Category Archives: Teaching

Nostalgia and Grading

As usual, I am down to the wire on grading, but I am at my brother’s house because we are going to go run after they (Adam, Zac, and William) get back from church. After the events of last weekend, William is living with my brother every weekend now; he is required by his grandfather to go to church every Sunday. As soon as Zac, who spent the night with William last night, gets out of the shower, they are going to leave. Church starts at 11:02 and lasts for about an hour. I think I can finish grading the class I am working on while they are gone. Then I just have the other class to go.

I would finish the papers right now, but my brother is using YouTube to watch the theme songs from old cartoons and television shows that we used to watch. So far we have done Sesame Street, The Electric Company, 3-2-1 Contact, Shirt Tales, The Littles, Fat Albert, Jem, and Rubik, The Amazing Cube. At the top of the computer’s volume. He watches these as the television is on in the corner. Football players talking in their dull, slow monotone juxtaposed with the quick, jingly melodies of cartoon theme songs, all while grading, makes for no grading at all.

I just used my minute of silence while Adam and William went outside to do a photo-shoot of William in his red polo to post this, so I guess I am partially to blame for the fact that I will be up until the wee hours of the morning finishing my grading. So be it. At least I am consistent.

I will post more about this ridiculously hilly run later. I hope it prepares me well for the 10K next weekend.

EDIT: This run was amazing. I wish I lived in Anderson or two reasons: I would get to see my brother more often and I could run at the Mounds every weekend. I love trail running because it is such a change from the drudgery of the street. Once you’ve seen one asphalt or concrete  thoroughfare, you’ve seen them all. Of course, the scenery on a street is ever-changing, but the foot-feel is monotonous. I sort of jones on having to watch for roots and rocks with every footstep. The route we ran took us along the river, up and down several hills in the woods, and past a few of the park’s features, like the Great Mound, a brick house, and their park office. The only thing that sucked was their marking system. I mean, there wasn’t one. I thought I was lost, but I just kept running along the river, assuming that I would either make it back to Muncie or to Illinois.

Comps and Teaching

I passed my comprehensive exams. I am not sure how I feel about it just yet. On one hand I am excited to be finished with coursework and being tested, but on the other hand I question that I deserve to pass. Am I really ready? Will I one day be unmasked as the person who knows much less than she should? This is how I feel: twisted up in my middle-parts, not like a jazzfest. keith-haring-montreux-jazz-festival-1983A friend tells me that self-deprecation doesn’t suit me well, and I am not sure that I am necessarily self-deprecating. I would say that I have lots of self-doubt. I don’t know where all that self-doubt stems from, because I used to be self-assured and almost prideful. I knew I could do anything. I knew I was intelligent. I knew that I could skate by in almost any situation.

Maybe it is maturity, maybe it is being around people who are more intelligent than I am, maybe it is simply intellectual development, but I feel less adept at scholarly endeavors now than ever. I think I might just have more of a handle on those things that I don’t know than I did before. I just need to make sure I don’t let those fears, or doubts, paralyze me.

*

I need to get through this dissertation, well, at least the proposal, in a quick minute if I want to keep teaching at Burris. I have until December to get it finished. Or no Burris. And, I do love Burris.

My students are really engaged. Today we discussed race and ethnicity at the turn of the century, using Paul Laurence Dunbar’s “Frederick Douglass” and “We Wear the Mask” and Chief Joseph’s speech, “I Will Fight No More Forever,” at his surrender to the US Army. My students recognized that some racial relationships are cyclical, and were comparing the way the speaker feels in Dunbar’s “Mask” to the way different ethnicities feel they have to put on a mask today. They also did a really good analysis of the original texts, aside from their cultural conversation. It was an excellent discussion, and I was really proud of them! They rock.

*

I think the more I wrestle with my place in academia, the Church, and culture, the more difficult it is for me to clearly define who I am or even who I want to be. Sometimes I feel lost in trying to define myself. But, this feeling of confusion helps me to give more grace to those people around me. My own lost sensibility helps me to recognize the chaos inside other people and to give them more grace.

Maybe that is what the psalmists mean when they write, “Deep calls to deep at the roar of the waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.”  Do the speaker know the feeling of being lost within themselves and wondering if anyone else has ever felt that particular sensation? Or are they merely recognizing the fact that God is the only entity who can clearly save us from our own uncertainties. Is this why Paul later writes in Phillipians, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”? Does Paul know how God’s deep settles our unsettled deepness? Do the sons of Korah know this, too? They end their Psalm with these words: “Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Of course, if you read Psalm 43 along with Psalm 42, you get the whole picture of the speaker asking God to come to his/her aid.

