Category Archives: Dissertation

Am I a Winner?

Posted on 5 January 2010 | 2 comments

As it turns out, I received a check for four thousand odd dollars in the mail yesterday. It came with a letter in a regular envelope that says I won $118,000 in a drawing from a major super-store. I enter those things all the time, so it would be sweet if I really won. I am going to check it out, but I am pretty sure it is a scam, though it has been kind of nice to dream about what I would do with that much money. I could be debt free and pay a substantial chunk down on our house. That could be nice. I keep wavering between thinking those thoughts and thinking thoughts that say, “You know it is a scam, and you know they will just clean out your savings account.” Funny thing: I have nothing to lose. Literally nothing.

On a more real note, I just received enough money to buy new running shoes, which is a major surprise and blessing. I swear, sometimes grace just smacks you between the eyes. I need a new pair to begin training for the Indy Mini. Between now and May 8, I have to train my body to run 13.1 miles. Can I do it? I hope so, and then I hope I can keep on running, so that I can do a fall marathon in 2011, right after completing my dissertation. I am pretty excited about the whole prospect. Finishing my dissertation, running a marathon, getting a job: all three sound pretty sweet to me.

I gave my shitty first draft of my dissertation proposal to my dissertation director today. I fear meeting with her on Monday, because my writing seems to get worse the more intensely I try to revise or edit. The proposal, as it stands, seems to ramble, repeat, and ramble some more. I hope I can get it spruced up enough to send it out to the whole committee, so I can get it approved by the graduate school and move on to the actual drafting of the dissertation. I am much more excited to write the actual chapters than I was to write the proposal, although I am having a difficult time trying to wrap my mind around the immensity of the project. It seems huge and insurmountable to me right now. Maybe once I get going, I will be able to see the individual aspects of it more easily. That way I can tackle one at a time and make baby-steps.

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I am thankful for gift certificates, unexpected checks, and dreams (attainable or imaginary).

Food: decaf Americano, pear, orange juice, banana, milk, pumpkin cookies

Exercise: RB to Burris and back, walking the dogs

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Posted in Dissertation, Food, Grace, Running

One Syllabus Knocked Out. One to Go.

Posted on 1 January 2010 | 2 comments

I got one syllabus/schedule knocked out today, and the second one is getting the same treatment tomorrow. On Monday, I will present Debbie with my completed draft, which thrills my soul and probably hers, too. No doubt she will be excited to know I am not a complete fuck-up. Though, I am sure there will be multiple revisions required. It’s hard to believe, but this break is actually going to be productive! Wahoo.

My brother and I had a good time running together this morning. Since I have been sick for about a week and because it was FREEZING outside, we only ran two miles. Then we went to Starbucks and had some drinks. When we walked in, my cousin who just got out of the psych ward was there having coffee and stealing movies with their “free” Internet. I said hi to him, but I think he is on heavy doses of some mind-altering drug, because all he said back was an almost inaudible, “Hey.” Weird.

Tomorrow, I am going to Anderson to take Adam to get new tires on his car. To say thanks, he is taking me to have sushi for lunch. I am picking him up at Midas at 8AM, then while he is coaching diving, I am going to sit at his house working on my last syllabus. I must admit that I am nervous about this one, because I have never taught this class before and because the syllabi and schedules I have looked at seem so much more complicated than what I am used to making. Is it necessary to list everything you plan to do in a class period on the schedule? Is it wrong to believe that the schedule should merely be a list of what is due that day? Things to contemplate by tomorrow night. My goal is to finish the syllabus before I go to bed.

David and June are here. We had dinner and now they are playing Rock Band while Bec reads (EDIT: sleeps) and I finish some of my projects and write a bit right here. I am trying desperately to get my calendar squared away for the spring semester, but I will have to wait to completely finish it until I finish my other syllabus.

