Category Archives: Winter Weather

Snow and Brokenness

Once a year, I like snow. Today is that day. I won’t still like it tomorrow. I wouldn’t have liked it yesterday. Today is the only day I will like it. And it is beautiful!

Falling in small concise flakes with an occasional conglomeration of them posing as a larger flake or two, the snow has made the usual greyness of Muncie a pristine white. I won’t say the snow has blanketed the city—that would be cliche.

Is it cliche to say that the snow only covers the sins of the world, but the snow doesn’t make them disappear? Is it cliche to say that the snow is a bandage with a wound festering under it? Is it cliche to wish that melting snow would leave behind healing and love?

Today’s snow may be beautiful, but its’ beauty doesn’t change the fact that the world is broken. People hurt and people suffer. We no longer live in Eden. We have yet to see paradise.

I just had a conversation with a woman who is becoming a friend. I wanted to remove her sorrow like the non-beating heart it is. I wanted to make it better, then, but I can’t. I wanted to tell her it will all be okay. I can’t promise that. Things don’t always work out. If they did, we’d have nothing to celebrate.

Today, I celebrate the snow. I celebrate Walt Whitman and his ability to understand. I refrain from singing the body electric, but “I Sit and Look Out” is one of my favorite poems of his:

I sit and look out upon all the sorrows of the world, and upon all the oppression and shame,

I hear secret convulsive sobs from young men at anguish with themselves, remorseful after deeds done,

I see in low life the mother misused by her children, dying, neglected, gaunt, desperate.

I see the wife misused by her husband, I see the treacherous seducer of young women,

I mark the ranklings of jealousy and unrequited love attempted to be hid, I see these sights on on the earth,

I see the workings of battle, pestilence, tyranny, I see martyrs and prisoners,

I observe a famine at sea, I observe sailors casting lots who shall be kill’d to preserve the lives of the rest,

I observe the slights and degradations cast by arrogant persons upon laborers, the poor, and upon negroes, and the like;

All these—all the meanness and agony without end I sitting look out upon,

See, hear, and am silent.

Walt wasn’t silent, though. He wrote it all down. Sometimes the written word resounds more fully than the spoken.

Whitman amazes me because he wrote such sad, and anguished poems as “I Sit and Look Out,” but he also wrote about beauty and life. Take for example this short poem: “I see the sleeping babe nestling the breast of its mother,/ The sleeping mother and babe—hushed, I study them long and long.” How beautiful!

Maybe a better metaphor for the snow is this: The earth is cradled in the bosom of snow. I feel cradled today. I want to study the snow long and long.

Ice: My Kryptonite

I got up this morning ready to go. I had put my shoes, sweatpants, watch, headband, and new Smartwool running socks (I recommend these heartily by the way) next to the bed. My plan was to get up, get dressed, walk the dogs, take my first “long run” of three miles. I call it a long run because that is what the plan calls it. Three miles in my mind is not a long run.

I got up, got dressed, and came down stairs only to find a layer of ice covering the entire world. If you know me, you know I cannot walk on ice so there is no way I could run on it. For those of you who say that running on ice is easier than walking, I am in agreement. I have tried that, and while it is easier, it is still not beneficial nor elegant. I slide just as easily moving faster.

I am hoping that it will warm up enough for some of the ice to melt, so that I can go out this afternoon. I thought about going to Ball Gym to use the track, and I thought about using an eliptical or treadmill at Irving, but there is something incredibly unsatisfactory about the jogging experience when it is done indoors. I feel like a hamster.

Until then, here I sit: typing instead of jogging. I have spent the last half-hour surfing the Net, checking up on old friends, and Stumbling through a couple of websites.

Last night, I spent almost half and hour looking for some new running shoes. I want a website that is a collective of fat runners doing shoe reviews. I usually prefer Asics because they seem to have better support and a stronger, longer-lasting upper. Last spring, when I first started jogging again, I went to Indianapolis to a specialty running store to have my gait analyzed and to find “the perfect shoe” for my foot.

I hate the shoes I bought. Over a hundred dollars for a pair of Brooks GTS 8s. They do support well for the slight pronation I have, but the sole and the padding that prohibit the turning of my ankles makes the ball of my foot slide to the outside of the toe box.

They only have about six months or about 360 miles of walking/jogging and they are already shredded. They are in worse shape than the pair of Asics TN 724s I bought them to replace. And, I reiterate that they are NOT comfortable.

For the first month or so, they were heavenly. The workers at the Indy Running Company were right about that part, but they are not made for a heavy runner. My friend Sarah wears them. They are her favorite shoes. She probably weighs a hundred pounds wet—half my weight! She can have them. I will take my Asics.

fat-girl-running-fh-outlineAll this brings me around to my point: can someone start a Clydesdale or Athena website that is helpful to those of us who are a little larger but still like the feel of a good jog? There are plenty of blogs, personal webpages, and the like, but you would think some company like Asics or New Balance or Saucony would create a webpage for their fat clientel. Every fat runner I know wears one of the three above types of shoes. I’m just saying they could make a fortune!