Reason Breeds Insanity

I am sure that every employee at every business that has a drive through knows their menu board is covered in snow. That happens when it snows. It sticks to things. We know. We see it snowing. We see it sticking. You don’t need to tell us that.

Monday I am going with my friend, Molly, to learn about volunteering at the Muncie Mission. I am pretty excited. I have really been reflecting on my life lately. I waste a lot of things that I shouldn’t. I have too many clothes. Too many things. I am so picky about food. I won’t eat ice cream if it has been open for longer than a week. It tastes funny to me. I told Becky on the way home from the grocery store that I need to work on it. I have the ability to be picky about food when over half the world doesn’t get enough food and people die constantly from starvation. I won’t eat week old ice cream.

I hope it works out so that we can volunteer together for the first couple of times. I hate trying to get to know new people, so working at the same time as Molly will be encouraging. Some people you meet, you feel like you have known forever. She is one of those for me. I think that is the moving of the holy spirit. It is sweet. I like it.

Isaiah 31 and 32, Psalm 141, Revelation 13 and 14

So I have implemented what I call the Starbucks Wellness Program. This plan involves drinking two Iced Venti Green Teas every shift I work, and drinking only one grande nonfat drink of my choice, and eating NO pastries. I have lost five pounds in one week with little other effort. I will keep you posted. I would like to lose some weight, but if I don’t, I’m okay with it. I think I wouldn’t normally even be concerned about weight, etc. but with everything that has happened with my dad, I am thinking more about health. And it is summer, so I feel alive again. I probably should quit smoking “those vile clove cigarettes” as well.

Have you noticed how some things just make you feel happy on the inside? Some things that make me happy are love, family, a person’s mouth just before they laugh, a good cigarette smoked on a sidewalk in a big city, a dish of vanilla ice cream, a new beer that I’ve never tried before, a walk in the woods, and red heads. Yesterday, I went home from work and fixed a grilled turkey, roast beef, and cheese on pumpernickel and a bowl of soup. I love the crunchiness of the bread and the little tickle of the rye in the pumpernickel. If I had to choose just one bread to eat for the rest of my life, I would hope I could choose pumpernickel. Some things, I think, just remind us of childhood. Whenever I eat warm soup and grilled sandwiches, I remember school lunches. One of my favorite school lunches was the one that was made up of tomato soup and grilled cheese. I loved to dip my grilled cheese in thick tomato soup just enough so the bread would get wet but not smooshy. I also loved the chili and peanut butter sandwich days. I dipped the sandwich into the chili. I pretty much dip everything. I am a dipper. I am a food addict as well. I love food, which is why I have to implement the Starbucks Wellness Program (SWP).

My other new plan is related to my Lenten Blogs. Because it is now after Lent, and we are rejoicing the resurrection of Jesus and our renewed lives, I decided to include my daily readings in my meditations here. I may comment on them. I may not.

Today I am reading Psalm 140, Isaiah 29 and 30, and Revelation 11 and 12. Here are my thoughts.

We need to live toward a renewed Kingdom. So the world is fallen? Does that mean we need to live like it is fallen? I think it means we are called to live toward a perfect Kingdom. We need to live toward what we know is right. We need to overcome the Fall not live life, using our Fallen status as a crutch for all the things that are easier not to fix. Life is easier lived within the grain. It is much easier to live in a Fallen world than to live against it. Pushing back against war, poverty, racism, sexism, homophobia, hate, apathy, and Evil is more difficult than just sliding along saying: “It has been this way since the beginning of time. There have always been wars. There have always been poor people. There have always been racial problems.”

Many times, I wonder if people secretly, deep down, want there to be rumors of wars, so that they can watch the end times unfold. In order to be apathetic about war, etc. I think it must be necessary to believe in books like the Left Behind Series. Do I want there to be war? No. Do I want to be part of the solution? Yes. How can I do it? I can live toward a new heaven and a new earth, rather than live complacently in a fallen world: “Brought low, you will speak from the ground; your speech will mumble out of the dust. Your voice will come ghostlike from the earth; out of the dust your speech will whisper.” Isaiah 29:4 In the next chapter, Isaiah warns the obstinate children who go looking for comfort and safety in Egypt, “But Pharaoh’s protection will be your shame, Egypt’s shade will bring you disgrace.” To me, this means that when we look for help in the wrong places, we can never find the grace that we could find if we look to God for it. Our solace and comfort from other sources eventually becomes our downfall. If we look to politicans, the media, other people to provide us strength and comfort, we will never achieve wholeness. Or holiness.

