Category Archives: Writing

Schlafly Don’t Bother Me

I had a Schafly Oatmeal Stout for dinner. As a side I had spaghetti and meatballs.

I spent most of the day doing homework: reading Sula by Toni Morrison, creating a chapbook called Boundary-less Bodies, and starting a book called American Anatomies. The rest of the day I spent trying to figure out how to deal with a difficult situation: how do you address a situation in which people don’t realize they something entirely inappropriate?

Friday was PCM: Practical Criticism Midwest at BSU. Basically what that means is that all of us English folks go spend a whole day showing off our academic prowess. We then unwind by drinking wine and eating tiny sandwiches, fruit, and cookies.

The last part of the long, intellectual phallic strutting day is the Doggerel competition in which everyone tries to out do each other the opposite direction. And, let me tell you some people really out did themselves. Typically, of course, one of the features of the Doggerel is that each participant actually writes their own original poetry—they don’t generally steal someone else’s poetry (originally written as a joke)  in order to humiliate them. Doggerel is supposed to be funny, witty, and crass. I think it is safe to say that with few exceptions the MC and the judges were the funniest part.

Perhaps, they can do better next year, and with any luck, I won’t be there to know.

*

On Monday, after being sick for about two weeks, I get to start running again. I would love to remain healthy for the time remaining until the mini-marathon. I would have kept running while I was sick this time, but I had goop in my lungs. Every morning I cough up enough phlegm to make me ease off running until I was only expectorating a bowlful or so with each cough.

I need new running shoes, too. My favorites have worn through the ball on the right foot. I am hoping to find some new ones on-line. I think these may be the ones I buy when my ship comes in.

*

Next Wednesday Elizabeth, Sarah, and I leave for Chicago. I already wrote about how much I am looking forward to leaving the humdrum of Muncie for the excitement of Chicago. What I haven’t written about is that I will get to hear people like Kim Addonizio, Joy Castro, Tyehimba Jess, Dorothy Allison, and Lucille Clifton read their own work or discuss writing.

Also, Art Spiegelman is the key-noter. If you don’t like to read, or if you only get to read one book about the Holocaust, I recommend reading Maus I and Maus II. They are graphic novels. Not really. They are two of the best graphic novels I have ever read.

Finally, I am drinking a Buffalo Bills Brewery Blueberry Oatmeal Stout for dessert.  A good end to a mediocre week.

But, next week will be better, and tomorrow I get to spend the day with my family while we go to see my grandma, so it can’t be bad.

Cookies! Chicago. And writing.

Oh, Beautiful Blog, how I’ve neglected thee! I traded you in for empty days and nights of Facebook. I whored myself out to fine printed texts, and I left you lonely, abandoned so I could experience companionship with real, tangible people. Now I am filling you with my thoughts while watching Maury Povich tell women which man of many is their baby daddy. I am still slumming, pouring my affections elsewhere and hoping you’ll turn your head.

And, I am drinking a Monty Python’s Holy Grail Ale and thinking of a peanut butter and jelly kind of life.

Enough soft-core internet porn.

I am in the middle of baking cookies for our CElla’s Round Trip Bake Sale tomorrow. I just made some really tasty oatmeal, raisin, white chocolate chip cookies. I packed them in little bags of three. Would you buy three little cookies for a dollar? I would if they tasted wicked-delicious like these do. I would spend a dollar for my cookies, but maybe not yours.

We (the Fat Cats and two correctly spelled Rachels) are raising money to go to Chicago. I didn’t realize until yesterday that we leave next week. On Wednesday. We leave in less than a week and we still don’t have our chapbook finished, which does make me a little nervous. Now, I need to learn how to use a bookmaking program in the next two days, so I can produce our book over the weekend. This may be a complete disaster.

I think God is teaching me patience. If not, it’s a cruel trick.

I haven’t been writing or reading like I should be. I have been in somewhat of a funk for a variety of reasons and I am finding it difficult to make myself do the things I need to do. Sometimes I feel like a rapid cycling bi-polar because I can be elated one day and in the gutter depressed the next. I should harness that for my writing.

Good writers have Crazy Brain. I haven’t met one who doesn’t. Next weekend, I will be around a whole bunch of Crazy Brain.

And then, I get to have lunch or something with my friend Corey. I hope I get to have lunch with him ’cause it would be really sweet.

I will just be happy to be in Chicago: I will touch the buildings and run my fingers lovingly along their skin as I walk past them. I will breathe the thick, close air of too many people. I will kiss the lake, love each street my feet touch, relish the stink of the city bus, and retain the press of the bag lady’s hand as she takes the coins from my palm. I will let my mind be transported to a different life, one I could have had but let go of in order to have the life I have.

We can’t go back in time. There is no rewind. We can only go forward. Fast forward.

I need to enjoy things as they come and present themselves to me. I need to work on loving the moment, not thinking about the future or the past. Why can’t I do this anymore? I used to be so good about living in every moment, but they just keep comng faster and faster. Time is relative.

Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me

What do “The Second Choice” by Theodor Dreiser, “Hands” by Sherwood Anderson, and “The Wagner Matinee” by Willa Cather all have in common? The fact is that I have to teach them all for my ENG 605 Literature Pedagogy class. Also, they are all written during the early part of the 20th century. They are dirty and gritty and explore all of those ideas that make us cringe: industry, relationships, sexuality, public and private domains, music, and modernization in all of its forms.

