Back in November sometime, I had this weird illness that we think was mono. I had a sore throat, my mouth had lesions inside it, and my tonsils were nearly touching each other.Whatever illness it was made me so sleepy I could’ve slept for ten to twelve hours a night. I didn’t have time to sleep that much, so I stopped running to conserve energy. Running just wore me out beyond belief.
Today was the first run I have been on since I got sick. I figured out that after taking a month off when you are just getting into shape to start with, I need to essentially start over with my training. I am square one. Can I share with you how much that pisses me off? Well, Rick, I’m pissed off, as Cartman would say.
I have also gained weight since then. I think I have put back on what I lost over the summer. And, yes, that pisses me off as well. I know a good fat studies scholar would not be pissed off about gaining back a mere twenty pounds, but I am no such scholar. I can see what is wrong with our cultural constructions of body size, but I know what feels right on my body, which is hovering around 200 NOT 220.
I also know that hovering lower than that feels even better, so I am running again. Maybe the weight range has nothing to do with it. Maybe I feel better because I know when I am running—or even walking a lot—I am taking care of my body. I am not letting it sit around gathering dust and fat cells, while I stuff my face with Christmas treats or while I write seminar papers and read too much.
Sometimes I think I would have made a good groundskeeper. I should have gone to Purdue and majored in turf management. I could be working at some golf course in Texas right now, riding my lawn mower, writing in my spare time, and going to the beach on the weekends. For that matter, I could have just left the US right after graduation and moved to Ireland. I could have been backpacking around Europe for the last ten or fifteen years.
Instead of doing that, though, I have been making pizzas, being a barista, teaching little kids, pastoring youth, being a graduate student, or teaching college students. Essentially, I have been a part of the rat race. I am a part of the rat race. I will remain a part of the rat race. I wonder how much of my life is consumed with thoughts of possessions or money.
On another little tangent: I think I am losing my mind. Well, at least I am losing my memory. I won’t elaborate, but if another wonderful memory loss episode happens, I promise I will share it. If I remember.
Or are you THE rat race? Could it be that you are the actual race and not merely a part of it?
I’ve resolved to be slightly more Zen-ish. Not really.
Stress=memory issues. STOP STRESSING! (Because yelling that at you is sure to work. Because it always works. Like when you start yelling at some one who doesn’t understand English. Raising your voice always seems to help. Right? Ok. NOW THAT was a tangent!) What was I talking about???