A couple of days ago I finally landed the job that I’ve wanted for quite some time. I’m stubborn, and I wanted it so much sooner than now, but I am learning to wait for what is good. I’m now a teacher for a company I respect and believe in. I have some big plans in my mind about what this might mean for me, and I am so excited about how my future may turn out.
I move to my new store on May 14, so a week or so from now and a couple of weeks before I head back to Indiana to watch the graduation of my last class of students, who I had in class for more than a couple of years. This seems like perfect timing, since I was offered my job nearly one year ago. I started there on June 1, 2015, and I’ll permanently be in my new role from June 1, 2016.
I’m sad to leave behind all of my friends at MOA, but I am happy I was so welcomed and accepted there. For the past year, I feel as if I’ve been unlearning all the awful habits I’ve picked up in the workforce before working with people there. The level of kindness, forgiveness, and support from most folks is unparalleled in my experience. On most days, work feels like a cooperation, instead of a competition, and I like that. I don’t live in the constant fear of doing something wrong.
That being said, not everything is always sunshine and roses, but I firmly believe that life ends up being what we make of it. It’s safe to say that I’ve lived a good portion of my life making it whatever I’ve been influenced to make it and becoming whoever I have been made to feel should become. Because of this new job, I feel more empowered to be who I am, than I have felt for a long time in my life. I work for a company that embraces its employees for our difference, for being who we are, for exercising our creativity and uniqueness. I get to teach in a highly professional setting, and I get to be unapologetically me.
I can shave my head, get pierced, get tatted, wear flip flops and shorts all year long, and simply live my life, my destiny, who I am designed to be. Sure all the things I’ve listed are physical attributes, but they are things I’ve struggled with throughout my working career. From student teaching forward, I’ve never worked somewhere that I can be uniquely myself with no repercussions. From arbitrary dress codes to “professional” conduct codes, we do quite a bit of pushing beautifully unique pegs into unnecessarily restrictive square, narrow, widget-shaped holes.
That being said, if you can’t deal with me being unapologetically me, we’d better stop being friends. More than ever before in my life, I’m being true to myself and doing things exactly the way I want to do them and, much more importantly, exactly the way I was designed to do them. I’ve always struggled with the feeling that who I am isn’t good enough, refined enough, or professional enough. I’ve even been made to believe, by different folks in my life, that who I am is not acceptable of a Christian woman. For a bit of my adolescence, I was even made to feel as if God couldn’t possibly love me, specifically because of who I am.
Over the past several years, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, meditating, and praying, and I’ve finally recognized out that I have to give in to who I am, even if it isn’t the choice others in my life would make for me. As I look back through Facebook and here, I speak quite a lot about wavering between poles and trying to feel like I am living a consistent ethic. I’ve been a lot of things over the past ten years, but I am tired of trying on new hats all the time. I think I’ve been a lot things and wavered so much, because I am on a quest to please those around me. Well, y’all, I’m done with that nonsense.
Sadly, this realization has taken a good portion of my 41 years of life.
I’m ready to live unapologetically and authentically me.
Unapologetically a praying Christian. Unapologetically a meditator. Unapologetically a deep thinker. Unapologetically an empathetic soul. Unapologetically a vegan. Unapologetically a teacher and seeker. Unapologetically a trail runner and hiker. Unapologetically queer. Unapologetically a civil rights advocate. Unapologetically a Minnesotan Hoosier. Unapologetically an outside the lines kind of human. Unapologetically fat. Unapologetically bald. Unapologetically tattooed and pierced.
Unapologetically whatever I become from here.
Unapologetically a harbinger of peace, grace, love, and joy.