Last night, we rang in the new year with the Combers. Good times. Even the slightly special, too tired to play properly, Trivial Pursuit and the jacked-up MadLibs were good times. We were so tired that we left before we gave our resolutions, which I usually break within a couple of weeks anyway. My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating like I do. I really didn’t procrastinate like this until graduate school, and I am trying hard to figure out how I can change back into my productive, over-achieving self. Somehow I have morphed from a competitive, perfectionist into a slacker who waits until the last minute to do everything.

How did I become who I am today? I think it started in seminary when I was working full time (for a bit, two jobs) and taking 15 credit hours of graduate classes every semester. I think I just got into the habit of doing everything when I could and that turned into doing it when it was due, which then became completing everything as it has to be turned in. It’s not healthy, though; I swear.

But, I digress; as usual, we ate too many nachos. Sean Lovelace would argue that you can never eat too many nachos. I heartily disagree. Too many nachos can be had. In fact, they were. Last night.

This is all I have left to do from my huge long list at the beginning of the break:

  • Write my ENG 204 syllabus.
  • Send my ordination information to Las Vegas for Rachel’s wedding.
  • Scan in my students’ comics so they can have them back.
  • Finish my dissertation proposal and submit a copy to Debbie before she returns from (Georgia?).

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I am thankful for strange adult children invading my house. 🙂

Food: banana, decaf caramel macchiato, blueberry scone, Christmas goodies, grapefruit, apple, cheese, wheat spaghetti with mushrooms, tofu, basil, and parmesan cheese, salad, strawberry ice cream

Exercise: run two miles

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Posted in Dissertation, Family, Food, Relationships, Running, School, Teaching, Victorian

Old Friends and Relaxation

Posted on 30 December 2009 | Leave a comment

I had the distinct privilege of having lunch today with two of my oldest friends, Tisha and Lyn. I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time! Right now, I am picturing Tisha twirling the ends of her imaginary mustache as she talks about how crazy someone is, and I am picturing Lyn’s very serious look she gets when she is trying not to laugh, which has always cracked me up.

We spent the majority of our time together talking about crazy people we know, and listening to Tish discuss her most recent surgery. The highlight of the day would be when Tish described her new “poop-bag,” installed because of the removal of her colon, as a play-dough factory for poo.  Her pronouncement of the play-dough factory for poo came complete with Lyn’s hand motion of pushing down the lever on a real play-dough fun factory while her other hand forms the play-dough squirting out. Tish then said, “Yeah, just like that, only the consistency of baby poo.” How much more amazing can you get? I would argue not much.

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I spent the afternoon at Starbucks working on my dissertation proposal and reading. While I was there, three older people came in and sat down in the chairs just opposite me. I want to write a creative nonfiction piece from the experience because it was so endearing and unsettlingly common. This is what I have so far:

Circled Around an Apple Fritter in the Tillotson Starbucks

He pats her three or seven times, never more or less, always three or seven times. She whispers to him, “I love you.” Occasionally, she follows that proclamation with, “Thanks for all you do for me.” When she says this to him, he pats her left hand with his right, seven times. “I love you, too.”

She asks, “Are we going back to school after lunch?”

He pats three times and says, “No, I am going home with you to keep you safe, so you won’t have to worry.”

“I don’t want to go to Greensburg.”

“We aren’t going to Greensburg. We are going home. Here in Muncie. Patty is going to Greensburg.” He gestures toward the other woman who sits on his left. The three are sharing an apple fritter and two cups of coffee. He has poured a toddler’s portion of his coffee into a short cup and swirls it to cool it for her. He forks a too-big bite of fritter into her mouth. She smiles and chews, crumbs dropping onto her purple jacket. He wipes them gently onto the ground, squeezing her thick hand while her hot pink fingernails tapping the chair in time to her own music. I wonder if he paints her nails or if she gets them done at a salon.

“When are you going back to school? I want to go home.” He pats her hand three times and reminds her that they are going home after she finishes her coffee.

“It’s hot, but it’s good for you. Be careful. It’s still too hot,” he speaks gently to her like a kindergarten teacher talks to her students. He pats her leg seven times and caresses her cheek. As she lifts the cup, he reminds, “Hot. Hot. Hot. Careful.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Dear.”

