Category Archives: Dissertation

Almost Back Among the Living

Well, as you may have noticed, I haven’t written anything for a while. My absence has been caused predominantly by my over-zealous scheduling and lack of early completion of projects. I can honestly say, though, that I am improving on this front. I have merely had more to do this semester than I usually do because of teaching at Burris and teaching two classes in the Writing Program. I really haven’t procrastinated as much as usual, at all. I am pretty pleased that I am left with only fifty portfolios, twenty-five memoirs, and twenty-five finals to grade. All of these have been turned in this week, so I couldn’t have graded them any sooner.

My to do list over break includes (in no certain order):

  • Rewrite my American Literature syllabus.
  • Write my ENG 204 syllabus.
  • Send my ordination information to Las Vegas for Rachel’s wedding.
  • Scan in my students’ comics so they can have them back.
  • Finish my dissertation proposal and submit a copy to Debbie before she returns from (Georgia?).
  • Meet with several old youth group members for lunch/coffee (Dec. 21, Dec. 29, January 2?).
  • Watch Comber cats, Mix-Berg cat, Weiss cats, and my own animals.
  • Take Elizabeth to train station (Dec. 23rd) and pick her up (Jan. 6).
  • Spend some time with Amy on the 26th & 27th.
  • Turn in my grades by 10AM on Monday, work at the mission at 9AM on Monday.
  • Spend Christmas Eve with the Combers!
  • Spend Christmas with family!
  • Celebrate Izzy’s half birthday and her baptism anniversary.
  • Run the Inaugural Running in Circles for Fun at Minnetrista on New Year’s Day.

This should be an interesting break. The two things I must accomplish: dissertation proposal completion and 204 syllabus creation. I will also return to writing here everyday, running, and recording my food. It’s been a weird week or so.

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Exercise: walked the dogs, walked from Burris to RB to Lafollette and home

Food: Snickers bar, tea, muffin, tea, sugar cookie, chocolate cupcake, spinach artichoke ravioli, salad, bread

I am thankful for not getting sick earlier in the semester, and I am thankful for exaggeration.

Two Days and No Post. What?

Well, I’ve been lazy.

Bec’s mom asked me to define grace. Here is what I wrote back to her:

I think there is the theological concept of grace, which is sort of wrapped up with mercy, being the divine act of not giving someone what they deserve in payment for a sin they have committed, but I don’t really like to think of grace that way too much because it seems, then, like something you Lord over someone. It seems to cheapen it because you could then say, “Remember that time when I let whatever transgression you committed go?” I think real grace, Biblical or otherwise is so much more than that. Possibly the best way for me to describe the way I think of grace is that it is the anitthesis of shame. Too many of us live in shame all the time for whatever reason.

I was talking with one of my favorite professors the other day and we were talking about this idea in regards to people who had been abused (mentally, physically, sexually, etc.), women who have had abortions, etc. and the way people carry their shame—shame we bring on ourselves, shame we dole out to each other, shame that is part of societal structure, shame that is preached from pulpits, delivered from political lecterns, and spoon fed to school children by their teachers. It seems that shame helps keep people in their hierarchical places. Those of us who can usurp shame with grace break free from those cultural bindings. Grace turns shame upside down. I don’t want this to seem like I don’t think there are consequences for actions. There are. But consequences are one thing and life-long shame is another.

An act of grace could include the simplest thing like taking in your neighbor’s garbage can, talking kindly to a sales clerk, looking people in the eye and saying hello, not throwing a fit at the barista who screws up your coffee AGAIN!, caring about someone who is difficult to care about, or offering your expertise or time to someone else for no good reason. I do think the theological idea figures in to all of this because when we are doing these acts, which are also kindnesses, we are in effect heaping love and mercy onto another person.

Our world would be much better off if we practices “charis” or “hesed” every day as much as possible. “Charis,” the Greek that is usually translated as grace really means goodness, kindness, beauty, or even human creativity, and “hesed,” the Hebrew equivalent, is usually translated as compassion or loving-kindness. Both Biblical terms are used in situations where God empowers the act of grace in the person who is enacting it, or it is an act that God performs toward humans.