I think I could spend the entire class period talking about Dreiser. Well, now that I think a little more about it, I could spend a whole class period talking about each story. Each story is thick and voluminous, not easily explored in one pass. Short stories remind me of the Grand Canyon: on first glance you think you’ve seen it all (yeah, it’s a big hole), but then you realize that there are layers of color, trenches and rises, shrubbery, animals, and a river way down there at the bottom that you can barely see from the rim.

Teaching is about gleaning. It’s about looking around for the scraps that no one will notice and that no one cares about until you point them out, or until your students point them out to you. I think teaching resembles standing next to a dumpster of knowledge, poking around in it with a stick. You find something new and suddenly everyone wants it. In teaching that is good.

If everyone is interested enough to talk, then you know you’ve hit some sort of truth or importance in text. Your resonance strikes with someone else’s resonance and before you know it you’ve blown a speaker!

A Gift Idea

Here is a great gift idea—not for me—for someone you love. Not only can you feel good about the product, but you can feel good about the creator of it. Beautiful on many accounts, as far as I am concerned.

Conflict. Sierra Nevada Anniversary Ale.

I am horrible at conflict. Period.

Since I am doing this 100 beers in 6 months thing at the local bar, the Heorot, I have to try some beers I wouldn’t normally try. Today I am trying Sierra Nevada’s Anniversary Ale. I am surprised I like this ale. I usually don’t like anniversary or celebration brews, because breweries seem to go a little overboard with themselves for these special ales. I also had an old standby: Dogfish Head 60 minute IPA. Mmmm.

I feel like I deserve these beers because I ran for an hour. An hour!

That may be faulty reasoning.

In fact, I am sure it is faulty reasoning.But I really LOVE beer.

I wasn’t lying before. I really am bad at conflict. I can’t stand conflict, but I also can’t stand being made to feel stupid or inferior for things I believe. I am not intellectual 24/7. I am actually more interested in grace than intellect. Really. I am not sure that, that means I am stupid or naive. I don’t think I am either. Maybe I am. I wouldn’t mind being both on most days.

**EDIT**

I am sitting here trying to read, but I love the bar culture, especially the daytime bar culture so I am not reading much except the people around me.

I see the guy who I call the Gorton’s Fisherman. He smokes his non-filter, hand-rolled cigarettes down to his finger tips before he stands them upright in the ashtray. He sits close to the other regular. Too close. The other regular, who says fuck about every other word, keeps moving further away from Gorton.

Now he is sitting on the edge of his stool like a child watching Dora the Explorer or some other shit like that. He is I, when  little, watching Sesame Street.

Sometimes I see Gorton walking around town with a huge camera around his neck. He is always wearing too many clothes. A rain coat when it isn’t raining. A snow suit when it isn’t snowing. I can’t imagine he isn’t roasting inside all those clothes. I am sure he can smell himself wafting up from the neck of his t-shirt. Or from under the brown Dickie’s coverall he wears right now.

He has greying hair, thinning; a full beard; military or recycled glasses; and big rubber boots like the next door neighbor, Old Man Marley, in Home Alone. You know, the South Bend Shovel Slayer. Gorton wears rubber boots like that. I am waiting for him to come in pushing a snow shovel and dragging a trash can full of salt.

(Now the other regular has moved to another stool.)

I see, or more correctly hear, a girl who can’t be over 25-years old lauding the phenomenal steaks and ribs of Montana Mike’s in Anderson. She also loves Jamison. And she loves Guinness. She is an Irish girl, you know? Whiskey and beer are her staple foods.

She tells the guy sitting next to her that Monatana Mike’s has HUGE portions. Seriously, it’s phenomenal! But ridiculously expensive. Who would spend that much money on a meal!?!

Maybe that last sentiment was about a grocery store. She hasn’t been to a grocery store in forever. Why pay so much for food? Her roommates cook. She eats their leftovers. Fucking mooch.

There is a cook from Vera Mae’s who recently cut his thumb with a Japanese knife. He is a sous chef. Or so he says. He is sitting too close to the woman next to him. Like Gorton’s friend, she scoots across the stool. Wait. Now she slides closer to him. He must have done something right. Somebody’s getting lucky.

Finally, sitting right in front of me are two undergrads. Possibly, they are on a first date. I want to scream to her: run. I haven’t heard you say two words. He occupies conversation. Can you put up with that forever? Think about it. One day you may be the one inching your way across a bar stool just trying to score. Or trying to avoid it.

Everyone talks louder the more they drink. Gorton and his friend slur more. Their fucks come out more like fthuuucksssh. I wish I wasn’t so inebriated myself. I want to remember what Gorton said when he first sat down, but I can’t. His words are at the bottom of my Porter. I need to drink my way down there to retrieve them. I know it had a mix of these curse words: God damned, fuck, and shit. It may have been fucking. But I am not holding my breath.

It’s still fuckin’ work, he says now. What’s he talking about? It’s all fucking work as far as I am concerned. Now he’s not sure. Adamantly. Unsure. I’m not sure. I am not sure. Ahmnohshshuuuurrre. But he’s trying to put it in a little more delicate terms.

And, he has moved over to the stool formerly occupied by the other guy.

Chjeessuss Chrrisstt, Gorton says,  I don’t even want to go to my house. The electric is so expenisve.

Is this a neo-slave narrative?