Category Archives: Food

I Believe…

Posted on 3 September 2009 | 4 comments

people are inherently good.
in smelling flowers.
in watching butterflies.
that if everyone rode a motorcycle, we would be a much more peaceful planet.
in God.
tattoos make skin beautiful.
in sleeping for at least 9 hours each night.
that tragedies happen for a reason.
that we should share what we have with people who don’t have as much.
in feeding homeless people.
people live the best in community.
in running.
reading helps us to understand each other on a deeper level.
what we eat matters.
that beer is good.
everyone should get paid the same amount.
there should be no racism.
that gay people should be allowed to marry.
we should think for ourselves.
people should say please and thank you.
we should revere our elders.
we should train our children up in a calm, guiding manner.
in grace.
people should listen when other people talk.
people should answer the question, “How are you?” with an honest answer.
you should be able to make change out of the offering plate at church.
vanilla malts with frosted flakes and mini marshmallows are next to heaven in loveliness.
I could eat pizza for every meal.
swine flu is a government scare tactic to keep us paranoid.
people should be able to dress comfortably for all occasions.
clothing designers should learn that not all fat women are busty.
we should spend time discussing ideas and not people.
each year people should have to donate their most prized possession to a homeless shelter, domestic violence shelter, or children’s home.
most ill-feelings can be cured by walking in the woods.
squirrels really are out to get us.
when people swim they release their stress into the water with each stroke.
hormones kill brain cells.
most good music was made in the late 60s, early 70s.
diamonds are not a girls best friend.
we should still talk about AIDS and other STDs in health class, and talk about ways other than abstinence to prevent them.
every child deserves a happy childhood, but does not need to be spoiled to accomplish that childhood.
in equal rights for all people.
we throw away too much. We should be more frugal.
Chuck Taylors and Five Fingers are the world’s most perfect shoes.
in gleaning out of dumpsters.

Posted in Beer, Fat, Feminism, Food, Grace, Motorcycles, Politics, Queer, Reading, Relationships, Religion, Running, School, Teaching, Writing

…been a long time, been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time. Sure has. Nothing like a little led Zeppelin to get the day going. I am not sure I even really like Led Zeppelin, but I like this song even though I have never really understood what it was about. It’s amazing that I could listen to a song a million times, at every high school dance (the three I went to) and on the radio, and never really get the lyrics.

I suppose it hasn’t really been lonely, but it has been a long time since I have written anything. So much has happened since the last time I wrote, it seems like light years since I went to Michigan, since Merideth got engaged, since I took my comprehensive exams, since Jacob spent two weeks at our house and taught me to love disc golf, and since Dave, the little man who is fixing our house, started fixing our house.

Because so much has been going on, I feel a little life-vertigo, like no matter where I put my foot down, it will be the wrong location and everything might come toppling down. I am not saying this to sound dramatic, I just feel a bit disoriented. I don’t, however, feel stressed, though I must be because I woke up yesterday with this kink in a muscle in my back. Today it was worse. While we were walking the dogs this morning, Bec said that I have the most amazing ability to somatize my stress. I do. I would much rather have a sore muscle than to have some deadly illness like I had last winter.

I started running last winter with the intention of finishing the mini-marathon in Indy, but I got so sick I couldn’t keep running. My lungs were pissed and they were having no part of my exercising in the cold air. Well, I since have started running again, and I am up to running 4 miles at a 12-minute mile pace. I say that’s not too shabby for a fat kid. I was supposed to run this morning, but when I woke up at 5:30, it was dark outside so I slept until 6:30 and walked the dogs.

Since the last time I posted, I have taken a Nazarite Vow that will end when my dissertation is finished. I took it on my birthday, July 22, by shaving my head and spending the day relaxing and contemplating the parameters of the vow. I amended the original Jewish vow, so I am not only following it, but I also added some things of my own. For the next year and a half to two years, I am abstaining from anything containing grapes, wine, or raisins, all alcohol, cutting my hair, eating meat, caffeine, sugary foods. In the same time period, it is my goal to walk at least 5 miles each day, which can include the morning run. I plan to start swimming three times a week next week, as well. It is also my goal to run a marathon before I turn 40. So far, I am doing pretty well with my goals, and I have been managing quite well abstaining. The side-perk is that I have lost 30-35 pounds.

