Category Archives: Joy

Yesterday for Thanksgiving dinner, my Dad, my brother, and I went to Cracker Barrel and then went to the movie theater to watch Red One. My mom was the one who was the most invested in our holiday feasting, so when she passed a few years ago, our holiday meals changed substantially, and I continued going to Minnesota for Thanksgiving for the most part, so I could spend Christmas here in Indiana with Dad and Adam. The first Christmas after she died, Dad wanted Chinese buffet, so we went to Yummy Grill and Buffet and ate crab rangoon and bad lo mein until we were too full of cream cheese, fake crab, and noodles to worry about the fact that Mom had died twelve days before. We added in a movie because what else do you do when the person who carries the joy is gone.

Red One was really a great holiday flick. I won’t spoil the details of the movie for you, but my mom would have loved its Christmas cheesiness, and a couple of times I got really choked up thinking about how she would have been cheering and yelling at the screen like several of our fellow movie goers. Mom was one of those people who clapped at the end of movies, like the actors on screen could hear her. She also loudly gave instructions to the characters about how they could thwart danger or how they could save the day. I like to think she loves the fact that we all go together to movies more now, since I have learned to tolerate the loudness and flashingness of them. I wish I’d have accomplished that while she was still alive, because I am sure she would’ve loved another movie going partner. I take her with me now, though, so I guess we grow in weird ways in weird timing.

I love Cracker Barrel. I know that isn’t a popular opinion, but their chicken and dumplings, when they are on point, are one of things my little carbohydrate-loving heart craves the most. The dumplings are sticky and thick, the broth is rich and with a little pepper is perfect, and the chicken is tender and moist. The sides are a bit underwhelming, but when I can get mashed sweet potatoes and fried okra without having to figure out what to do with the leftovers, I will take them a little less good than I can make at home. Yesterday, for their special menu, and probably until Christmas, they have Sugar Plum Sweet Tea, which is maybe one of the best drinks I’ve had at casual dining, though it was even a bit sweet for me.

I was amazed by how many people were both at Cracker Barrel and the movie theater, but I also loved that so many people were with their families. There were so many big tables seated at CB that I had to smile and think about all of the love in that place. People were smiling, talking with each other, laughing, and generally enjoying each other’s company in a way that I don’t see as much I would like. At the theater, people were being polite, sharing popcorn, chatting with their family and friends. Some days I get a glimpse into what I love about this world. And I needed that yesterday. I need it every day. But I especially needed it yesterday.

For Christmas, we’re going to try our hand at making an indigenous feast with foods found native in Indiana. We’re starting with deer steaks that Dad was gifted by a neighbor and building from there. Suggestions are always welcome, but the ingredients must be decolonized and indigenous to the Midwest, preferably to Indiana.

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I know my last post was a bit dark. I am trying really hard to figure out how to stay out of that space in my brain, but I have been feeling really overwhelmed since August. “Brian,” my brain when he misbehaves, has been working on overtime mayhem lately, but I have finally caught up on all of my school work, so I think it may be better now. As an ennagram 4w5 (might as well just call myself a 4/5), sometimes I see bits of joy or hope, but I am a little afraid to get too excited about them, or to seize them, because, well, surely sadness will just follow, right? I am working on that too. I want to be hopeful and joyful in a new way in my life. Since the new year starts, in my way of thinking and according to the church calendar, on this coming Sunday with the First Sunday of Advent, I figured why not just put my goals or aspirations or hopes for 2025 out here today; some of them are carry over from 2024, because I didn’t do so well accomplishing them.

1. Love more. Give and receive more hugs. Tell people, “I love you.”
2. Be more honest and vulnerable, and trust people to love me. Set better boundaries, tell people when they hurt me, hear them when they tell me I hurt them. Listen to people and believe what they tell me.
3. Move more. Swim. Bike. Walk. Run. Hike. Dance. Wobble. Play with Luna.
4. Read and write more. Read the Bible, books, newspapers, magazines. Write about things: gratitude, anger, grief, frustration, hopes, dreams, joy, memories, visions. Start a rage and hope journal.
5. Practice moderation in consumption. Eat in moderation. Buy in moderation. Use technology in moderation.
6. Be sober and be present.