Life is weird. That is not a new sentiment. I am worn out. I am worn out from walking uphill. It seems as if everything is an uphill shove. I feel like I am pushing big rocks up a never-ending incline. Once I get to the top will the rock roll back down over me a squish me?
Today I had lunch with a girl who used to be in my youth group. I used to be so in touch with her, I knew her intimately, and we trusted each other. I felt like I didn’t even know her today. I felt as if I could have been talking to anyone across the table. I loved hearing about her trip, but I couldn’t engage. There were so many questions I should have asked: how did that shape your faith, how did you feel while you were there, what did you learn, how are you using that in your faith journey? But instead I just listened and wondered how in two years did I get so disconnected from someone who previously meant so much in my life?
I also had the opportunity to talk with an old friend, and it made me realize that I missed him and all of the other adults I worked with for those years. I had forgotten the deep conversations and the deep love honed through the stressful moments and the days filled with joy. Do I want to go back to those days? No! Do I look back to those five years with a sense of fondness? Yes. For as with all moments in our lives, we wouldn’t be who we are without them. I guess sometimes I just wish that I could actually be around once to see the fruits of my labor grow into trees. It isn’t that I think I am prophetic in the least, I simply wish that once someone would give my ideas the benefit of the doubt and try them while they are still new and innovative!
I watched an interesting movie the other. It was called Driving Lessons and the lead actor was Rupert Grint, Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies. The movie was about masks, facades, and the way we try so hard to live our lives to please others. It was good, and it has made me think more about my life than most movies I’ve seen recently. My favorite aspect of it is that Ben ends up being friend with Evie, an old, has-been of an actress. Even though their friendship is totally strange, it is beautiful and held together by an appreciation for arts, poetry, and quirkiness. Good flick.
I guess I just think about things too much sometimes.