I feel all rusty and weird writing. I am having a hard time being articulate and creative without feeling like I am forcing it. I guess this is why every writing book, every writer, says that writing should be something that we do every day. I suppose, too, I should actually write about the things I mentioned in the first paragraph, which is typically what one does when setting up a piece of writing. Introduction: body: conclusion.

I should start off by talking about my vacation with Merideth’s family. We stayed at Little Bear Lake Hideaway, and the lake was beautiful. I swam across it, kayaked around it, and ran or walked the road that circled it every day we were there. One day I even went around twice. Usually I was the first one up and out of the cabin, so I got to see the water all quiet and smooth before anyone else was awake to see it. The water was a clear green, and I could see my feet when I was standing up to my neck in the water. The water was also incredibly cold. Very cold. Numbingly cold.

The days went by quickly, too quickly. I could actually live up there on a lake if I could find a job that would sustain me. We went to Gaylord, the closest fairly large town, three times and ate lunch at three decent diners. We went to Lewiston and ate at Talley’s Bar, and Merideth and I went to a little bar by the Outpost for coffee while Josh got Merideth’s clothes ready to go to Mackinac Island.

On Wednesday, we went to the island, and all day Merideth kept talking about wishing she could stay at the Grand Hotel. Finally, when the kids got tired, we walked up to the hotel and pretended we were all going to look at the porch. Little did she know, but Merideth and Josh were staying at the hotel. And, she also didn’t know he was going to propose to her. He did, and she said yes. They are getting married next June 5, and I am performing their wedding on a beach in Florida.

When I got back from Michigan, Bec’s nephew, Jacob, came and stayed with us for two weeks. We painted the outside of the house, which still is not completed, and we pulled up the carpet in the downstairs. We had tons of good conversation, and Jacob cooked dinner for us a few times. The best part of his stay were his disc golf lessons.

Nearly every afternoon, Jacob and I walked down to McCullough Park and pitched some discs. For an hour and a half or so each day, we just chilled and threw discs … and occasionally went poo-diving. Poo-diving happens when someone throws a disc into the drainage channel that runs along the edge of the course. We call the channel, the poo channel, because it is one of the ones that may or may not contain sewage when the storm sewers overflow. I only had to go poo-diving once, but Jacob had to go several times. Yum.

Jacob and I removed the carpet from the downstairs while Dave, the little man that is fixing and rewiring our house, redid the ceiling in the living room. About two weeks ago, he told us that it would only take a couple more days to finish the work, but I think he bit off more than he thought he was biting off with our rewiring. It has been a huge project and most of it had to happen through the uninsulated attic, so for a few days he couldn’t do much because of the intense heat. I can tell you, though, that I am ready for it to be finished, so we can start putting our house back to normal. I want to bring my couch in from the porch.

I took my comps last week and will know by Labor Day whether or not I passed. I am not confident that I did. The hard part about thinking that I may have failed is that I also got a job teaching American Literature at Burris one period a day. If I don’t pass my comps, I don’t get to teach at Burris next semester. If I don’t get to teach there next semester, I lose my foot in the door. And, I want to teach middle school English there next year! I keep trying, in the spirit of my Nazarite vow, to let God be in control and to trust what [They] are doing, but that is so hard for me. It is hard for me to realize that I am not in control, that God is.

I suppose another major event in my life is that my pastor is leaving. Last Sunday was his last Sunday to speak. I was fine until at the end of his message he remarked that he had been at our church for five years, and that it had been a good five years. Then I cried. I cried pretty hard through the last worship set, and then again once it was over. Of course, he came over and harassed me, when I was reading my book to stop myself from crying more, by singing, “I have my books and my poetry to protect me; I am shielded in my armor, hiding in my room, safe within my womb. I touch no one and no one touches me. I am a rock, I am an island.” It’s true, but I am trying to become less of a rock, less of an island. I am trying hard to let people in. I suppose that is why my back has a huge knot in it.

