How I Wish Academia Could Work

A Wish List by Me.

I wish that in academia we could have time to do everything we want to do. I wish we could have ample time to write without distractions and ample time to prepare for teaching. At the same time.

I wish I would have gone to a school that offers dissertation fellowships.

I wish I could compartmentalize my brain to think about class when it needs to and to think about my dissertation when it needs to.

I wish that I could do a Bunny Foo Foo on some of my colleagues. I wouldn’t mind scooping up a few of them and bopping them on the heads.

I wish that they could Bunny Foo Foo me when I need it. Sometimes I need to be bopped on the head.

I wish it didn’t take a couple of beers to put me in the mood to write. I wish I didn’t get tired so fast.

I wish Coke Zero didn’t taste so good. I wish all soda could be made with cane sugar, like Faygo Rock-N-Rye in a glass bottle.

I wish that my dissertation proposal would edit itself. I wish someone besides Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, or Larry Page and Sergey Brin would invent some software that could do that revision. They already make enough money.

I wish that someone would invent software that could hook up to my brain and read what I am thinking, but only if I want it to.

I wish I could get paid just to love people and give them grace. By that, I think I mean I wish I could be a youth pastor again.

I wish I could steal my daddy’s cue and make a living out of playing pool, or find myself a rock-n-roll band that needs a helping hand.

I wish I could write well enough to score a major book contract and write about the snow and the birds and my dogs and how I need to finish painting my house.

I wish writing wasn’t something only a few people could get paid to do, but if it has to be, I wish I was one of those few people.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and have everyone have everything they need, not want. Need. Huge difference.

I wish I had a pair of socks, like the ones I am wearing that my god-daughter picked out for me for Christmas, for every day of the week.

I wish I could wear sweatpants to teach in.

I wish I could swim the English Channel. Or just start running and never stop. Forrest Gump it without Tom Hanks or the stupid feather.

I wish I could be anywhere, doing anything else, but this. That’s how I feel right now. Tomorrow I will feel just fine.

*

I am thankful for fun.

Food: banana, juice, pizza and bread sticks, chips and salsa, Lorna Doones: not a good food day at all

Exercise: walked the dogs in huge snow! shoveled the driveway and turn around