Sometimes things look more hopeful than other times. Sometimes you get good news and it gives you hope.
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I want to start a piece of writing with: The first time he said he was a Trans-Man, I thought he said Trans-Am and the words took me back to the early 90s when every guy I knew had a run-down Trans-Am, Camaro, or Nova they were “fixing up.”
They were constantly talking about faulty trannies, souped up hot rod engines, sleepers, and paint jobs. There is something to being a Trans-Man and a Trans-Am having a faulty tranny. There is a bit of word slippage in the idea that somehow reminds of the dire need of men to guard and bolster their own masculinity. Is this accomplished by fixing their trannies? Is this accomplished by having a big engine that one does not suspect like in a sleeper? I need to tease this out more, but I know a stolen dildo and a leather harness figure in somewhere.
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Right now, I am watching a movie that I should have seen years ago. When it came out, my mother wouldn’t let me watch Stand By Me because it was too violent and they swore too much. I think the story outweighs the unnecessary crudeness. In fact, the crudeness is a good part of the story of growing up. Isn’t it?
I wonder, am I better now for having seen it? I think so, but I will have to reflect more once I am finished wiping my warm, wet cheeks.
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Today will be filled with writing. I have to write a letter of recommendation for a friend, my CV (resume), my educational philosophy, and a formal observation of one of my professors. I also have to read Jubilee, American Anatomies, The Queen of America Goes to Washington City, and two articles for one of my classes. It never ends.
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I want to write some short-short memoir pieces to cobble together into one for publications. I need to revise the pieces I already have written and I need to send them out for publishing.
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One day I will get everything done.
Reason Breeds Insanity 
Holy shit – you’re watching Stand By Me for the first time??? One of my favorites . . . ever . . . since I was twelve. Awesome scenes: the Barf-o-rama and in the woods water with the leeches. River Phoenix is so f-in lovely. Corey Feldman should’ve stuck with similar roles thereafter.
Your little Trans-Man/Trans-Am piece sounds like an awesome start to something incredible. I suggest you not leave it at this (if you care to hear my suggestions). 🙂
how exactly does one “send out those little pieces for publication?” what do you know about this stuff? 😀
i love this post, by the way. mostly because of the phrase “stolen dildo and leather harness,” which just makes me giggle, but also because Rachel’s right, and Stand By Me should have been in your life long before this.
i do miss you.