I would by no means limit grace to a Christian concept, though; the ideas of grace and compassion abound in almost all religious writings I have read. I think if there is one theological idea that is nearly universal, even among those with no theological ascription, the idea of grace is it. I mean, it seems to be an idea even my atheist friends can get behind.

Also, the great interest in grace is upsurging because I have been trying to write a creative nonfiction piece for about three years that has grace as its main theme. I’m collecting stories of grace form people and I have some pretty good ones to work in.

And, a large portion of my dissertation deals with grace and shame and the way Black women writers use preaching/healing figures with various forms of authority (juridical, ancestral, Biblical, and hybrid) in order to bring grace instead of shame to the Black female body.

Also, I try really hard to live this way, and I am trying to become more conscientious of it as I work with more and more students. If I believe something, I think I should behave in that manner. Obviously, it doesn’t work every day, but I think I am getting better at it.

So, there you have it: my thoughts on grace. I need to work on this essay over break, but I also HAVE to get my dissertation proposal finished.

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This is for two days, the best I can remember:

I am thankful for people who challenge me to think about things in new ways.

Exercise: walked the dogs, ran 3 miles, walked from Burris to RB, etc.

Food: bananas, juices, cheese sandwich, too much pizza, salad, apples, clementines, cheese, pretzels, milk

Reading. Grocery Shopping. Wild Rice Soup.

One of the best books written, Mama Day by Gloria Naylor, was my occupation and my joy for the majority of the day today. I love the way Naylor uses the voices of her characters to tell a complex tale of spirituality and healing, the way she skilfully rends together the tale from Ophelia’s perspective and George’s perspective with the bits told by the omniscient narrator. I think if any writer writes a tale from back to front better than Toni Morrison, it is Naylor. The only way to describe this book is by talking about its beauty and elegance.

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This morning when we went grocery shopping, we had two interesting encounters with strangers. Both were grace filled moments in which we were able to stand in the store and have great conversation with people we didn’t know. It always amazes me that among the chaos of the holiday season and the ridiculous frenzy of the shopping madness that some people become completely intolerant and mean while others become so kind and gracious.

*On a side note I just saw an American Airlines commercial where the attendees of a seminar had to stand face to face because “there is no personal space here. We are all molecules of one large organism.” I don’t rightly think so. Just because I am in favor of kindness and grace, does not mean that I am in favor of being comfy-close with someone else. Ick.*

One of the sweet encounters we had was with a cashier at Meijer, who had just started her shift, but she got to go on her first fifteen minute break after she waited on us. Sometimes when people who work in service jobs find out that they get their breaks, they rush you through in order to get off their feet. I don’t blame them; I’ve worked in the service sector, too. This cashier, whose name I read over and over again so I could remember it, but I didn’t, took her time with us, made small talk, even took two other customers after us because they had been standing in her line. She was friendly, smiled, and told us to have a great day and happy holidays. I think this is going of the way to give grace and make people feel special or human. I like this touch.

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Bec made delicious wild rice soup tonight. She added fresh mushrooms to make it a little more hearty. We haven’t had it for a long time, so it was a welcome dinner. It is rich and thick and a perfect warm up before we go out to walk the dogs. I love a rich stew-like soup!

The Iron Chef secret ingredient is eggnog tonight. I think Bobby Flay got his chef’s hat handed to him by Morimoto. I love it when that happens.

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I am thankful for small but meaningful interactions with people we didn’t previously know.

Exercise: walked dogs 2 miles

Food: banana, hot chocolate, cheese ball, pretzels, celery, swiss cheese, rice soup, almonds, two clementines, Klondike bar

Chili. Hair.

I made some decent chili today to take and share with some of my colleagues. They seemed to enjoy it, but I thought there was a little too much cinnamon and a little something missing. I couldn’t place my finger on it. It was still good, but it wasn’t quite right.