Trying to live my life in this sort of way, with a focus on peace and justice, has frequently put me at odds with those around me. Sometimes I can relate to Isaiah: “They say to the seers, ‘See no more visions!’ and to the prophets, ‘Give us no more visions of what is right!’ Tell us pleasant things, prophesy illusions. Leave this way, get off this path, and stop confronting us with the Holy One of Israel.” I think we, as a people, do not want to hear prophetic voices or visions of right. We want the media and the authorities to assuage our fears by placing an illusory band-aid on the world’s ills. I can’t stand it. Shit is fucked up and we want people to tell us it all doing just fine—we are all fine here now, bye, bye.

Interesting: (Isaiah 30:22) Throwing away idols like a menstrual cloth? I feel a t-shirt design waiting to happen! 😉

April 12
630PM-8PM
Cornerstone Center for the Arts
ENG 409 Reading
Be there.
For more information:
CLICK HERE.

Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself that today is a new day. Yesterday’s worries, tomorrow’s worries, they don’t figure into today. What was done yesterday is done. What will be done tomorrow hasn’t happened yet. It doesn’t impact my day today. What does impact my day today are my actions and reactions. I cannot live my life camped out in the desert like one of the desert fathers or mothers for several reasons. As frustrating as it may be, I cannot imagine my life without people. I cannot imagine life without interaction with others. I frequently say that life would be fine without the nuisance of others. I care too much for them, the others. I want to know why people walk with their heads slung low. I want to know why my stomach leaps certain people cross my path. I want to know why I can walk right past a homeless person and then weep at church on Easter Sunday. I want to know why there is still injustice in the world and why I am part of it. I want to know why I can’t leave people alone. Why? What is it about people that draws me to them? Is it their reflection of the divine? Is it the image of God hiding within them? Today is a new day and I will recognize the whisper of the divine in humanity. I will seek it out with diligence. Where divine flame are you hiding?

We call one of our cats, Mimi, a “food whore” because she will do anything to try to get a bite of food. She chews through plastic bags, jumps up on the counter, and has even opened the zipper, yes, opened the zipper on my backpack to get at the muffin I smuggled home from work.

Mimi is my cat, and like her I practice harlotry. I am a book whore. I think the worst thing for me about not having money, or being poor, would be not having books at my disposal. I know the library is free, but I like to own the books. Selfish? Yes. I write in them, I dog-ear the pages, I do all those things Mrs. Heinkel my middle school librarian taught us not to do. I even eat Cheetos while I read because they are my books! I just ordered a new round of books from Amazon, which is a thing I hate. I hate the impersonal nature of ordering books online. I want to hold them and fondle them and love them in person. I like to do it in public with other people who love books the way I love them. I love hardbacks with no jackets. And I love paperbacks with their soft, fresh flexibility. I love independent bookstores, coffee shops, etc. But I also love a bargain. I preordered the new Harry Potter book, and I ordered three other books, Sex God by Rob Bell, The Gospel According to SBUX by Leonard Sweet, and Grace (Eventually) by Anne Lamott. I couldn’t resist them. They called to me from the computer screen.

Becky and I are eventually going to try to buy a house. One of my requirements is a room that I can use for a library/study. I am sure that it will have to be on a ground floor because I have so many books that I am afraid they will collapse a second floor room. She makes fun of me because I have this phobia that I might fall through to the floor below. I am pretty sure that my books would compromise the integrity of the structure of our house. I already own about 14 cases of books.

I say all of this because I am currently rereading a book called Under the Overpass: A Journey of Faith on the Streets of America, and I am rereading another book called the Irresistible Revolution. I do not feel guilty for my wealth, my ability to read, my book harlotry (okay, yeah, i do), but I do feel a strong pull to part with some of my books. I feel like maybe I could donate them, but I have worked in a library and I know what happens to most of the books that people donate. They end up being discarded in the annual booksale. They are then purchased by people who will not love them like I do. People who will read my notes and touch my pages. People who may throw my books away when they are finished with them. I have this vision of driving all over the country and placing books in public spaces for people to enjoy at their leisure. But I can’t part with my books.

This is warped, I know. I know they are just books and maybe, just maybe, one of those books would change a life, but they are mine. There. It is out. My struggle is my ability to part with “my” earthly belongings. I could have nothing, but I have much, and those to whom much is given, much is expected. Maybe, I should by a VW bus and start my own bookmobile?