Thanks, Pittsburgh Pirates.

Dear Pittsburgh Pirates,

Thanks for being in last place in the National League. I feel very good about myself for choosing to be a fan of your team this year. My self-esteem needed this boost, and I am sure yours did too. Could you try hard not to completely suck for the rest of this year? If Baltimore ends up with a better record than you do, we’re through.

Sincerely,

A Newly Devoted Fan