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I have decided to cut my hair over Winter Break. The Nazarite Vow I took in June/July is not coming to an end; I am simply modifying it. For example, I will still not be drinking, eating meat, drinking caffeine, consuming grape products, attending funerals, or consuming large amounts of sugar (obviously this is, next to the hair, the most difficult). My decision to cut my hair has been a difficult one, but I think the spirit of the vow is to separate you from culture (as Ed pointed out to me), and growing my hair out does not necessarily do that. In fact, I would argue that being a woman and having a shaved head would be more counter-cultural. In addition to that, or maybe more to the point, part of the reason for my taking this vow was to help me focus on dissertation. Having hair that drives me crazy is not helping me focus. In fact, it is doing quite the opposite. So, once Winter Break gets here, the hair is leaving the building. When I shave it, I am going to renew my current vow.

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Exercise: walked the dogs 2 miles, walked from RB to Burris

Food: oatmeal, chocolate milk, juice, salad with honey mustard and sunflower seeds, cheese sandwich, chili, two pieces of pizza, one piece of Dairy Queen cake, Klondike bar

Mama Day in the Student Center Redux

Today I am sitting here, waiting to have lunch with Abs, in the the newly improved student center. This new renovation reminds of when they redid the Tally when I was an undergrad. We were so stoked to have a Taco Bell, a Wendy’s, and a couple of other restaurants to choose from. In fact, some of my best memories from college come from the times I spent sitting in the Tally during the Humpday Cafe; they couldn’t just leave Wednesday alone, so they provided the students who had to eat at the Student Center with open mic entertainment. All of us rascals from the HC would sit together at a table and make fun of the bad performers and applaud the good ones; we did much more of the former than the latter. But, it was such a good time of bonding over food. Any bonding done over food is good. 😉

The experience was only made better by the fact that, for a brief moment, Taco Bell brought back the enchirito, the most amazing menu item from our childhoods. It was like a little bean burrito, nestled in a silver tin, covered in red sauce and cheese, and topped with two or three olive slices. Essentially, the enchirito was heaven in a miniature pie plate. I think everyone at the table loved the enchirito, since each of us ate one everyday. It was a toss up between that and the big beef burrito. Ew.

Anyway, the group was such a strange mix of people: Julie, Angie, Tommy, Mike, Amanda, Allen, me, and some others I am sure I am missing. I know there was a whole gaggle of us, and it was a blast. I don’t remember ever leaving without pains in my sides from laughing so hard. One of our chief objectives every day was to make a huge sculpture with all of our trash and then to heckle the person who was chosen to try to carry it—without spilling any of it—to the trash. Those were some of those magically immature times where we had one foot in adulthood and the other one squarely planted in childhood. I mean, how fun is it to watch one of your friends drop everyone’s trash all over the floor and have to pick it up and possibly even have to go get the mop to clean up a drink spill?!? That’s funny.

The student center now houses Taco Bell, dining services, The Chef’s Corner, and Starbucks. The Tally has been opened up and redone with new furniture and a vaulted ceiling. And, the hotel has received a face-lift, as well. It’s actually quite beautiful, but I wax nostalgic for those earlier days that seemed so simple.

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Today’s weather makes me want to sit in the coffee shop all day, reading and writing. I wish sometimes I could cancel classes in order to take advantage of these moods as they strike. I feel like I could write this whole damned proposal today. Or better yet, I could write my way into the sunset like an old-school Marlboro Man and squint my eyes into my own brightness, wondering if I will ever stop shining. Realistically, though, I will teach at Burris, then walk to the other end of campus to teach my college students. Then, when I finish teaching, Drew is in town so he is taking Bec and I out for dinner. It should be good times. I know Drew really appreciates Bec’s ability to accept him for who he is and be nonjudgmental. She’s kind of sweet like that.

Alas, no writing will ensue, though some reading will. Actually, I have already gotten a good start on Mama Day. This dissertation thing may come together after all.

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I am thankful for my new (mostly waterproof) coat and its hood. I love Carhartt. Here is my coat, only mine’s purple, of course.

Exercise: walked the dogs 1.5 miles, ran 2 miles, walked from Burris to Lafollette

Food: banana, juice, chocolate milk, oatmeal, 7-layer burrito, Enchirito (oh, yes, they have them still), Puerto for dinner (veggie quesadilla, chips and salsa)