PCM?

I sit in class concentrating on the words coming from the professors mouth. We are discussing body theory, theories of the body and how the body is perceived, bu tmy mind is so far from here. I return to last January. My grandma had fallen and broken her hip, spending a few days in the hostpial, a few months at the nursing, a few more months in her own home being visited by aides who came bathe her and give her physical therapy. She never returned to the woman she once was. When we knew it was too much for her to be on her own, we moved her into my parents’ house and their dog was her daily companion until they got home from work. They took constant care of her.

I return to the task at hand, which is a new and different class in which I am supposed to focus on my past and my life and the issues that concern me. I put them down in black and white on paper to be turned in, passed around, and graded. My life, graded and on display. I think to myself that I would give my life a C. It is average. But then my mind wonders to my dad and his new pacemaker, and the five years they said he had left. I see him in a green flowery hospital gown, smelling of the yeast infection that had grown on his swollen fevered body, and I recognize the frailty of life. When I was little he was my hero, and now he is so tender and soft. And so hard to recognize as the man who once could lift the back end af a small car like a sack of potatoes. This was the man who used to insist that we break the ice on the pond in front of our house to take a swim. It’s good for the soul, he would say.

This Weekend

collier: Poetry, Cole, Howarth
nowatzki: rice, coles, Brown
stockton: presentation, cavendish

write PCM paper and let it rest till next weekend, send to Sarah

teaching: make grade sheets for each student, so I can grade as we go, and then reflect

call Ico and Elizabeth and tell them I can’t come cook
Saturday: Indy with Adam and Bec
Sunday: Church

WRITE LIZARD’S LETTER

Andy Warhol is A Mouse?

Interesting perspective by Keith Haring. I am about to go do something that really scares me. I am going to have my students grade my teaching so far in the semester. I have given them a questionairre and asked them to tell what I am doing well, what I am not doing well, and what they think I could do better. I am interested to see their responses because we are getting to the point in the semester when I could use some feedback. I am scared but excited as well.

All said and done, I am apparently not a bad teacher. I love it that my students were honest and actually gave me some things to work on for the rest of the semester. One student did say I was disorganized, which may be that student picking up on my weird idiosyncracies. I am usually hyper organized for class, but maybe I need to appear moreso. I think I just didn’t want to appear like a neo-nazi English instructor. For the most part, their criticisms were very well founded. I need to explain more thoroughly, give better directions, and shockingly, be more structured? Really? I would have died to have an instructor in college that was as flexible as I am. Of course, you can be structured and flexible, which is what I will strive for.

Lamentations and Mark

I was talking with my friend, Sarah, the other day. Actually, we weren’t really talking. She blogged, I called and left a voicemail, she called and left a voicemail, then I texted. So to make matters more simple: I was talking with my friend Sarah, and she said that she wasn’t fond of the gospel of Mark, but she loved Matthew because of his amazing story telling and tangential logic. Basically, Mark is my favorite gospel by leaps and bounds, because he tells the stories and lets them speak for themselves. I mean Jesus is the Messiah in Mark’s eyes, but his text says: this is so true and so real, I don’t need to explain any of it, just by reporting it to you, you will get it! There is also this sense of immediacy in Mark. The plot, the storyline, is conflated and collapsed so there is no real sense of time. Everything happens immediately after the story right before it. I get this sense that Mark wants you to keep reading so that you don’t miss a thing.

Matthew, on the other hand, tells a story and then spends just as long telling you why said story indicates that Jesus is the Messiah. He is the Messiah because of x, y, and z. As if you couldn’t put x, y, and z together for yourself. Here is Matthew’s storyline: story, exegesis of that story, story, exegesis of that story, repeat ad nauseam. I do like Matthew, though, right after Mark and Luke, and way before John. But John is another rant for another day, and maybe I am not enough of an ancient to understand him, or I am too postmodern or not modern enough, or something.

So I asked Sarah to guess my favorite Old Testament (Jewish Scriptures) book. Of course she chose the logical two: Ruth or Esther. Good guesses, but as some of you know, my favorite OT book is decidedly perceived as the most depressing of all of them, but I think Lamentation is beautiful. Or as I told Sarah, beautifully tragic or tragically beautiful, I am not sure which. The whole book is about how frustrated the writer is that God has turned his back on the Israelites. We actually get to see the writer work out his frustration with not understanding why God won’t listen to him and why it seems that God is brutally punishing the Israelites. What is glorious about this book is we see in a more real way than Job, I think, theodicy worked out through one writer’s soul wrenching agony. The writer wants to be angry with God for the injustice of the punishment, but the writer is unable to relenquish the facet of God’s grace and compassion. I love how the whole book hinges on part of chapter 3, which in the NIV reads:

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is you faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.
Let him sit in silence,
for the Lord has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

Basically, I love how this text of death, destruction, and carnage rests around this middle chapter of hope, and questioning of God. Why, God, do you let those of us who love you suffer?

I really think that Lamentations gets at the community aspect of faith as well. This poem highlights the way the entire community or society is sick, and how God’s love and God’s anger rests on the entire community. There is also this embrace of the dichotomy of cursing and blessing: “Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come? Why should any living man complain when punished for his sins?” The writer then switches the number of the speaker: “Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Let us lift up our hands to God in heaven and say: “We have sinned and rebelled and you have not forgiven.” I love this compact struggle. Is it I or we? Is it that God has not forgiven or is it that the consequences of sin are still present culturally? Is it grace and mercy or anger and condemnation? I love the honest contemplation of this writer. Amazing stuff. Beauty, tragedy, and who doesn’t love a story where people eat their own children? Sorry, but I was getting a little too serious for a second. So all that because of a not-conversation.

I also have to add that I am loving my life right now. I am not saying it isn’t stressful, but I am loving my life…today.

Equiano

  1. inequality between white men and children having sex/black man havign sex with prostitute, white
  2. slave conditions on pages 104, 105
  3. Christianity and the ethical treatment of slaves is a huge issue for Equiano
  4. torture devises used for treatment of slaves
  5. miscegenation
  6. liberation theology (Moses and moving away from Pharoah)
  7. how can we separate the black movement from the church, or at least spirituality: slave narratives, WEB Dubois, Booker T., Malcolm X, Martin Luther King: all of them had a spiritual quality to their writing/speaking; chapter construction like a sermon, with questions and a “song” at the end (see ch. 5)

Rust

  • Water as passing: butler’s passing, between origin and enactment, but for Butler there is no origin, or no pre-existing self
  • subalternity: one who cannot speak is a subaltern (or one whose voice is taken over by others)
  • learner not a teacher, never mentions teaching anyone else the things he has learned
  • track of ideology viewed from teh position of oppressor and subaltern simultaneously