Sick, I know, I rejoiced yesterday because I finished seven pages of one paper. I can write all day here, and I can write forever if it is for some sort of creative outlet, but put me in front of a blank screen to write an academic paper, and I freeze. I don’t understand it. Today, I am at church waiting for it to begin. I am again at a restless place in my faith. I swear sometimes I wish it was easy. I wish that I could just follow along like a good little sheep and not question, not doubt. I feel like as I age I cycle faster than I ever did before. When I was younger my cycle would be years, and now it seems like they are days. I have often thought I should maybe go see a shrink, but I don’t have money. I go from being almost manic to sleeping twelve or thirteen hours. For example, last Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nighs, I slept for about three hours each night. I was fine, I wasn’t tired or anything. Then for a few days I slept normally, then last night by 9PM I was exhausted and then slept until 730AM. I’m a mess, I think. I would go to BSU Psych Services, but you only get six free sessions. After that, you either pay or you get no more service. I don’t know about you, but if I am going to pay for psych treatments, I’m not going to someone who has less of an education than I do. Our psych services are staffed by people working on master’s and doctoral degrees in psych. That would be like going to Andy or Tim for psychological help. Weird. I mean the PhD students are okay, but if I were going to a master’s students I might as well just call Andy or Tim! Oh, well, with a few beers, it doesn’t matter how screwy I feel, then I feel fine!
After church today we are going to see David’s play: Waiting for Godot. I hope it is good. I am pretty excited to see the little shit, since he hasn’t been home forever! When we get home from that, I go to the library until my paper is finished. Yippee! Looking forward to it. Let’s see what happens at church today…
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