Fat Assery and Some Random Rants

There is nothing quite like spring to bring out the weirdos and the not-nice. Do you remember the old song “The Freaks Come Out At Night”? The lyricist, I am sure was on to something, but I think he missed a more apropos song, one I like to call “The Jack Asses Come Out in the Spring.” What, you may be asking yourself, brought on this little tirade?

I was not even one mile into a 4.5 mile run today—one that went quite well, I might add—when some jerk yelled, “Fat ass,” out his window at me. Man, I get so sick and tired of that. Had it not been for the fact that I just read a Runner’s World column about the disadvantage runners have against motorists, I would have yelled something back at him. As I ran—possibly one reason the run went well—I milled over in my mind what I would have yelled back at him. Here are my top ten responses:

  1. F*** you, Melon Farmer.
  2. Oh, yeah, you, you, jerk face.
  3. I might be fat, but I am running, Idiot.
  4. Wow, I hadn’t realized that my ass is fat. How fat would you say it is in comparison to other asses you’ve perused?
  5. Would you say that my ass is fatter than the rest of me, or is that just the part of my body you decided to ridicule today?
  6. When was the last time you ran farther than from your house to the car/McDonald’s/donut shop/or whatever location you choose?
  7. Jesus loves you.
  8. Astute observation.
  9. Some people find this fat ass attractive.
  10. F*** you, Melon Farmer.

Or I could also use the old reliable: “I may be fat, but you’re ugly. I can lose weight.” I wouldn’t use that one, though, because I apparently can’t lose weight. If you follow this blog, you know what I eat and how much I run. I have been the same weight for over a month now, and it’s starting to make me angry. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not doing this to lose weight, but I am doing it to feel better and to get healthier. On both of those fronts, I feel successful, so I guess I shouldn’t be discouraged. And, I can run six miles in a little over an hour, which is way better than the 18 minute miles I started out walking. I hadn’t intended for this post, the first one in more than a week, to be so negative, but some events just rattle us. I couldn’t not post about getting called fat-ass yet again.

I haven’t posted for a while for multiple reasons. I didn’t think I had anything nice to say about some people, and I was afraid I would be incredibly hateful. I just took my mother’s advice and didn’t say anything at all. I think I am mostly over being angry at this particular person, but she is definitely someone I will not waste time being friendly with anymore.

I also have been insanely busy with school work, which is exhausting, but not as exhausting as socializing with people. I have such a hard time making small talk. It wears me out to be with people I don’t know very well, and sometimes it wears me out to be with people I know well and love. Sometimes I just want to move to Montana and build a commune for just a few select people to live on. I get in these moods where I want to buy an RV and just drive from place to place, doing odd jobs, trying to make a living, and seeing the sites. I think that would be the life for me. Sometimes I think I am not a putting down roots kind of girl, but I have put down roots. It’s spring. I get antsy.

I have done some great cooking in the past week. I made this recipe and this recipe but without the shrimp. They were both delicious. Yesterday Abbie and I spent two hours making homemade tortillas (frying some of them into salad bowls), banana cream pie, whipped cream, raisin pie, and all the stuff for burritos and taco salads. We pretty much rocked it. Tortillas are a blast to make, but I am confused about how some people make them so round. Ours were shaped like squares, fish, triangles, and oddities. We need to work on presentation, but taste we pretty much have wrapped up!


I am thankful for the beautiful scenery on my run today: the river, the new trail, the people feeding the ducks, and the bright, warm sunshine.

Food: banana, orange juice, pop tart, chocolate milk, almonds and M&Ms, piece of banana creme pie, pop corn, lentils and rice, beer

Exercise: walked the dogs, ran 4.5 miles, bike to village and back

3 responses to “Fat Assery and Some Random Rants

  1. 4,6, and 7 are the best 🙂 Seriously … what a jerkwad

    The raisin pie is pretty good when it’s cold.

  2. Thanks, Abs! I think I like 4 second best, right after the Melon Farmer comment. I just realized that some people might think I was making a racial slur with that comment, but it’s really making fun of Christians/movie censors who think they need to clean up language on films. Apparently, the television version of Die Hard contains the line, “Yippie-kai-yay, melon farmer.” Hence, the fuck off, melon farmer above.

  3. unfinishedportraitofsam

    i’d go with the fuck off, melon farmer comment.

    probably not very Christian of me.

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