2 Comments

Posted in Beer, Dissertation, Fat, Food, Relationships, Religion, Running, School, Swimming, Teaching, Writing

A Great Weekend. And a Self-Discovery.

Posted on 21 July 2009 | 2 comments

This past weekend was one of the best I have had in a long time. On Saturday, Bec and I drove to Cincinnati to have lunch with Tim, who was in town because Whitney was in a wedding in Oxford, OH. We went to B-Dubs and Tim and I each had mango-habanero and Caribbean jerk wings. They have boosted to spiciness of their sauce since the last time I was there, and my nose ran constantly as I smiled my way through all six, very hot mango-habanero boneless wings. It was a good last meat hurrah before I stop eating meat again tomorrow. I am still going to eat milk, but meat and eggs are history until I finish my dissertation. The challenge will be getting enough protein to keep running and to start swimming. I think I can do it if tofu is involved and if I use Will’s homemade seitan recipe.

On Saturday night, we went to Sarah and Daniel’s going away party. Andrea was unsure of herself as a hostess, but everything was fabulous, including the delicious Jimmy John’s subs and the cake. I had fun, reminisced about the past few years, and ate way too much…

which was okay because on Sunday, Bec and I started the day by walking the dogs, as we always do. Then we went on a 30-mile bike ride, which was more like 28 miles, but who is counting anyway. We rode from our house down the Cardinal Greenway to Blountsville. It took us about two and a half hours, but we did it and had a blast! We had great conversation and remembered how beautiful the trail is out in the country, winding through trees and past farms.We decided that before the summer is over, we are going to ride our bikes to Losantville to have pizza at the Pizza Shack. Riding back with full bellies will be the challenge!

Yesterday, I realized how non-compassionate I can be. So much so that I don’t really listen to the people around me. I hear them, but I don’t really hear them. I don’t take the time to listen to their pain. I have become so wrapped up in my own things this summer—comps, home improvements, my assistantship, etc.—I am not listening to people like I want—or need—to listen to them. I talk and write so much about being compassionate and being a listener that I don’t give myself the space to actually do it. I know this didn’t just start this summer, but it has taken this summer to help me recognize that I talk far more than I listen, and most of what I say is not part of any productive good. I find myself talking to hear myself talk, or to have the best story, or prove I am right, or to make people like me, or to spread things that I only hear half-way, or to complain about things that are out of my control. I really want to change this about myself, but it is so difficult.

Why do I do this? Good question. I am listening if you have any answers or any suggestions about how to tame the tongue.

2 Comments

Posted in Food, Grace, Relationships

Left-Over Vegetable and Bean Stew

Posted on 12 July 2009 | 1 comment

Today has been a good day so far. I woke up and walked the dogs a mile and a half with Bec, then I jogged the same mile and a half and only had to stop to walk for about a block! We rode our bikes to church and back, and now I am making bean and vegetable stew out of all the half-bags of beans and the too-old-to-eat-fresh-but-not-old-enough-to-throw-away vegetables.

I like the way my life is changing. I feel healthier, more connected, and grounded. I was talking with a friend, a doctor, who told me that our bodies go through major systemic changes every three years or so. He said that we should pay attention to those changes and follow them. I felt like jogging this morning, so I jogged with my iPod and without my watch telling me to stop and walk or to speed up and run; it felt FABULOUS! I think this may be my body appreciating my willingness to follow its change. Now if I can just get back into the pool…

1 Comment

Posted in Fat, Food, Running

Prays. Runs. Drinks Cucumber Tea.

Posted on 10 July 2009 | 2 comments

I think about prayer on a regular basis, and mostly I think that it is something I do not do frequently enough. However, this morning I had an insightful conversation with my friend Molly. Molly and I have been getting together for about three years, after meeting through a sweet spiritual moment at Starbucks, to volunteer at the mission once a month and to watch Rob Bell‘s Nooma videos. We don’t watch the videos as frequently as either one of us would like, but when we do, it is always good and thoughtful conversation always follows.

