delve into territory deemed unsuitable for children.

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Exercise: walk the dogs 2 miles

Food: banana, juice, decaf caramel macchiato, swiss cheese and pickle sandwich, some M&Ms, veggie burrito at Chipotle, chips and guacamole, Izze Grapefruit, decaf Americano

People Who Make the World Right

I don’t often think of the way that certain people make life bearable and, in fact, even enjoyable. I was reminded today of three people who not only do their jobs, but who do them well. Above and beyond the requirements of their jobs. All three happen to work in the graduate office, or whatever they are calling it these days, at the Ball. Sometimes it is important to notice when people make others’ lives easier.compassionA couple of weeks ago when I was having such a bad spot, the first person to notice my funk was Shawna, our administrative assistant. She didn’t just notice that I was especially flustered or sad; she asked me if I was doing okay. She actually was concerned about my well-being, which is a rare quality to find in another individual, particularly someone who works as an administrative assistant at BSU. (They don’t have the best reputation.) Since I have been at Ball State there have been three people who have done her job, but Shawna is by far the most sensitive and helpful. She goes above and beyond in every way to ensure our (the students’) success. I have learned that if you need something, Shawna is the one to ask.

Similarly, Jill gives as much of herself as anyone I have ever met. She exudes grace and mercy, while also maintaining an air of justice. Some of my favorite classes during my graduate program have been my creative nonfiction classes. I am not sure that my creative writing improved, though that is no fault of Jill’s; but, through thinking about memoir, I have grown in my academic writing. I am more aware of the way I weave words together, more cognizant of my audience, and more interested in choosing the exact phrases to communicate my ideas clearly. More importantly, Jill encourages her students to be engaged and gracious human beings. How? It’s a gift.

Finally, our graduate director is one of the most diplomatic and compassionate people I know. How she is so eloquently and gracefully the liaison between the students and the graduate school, I will never know. What I do know is that she excels at her job, and she does it with a smile. I think my appreciation for Debbie grew exponentially today when I was sharing with a friend about her positive and uplifting role in our graduate school careers. I was talking about how astounded I am at the fact that one person can embody such intense passion for her career, while also exhibiting such compassion for those of us seeking to pursue the same path.

I hope one day a student of mine can say that I influenced his or her life in the ways that mine has been influenced by these amazing women. In case it never feels like it, there are some of us who notice you going above and beyond to make BSU a better place to be. How is it that I always feel better about myself after I’ve been around you? Thanks.

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Since today was Veteran’s Day, I was thinking pretty extensively about my family members and friends who have been in the military. Although I disagree with most of what our government does, I do recognize that the men and women of the armed forces go to great lengths to ensure our American freedom, including my right to disagree with the government. I want peace, but I also honor the military personnel. So thanks.

  • Vernon Hash
  • James Roberson
  • Themie Pappas
  • George Pappas
  • Bill Pappas
  • Jim Pappas
  • Mike Pappas
  • Tony Shiner
  • Rick Hash
  • William Keck
  • Vaughn Hash
  • Bernard Hash
  • Dale Hash
  • Calvin Hackman
  • Jack Taly
  • Jack Harris
  • Ed Comber
  • Nathan Neely
  • Drew Hunter
  • Nathan Klink
  • Ty Shadle

If your name isn’t on this list, please forgive me, and know that I do appreciate your sacrifice. 3875416709_28f5eede84*

Exercise: Walked the dogs 1.4 miles, rode my bike from RB to Burris and back

Food: banana, Clif bar, apple, tea, Chinese, Superman ice cream with sprinkles, M&Ms