With that said,  I feel like I am getting more adept at locating other people’s weaknesses and giving them support, but I also feel like I am allowing myself to be more vulnerable and also more accepting of the grace of others. I am not sure what this means, but I feel like it is happening.

If I am becoming more like Christ, bring it on.

I want to live graciously in all ways.

I want to be able to say: “I am your message, Lord. Throw me like a blazing torch into the night, that all may see and understand what it means to be a disciple.” – St. Maria Skobtsova, Orthodox nun and martyr (1891-1945)

This I Believe Draft

I have been called a communist. I have been called a socialist. I think communalist or Christian describes me more accurately than either of the other two words. But I won’t balk if anyone calls me a communist or socialist.  I embrace these two names because of the things I believe.

Because I believe that people are inherently good, I believe we could easily live together in harmony if people were willing to do a few things differently. In other words, we need to make some cultural lifestyle changes. People are generally out for themselves because our culture forces them to be. Deep down everyone is generous.  Some cultures thrive by living in community; ours just happens to be more focused on individualism. However, a few small changes could cause big ripples.

I believe we should listen when other people talk. I had a professor who once said to someone in class, “Could you start over? I forgot to listen.” I think he was being honest about a behavior that many of us suffer from on a daily basis: we don’t listen to each other. Instead of having the decency, though, to admit that we forget to listen, we pretend that we are listening all along. Sometimes we even nod our heads as if we agree with the other person, not knowing what it is we’re agreeing to. If we, as humans, truly listened to each other instead of writing our shopping lists, planning our evenings, or thinking about that joke that someone told us earlier, then the world would be much less chaotic because we would all know what other people said instead of pretending like we do. We might also learn something about other people, which in turn might make us more compassionate.

Maybe this could be partially aided if people would return to using common courtesies in their speech, like saying please and thank you. It wouldn’t hurt if we would take the time to answer the question, “How are you?” with an honest answer instead of giving the answer that everyone expects: “Fine.” One day I want to say to someone, “I am not fine. I am dying inside and my soul hurts so bad.” And I want that to be okay. I want to be able to tell people when I struggle, but I also believe we should rejoice when there is reason for rejoicing. Life is good sometimes, most times if we try hard to see the joys. We should be able to celebrate the good and lament the bad together.

I believe part of this inability to connect to other people stems from the fact that we are too in love with our possessions. Especially as Americans, we love our technology, our cars, our houses, our gadgets, and gizmos. Perhaps if we were required each year to donate our one prized possession to a homeless shelter, domestic violence shelter, or children’s home, we would understand that the things are not where our attachments should lie, but that we should become more deeply invested in each other.

If your child could take his favorite toy, donate it to another child who lives in a homeless shelter, build a relationship with that other child, and see what it feels like to be involved in another persons life, maybe we could teach our children that the world doesn’t belong to them as individuals, but it belongs to them as a society. If you would take your computer (before it completely conks out) and donate it to a battered woman who is trying to get a job to get out of her abusive household, imagine the change in her life. Maybe you even have a great business suit you could include in the package. Something as simple as saving your hotel shampoo, lotion, and soap and giving it to men’s shelter makes a big impact in someone’s life. Have you ever tried to get a job without proper bodily hygiene?  Nearly impossible.

This is why I believe in feeding homeless people: we are one bad day from the fifth floor of the VA hospital. Most of us are one bad day from homelessness, too. What happens today on Wall Street could effect you, it could effect me, or it could effect someone we know. How many homeless people are living on the streets because of one bad day? This isn’t to say that some people don’t choose homelessness. Some do. Some people consciously choose to drop out of capitalism, drop out of society, or just fade into the background. I don’t blame them. All the keeping up is hard work. Never walk past another person without making eye contact. You are no better than the teenager with scars up and down his arms, living on the street. We are all  interconnected.

Maybe we should all eat out of dumpsters. Then we could look each other in the eyes. Maybe it is a blessing that we throw away too much. No, it is heresy. We could feed a small country with what we put in the garbage can each day. Each day Americans throw away more than most people eat in a week.  We should all be more frugal.  When I was in high school, my boyfriend and I dumpster dived many times. We foraged–no, gleaned–potato chips from the dumpster behind the Seyfert’s distribution center and sold them at lunch. We used the money to pay for dates, movies, and other things we wanted but didn’t have money for. Looking back, we probably should have just given the chips away and not worried about getting money for them. We didn’t disrupt the capitalist cycle, we just reinvented it.