Today we watched “Open,” which is about prayer. In “Open,” Bell seeks to answer the questions we all have about prayer: why does it seem to work sometimes and not others; does God really hear our prayers; why pray if it doesn’t always work; how does prayer effect our lives; and, how is our life impacted by the prayers of others. While I was watching this particular video, two things crossed my mind. First, my friend Kelly can usually sense when I need prayer, and I can usually sense when she is praying for me. Second, Molly and I were just talking about prayer the last time we worked at the mission. Of course, Bell addresses both things, but you will have to watch it yourself to get his take on things.

Frequently, I have some of these same questions/doubts. Does God hear my prayers? What if I pray for the wrong things? Do my prayers really change the God’s plan? Does prayer change me or the world? What if God doesn’t answer the way I want? What if God makes a miraclehappen? Does God still make miracles? How am I the answer to some of my prayers? How can I hear God? Is that God I hear or my own voice in my head? Why pray at all? Yeah, I doubt a lot. But, I do take it to heart when James writes that the prayer of the righteous person is powerful and effective.

I had no idea this video would impact me the way it did. I usually like Noomas, but I find that much of what Bell says are things that I have thought about and already agree with. I would love to just sit down and have a chat with him because we have so many theological ideas in common. With that said, this video hit me more powerfully than most of the others have. I realized that my life is supposed to be one constant prayer, something that I have contemplated prior to today both here and in my daily life. Hearing someone else outline how that works, using Jesus’ prayers in the Garden of Gethsemane, though, really helped me to realize that we are all a part of the same creation. My prayer/life touches your, which touches hers, which touches his, which touches mine, and on and on. We are one in spirit, one in love, and one in prayer. This is why Jesus is finally obedient even unto death: he is part of the long fabric of prayer.

Molly and I then discussed this great article that she read in Runner’s World about a woman who runs marathons. When the writer of the article runs a marathon, she wears a bracelet that lists 26 of her friends or acquaintances who are struggling with something. For each mile she picks one friend on the list, then thinks about/prays for each friend. I think this is fabulous, and I pray as I run, or bike, or swim. I always have; it helps to pass the time, and it helps me to think about various friends and their families. I tend to be a bit more organic in my prayers, allowing my mind to wander from one person to the next, but the bracelet is a great idea. I would probably stay more focused in my prayers instead of trying to solve the minute problems of the day before me.

Speaking of running. I jogged–I jog; I don’t yet run–about two and a half miles today. I am still doing that thing where you run a couple of minutes and then walk, which is kind of annoying but necessary. I envision myself running miles and miles, though, which should be worth something. Once I lose a few pounds, I should be able to step it up and actually run and run for a good distance. That extra girth really holds a person back! My goal is to be able to run the five mile Turkey Trot in Dayton on Thanksgiving. Without walking and at a respectable time. I am signing up for a 5K run in middle September, so we will see if I can add two more miles on by the end of November. It’s sort of a craps-shoot.

Yesterday for an early birthday present my mom bought a new pair of running shoes for me. I walked in them last night and they are a nice fit on my short, wide feet. They are ASICS (Anima Sana In Corpore Sano, which means a sound mind in a sound body). I am my father’s daughter. When he used to run all the time, he swore by Asics. As do I. They are the only shoes that consistently fit my feet. Here are my new shoes, which they now have stopped making:

6219-910207-p

This morning after the jog, I tried some of the new tea I bought (I should say my mom bought) at Target yesterday: White Cucumber Tea by Tazo. The tea was interesting. I put a bit of honey in it because I was afraid of the taste, but tomorrow I will just drink it plain. The flavor is like a tea-version of a Mojito. It has lime, lemon, peppermint, cucumber, and white tea. I am sure there are other ingredients, but those are the predominant flavors that come through. And, it is decaf, which is nice. I also had some blueberries, yogurt, and wheat germ after the jog. Stoneyfield Farm makes an excellent organic vanilla yogurt that is perfect with berries of all kinds or bananas, but it is sort of thick, which might gross some people out. This concoction tasted a bit odd with cucumber tea, though.

cucumberwhite