She looks across the table toward Patty and asks, “What school do you go to? Do you have to go back to school this afternoon?”

Patty’s eyes crinkle into a smile and she answers, “I quit school. I hated being a school girl.” They all laugh, but the woman seems bewildered, unsure about what is funny.

“Are we going home now? I don’t want to go to Greensburg.”

“One last swallow of coffee and we are going home.” He pats her arm three times while she swallows the last of the drink from the tiny paper cup. When he gets up to take the trash to the bin, she asks, “Are you going back to school now?”

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I am thankful for people who exhibit more patience than I could ever muster.

Food: orange juice, grilled cheese, seasoned fries, cottage cheese, Christmas goodies, two decaf Americanos, plain bagel with cream cheese, salad with strawberries, garbonzo beans, parmesan cheese, mushrooms, and honey mustard dressing

Exercise: walked the dogs a mile

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Posted in Dissertation, Food, Grace, Reading, Relationships, Writing

Eating Animals? No.

Posted on 29 December 2009 | 1 comment

I am reading Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer, and I have to say that I am pretty glad I am not eating animals while I am reading it. In fact, I should buy my own copy of this book to read in order to remain a lifelong vegetarian. More accurately, if I read this book a couple of times, I would undoubtedly be vegan for life. While the book does have some weak spots, for the most part it is well-written and incredibly interesting. I should have waited for summer to read it, but I couldn’t resist all the hype. For once in my life, I am a follower.

I think I am finally getting over this weird sinus thing I have had going on for most of the break. It started out with a mildly irritated throat, escalated into sneezing and head-congestion, and is now maxed out with all the above, plus swollen glands and an excruciating sore throat. I am hoping that my little nap (30 minutes) this afternoon will help me feel better tomorrow to work on this dissertation proposal. Additionally, I hope that I will feel well enough in the morning to run. Just a couple miles would be nice.

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I am thankful for good books, excellent writing, and human reason.

Food: four baby cupcake/muffin thingies, Ruby Tuesday veggie minis, salad bar, blackberry lemonade, decaf Americano, popcorn, apple, cheese, orange juice, a couple of Christmas goodies

Exercise: walked the dogs two miles

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Posted in Dissertation, Food, Running

My Bald Head Scares Iz

Posted on 22 December 2009 | 3 comments

I went to the 505 tonight to spend some time with Ed and Abs. They just got back from Frankenmouth and brought all sorts of amazing gifts back with them. Iz picked out some sweet breast cancer socks and a rubber ducky Christmas ornament for me. They also brought back bread and fudge. I am so spoiled.

I learned tonight that my bald head scares my god daughter. I took off my Oscar the Grouch hat because my head was getting hot, and she ran over to her dad and gave me a strange look. I put my hat back on. When her mom came back into the room, I tried to get Iz to make the same funny face so I took off my hat. Iz started crying and ran to her dad again. We were completely stumped by her reaction, though, because she has seen my head bald countless times. However, this time she freaked out.

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Today I was able to purchase all the supplies to make my Christmas presents. All in all it is considerably less expensive to make gifts for people than to buy gifts. I would love to explain what I am making, but I will have to wait until after Christmas to explain because some people who will receive these gifts read this blog and I don’t want to ruin what little is left as a surprise. I hope it all works out okay.

I think I can experiment tomorrow after working some more on my dissertation proposal. Tomorrow will be a long day. Getting up at 3AM to take Elizabeth to Indianapolis will be a good way to start the day. My plan is to take her down there,  to come home and walk the dogs, then to go back to bed for a bit before getting up and reading and writing for the day. I will also be cat patrolling tomorrow, cleaning litter boxes and feeding felines. Sweet.

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I am thankful for time spent with family, even when it is stressful.

Exercise: walked the dogs, ran 2 miles

Food: banana, juice, chocolate milk, tea, decaf Americano, Indian buffet (too much food), chocolate mousse cake

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Posted in Christmas, Dissertation, Family, Food, Relationships