Maybe I am communist, because I think all people should get paid the same amount of money. The big corporate executive would be nowhere without the people who work in her factories or retail centers, and they would all be no where without the person who cleans up after them all. Where would most people be without coffee farmers, trash collectors, ministers, rabbis, and teachers? Are professional sports and big-name actors or actresses of more worth than their elementary organization sponsors? If we all got paid the same amount for doing what we are good at, then we could go about doing those things without feeling the pressure of keeping up with the Joneses, never mind that the Joneses work no harder for their possessions than we do. I suppose if we weren’t obsessed with possessions, we wouldn’t care if we couldn’t keep up with the Joneses, though.

I believe no one should look at you funny if you make change out of the offering plate at church. God doesn’t care if you only have a twenty but can only afford to give up five for the Church. God cares more that you are giving something than nothing. Remember the story of the poor widow’s mite.  God will multiply your five dollars and use it to feed and clothe the masses. Haven’t you ever read the story of the loaves and the fishes?

That story, I will add, confirms what I have been writing: life is all about sharing, gleaning, feeding, and giving what you have to others. Call it communism if you must. I will call it being like Christ.

I Believe…

  1. people are inherently good.
  2. in smelling flowers.
  3. in watching butterflies.
  4. that if everyone rode a motorcycle, we would be a much more peaceful planet.
  5. in God.
  6. tattoos make skin beautiful.
  7. in sleeping for at least 9 hours each night.
  8. that tragedies happen for a reason.
  9. that we should share what we have with people who don’t have as much.
  10. in feeding homeless people.
  11. people live the best in community.
  12. in running.
  13. reading helps us to understand each other on a deeper level.
  14. what we eat matters.
  15. that beer is good.
  16. everyone should get paid the same amount.
  17. there should be no racism.
  18. that gay people should be allowed to marry.
  19. we should think for ourselves.
  20. people should say please and thank you.
  21. we should revere our elders.
  22. we should train our children up in a calm, guiding manner.
  23. in grace.
  24. people should listen when other people talk.
  25. people should answer the question, “How are you?” with an honest answer.
  26. you should be able to make change out of the offering plate at church.
  27. vanilla malts with frosted flakes and mini marshmallows are next to heaven in loveliness.
  28. I could eat pizza for every meal.
  29. swine flu is a government scare tactic to keep us paranoid.
  30. people should be able to dress comfortably for all occasions.
  31. clothing designers should learn that not all fat women are busty.
  32. we should spend time discussing ideas and not people.
  33. each year people should have to donate their most prized possession to a homeless shelter, domestic violence shelter, or children’s home.
  34. most ill-feelings can be cured by walking in the woods.
  35. squirrels really are out to get us.
  36. when people swim they release their stress into the water with each stroke.
  37. hormones kill brain cells.
  38. most good music was made in the late 60s, early 70s.
  39. diamonds are not a girls best friend.
  40. we should still talk about AIDS and other STDs in health class, and talk about ways other than abstinence to prevent them.
  41. every child deserves a happy childhood, but does not need to be spoiled to accomplish that childhood.
  42. in equal rights for all people.
  43. we throw away too much. We should be more frugal.
  44. Chuck Taylors and Five Fingers are the world’s most perfect shoes.
  45. in gleaning out of dumpsters.

Blogging With My Students

I just asked my students to blog about their perceptions of college life so far, and I though it only fair that I join them. Of course, I will write about my perceptions of my school year up to this point because I have been in college for far too long to have any new perceptions about it.

I have to say that this year has gotten off to a rocky but beautiful start. My students at both schools are intelligent, participatory, and fun. Once again, I lucked out as far as my students go. I cannot say the same for some of my colleagues who have students they can already tell they won’t get along with. Maybe it’s just my magnetic personality. I have had a couple of tense moments with one of my high school students, but we’re moving towards common ground so things are looking up. I have to say that I am pleased with the way things are going.

I say it has been rocky, too, because it took about a week for me to adjust to working every day at the same time. It was a good and welcome change to have a set schedule, because I can now get up and walk the dogs, run, then go to Burris. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I then go to BSU to teach my two classes there.  On Monday and Wednesday, I read and study. I am reserving my Fridays, with the exception of when I teach at Burris, to meet with friends, relax, and play disc golf. I think the year will be a good one.