Category Archives: Writing

Exit Facebook. Fat Festivities. Little Bit of Runnin’.

Posted on 14 April 2010 | 5 comments

I made a bold move last night and deactivated my Facebook account. I decided to delete myself because I have spent too much time on the computer lately, choosing to talk to people through a keyboard and a screen instead of simply calling them or going to do something with them. I could have spent the weekend playing disc golf with Ed, but instead I stayed inside on the computer. I didn’t get any of my grading finished, nor did I get my dissertation proposal finished like I should have. I haven’t been writing here as frequently as I should, and I haven’t written anything creative either. All of this happened because I was compulsively checking Facebook. So, I decided to be more intentional and more mindful about my friendships. The only thing I regret is the fact that I won’t have contact with my cousins, but I figure that I can get their phone numbers or email addresses from my brother.

My friends, Sarah and Elizabeth, and I are going to submit a proposal to another fat studies conference. Sarah is possibly going to talk about pedagogy, Elizabeth is going to discuss pieces of a graphic novel about 18th century fat-guys, and I am going to talk about my high school students’ perceptions of fat and the ways we work to overcome their stereotypes/misunderstandings of fat. I am excited because if we get into the conference, it means that we get to spend several days with each other after just seeing each other for a week during the summer. And, I am looking forward to possibly meeting a friend of hers from Nebraska.

This morning I ran five miles, which seemed like an eternity. I kept thinking that a marathon is five times as long as what I ran this morning. I got a little discouraged, but then I thought about the fact that I am running 13.1 miles in a few weeks, which is 13.1 times as far as I could run a year ago. Surely, in six months I can double that distance. Right?

I ran past the two cutest older women. They moved over as I ran past, and I said, “That isn’t necessary. I am really slow. I promise I won’t run over you!” The one lady smiled and said, “It’s her first time out here walking, so I’m trying to teach her the rules.” I loved it, and I wanted to ask her if she could please explain the rules to other people who use the trail. It would be so nice if people in Muncie knew the rules of trail usage.

Small things like saying. “Bike on your left!” from far enough away for people to move their three cantankerous dogs off to the right side of the trail would be amazing. Runners who don’t have their headphones turned up so high that they can’t hear bikers who actually yell, “Bike on the left!” would be an amazing addition to the Greenway as well. I mean there are common courtesies (rules) that users of trails should follow. I suppose it’s too much to ask for people who move under their own power to follow rules when people who drive lethal weapons everyday can’t follow the rules. Ugh.

I am thankful for freedom.

Food: banana, juice, almonds, fruit snacks, chai latte, two pieces of pizza, rock ‘n’ rye, salad with garbonzo beans, cheese quesadilla

Exercise: ran five miles, walked from Burris to Irving Gym, walked the dogs 1.5 miles, one hour of racquetball

5 Comments

Posted in Disc golf, Dissertation, Fat, Relationships, School, Teaching, Writing

It’s Been Weird Lately

Posted on 22 February 2010 | 1 comment

I’ve been doing quite a bit of helping other people sift through their writing, but not doing a lot of my own writing. It feels a bit strange to read the writing of other people and feel compelled to comment on what I see, but it feels even stranger to be asked to do so by some people who I consider to be way better writers than I am. I just string words together to tell about my experiences, and they hone and craft nouns, verbs, adjective, and adverbs into expressions that could hang next to Monet’s paintings in the gallery. In a cliché expression, they create art and I just put things on paper. I am like the Andy Warhol of writing, only not good or clever.

Don’t let that paragraph make you think I haven’t enjoyed the past couple of weeks. I have. I got to read essays about Mary, learn about Medieval disabilities, understand why a friend ended up in Zambia, and critique letters of recommendation. My skills are multi-faceted. I offer then for free, even when I am not asked. 🙂

I am still working on the SotM, but I didn’t get a chance to work on a passage for today and rather than rush it and pretend like I learned some more, I think I will simply stop here. I need to finish reading a book for class tomorrow night anyway.

I am thankful for the writing opportunities I have had recently.

Food: banana, juice, grape pop tart, chocolate milk, horrible decaf americano, grapefruit, apple, almonds and M&Ms, vegan lasagna, mac and cheese, porter, salad with two fake burgers

Exercise: walked with Abs for about half an hour, walked the dogs

1 Comment

Posted in Food, Lent, Writing

Codename: Kids Next Door

Posted on 3 February 2010 | 1 comment

While waiting for my lunch/dinner to bake in the 400º oven for 60-75 minutes, I just watched the strangest cartoon I have seen since I was a kid and Q-bert was part of the Saturday morning line-up. The episode of Codename: Kids Next Door that was on involves a box of Rainbow Crunch Puffs or some such cereal. There is only box left, and everyone wants it. After multiple fights in which various villains/good guys destroy the grocery store in their overzealous attempts to conquer their foes, a character who looks like an old private eye, complete with a pipe and a cap, but shrouded in a dark, reclusive silhouette uses fire power to pop corn and then burn it up. By doing so he exposes several children dressed as superheroes who are hiding under all the popped corn.

I can only assume said children were the “Kids Next Door,” but they didn’t have the cereal either. Of course, the person who ends up with the cereal only wants it because he wants to destroy it.”It’s bad for your teeth, you know,” says the retainer-clad, head-gear-wearing villain. Somehow, everyone in the grocery store combines forces, overpowers Retainer Head and eats the last box of Rainbow Crunch Puffs in a communal breakfast. Just weird. Now, of course, Misadventures of Flapjack is on. Weirder.*

Today wasn’t such a great day. I feel like I am spinning my wheels lately. I am having that feeling that I have every once in a while. I get this notion in my head that I can’t succeed, well, not simply succeed but excel, at anything I am doing. I feel like I am being torn in too many directions: teaching at BSU, teaching at Burris, grading for BSU, grading for Burris, helping edit a high school literary journal, writing a conference paper, writing my dissertation proposal, spending quality time with people who are close to me, trying to find a real job for next year, running, swimming, and sleep. Instead of being able to put “my queer shoulder to the wheel” and get stuff done, I get overwhelmed and can’t do anything.

It’s like I slip into this rote compulsive mode: check Facebook, check email, check phone, check Facebook, check email, check phone, and on and on. It’s quite ridiculous, but I really can’t help it. It’s like I am driven to distract myself from feeling like a failure. Then I get sleepy and just want to sleep. What’s so strange about all of this is that I don’t feel depressed. I just feel overwhelmed and like I want to avoid the things I have to do. Even though I was sick over the weekend, it isn’t like me to sleep for fourteen hours. Eight or nine, yes. But fourteen, no.

Part of what I am going to force myself to avoid are the conflicts around me that I have no control over. I can’t control what other people do. Some people are simply jack-asses. I keep thinking that one day I will discover a group of people who can get along like I think adults should be able to get along. You know, show grace, compassion, respect, integrity, kindness, equality, and responsibility. Is it too much to ask for adults to be able to exhibit the characteristics we expect from children?

I just need to stop being delusional. People aren’t naturally good. People are fallen, and no amount of my thinking they are good at heart is going to make them so. People are selfish, egotistical, and greedy. They don’t look out for each other. Why can’t I just recognize this and go on? Why do I insist on trying to see the good in people who clearly aren’t good? I want them to be, I think, so I keep hoping they will be. I guess I can still hope. I can always hope, but I need to stop basing my faith in the lies of other people. I need to remember where my true hope lies and focus more on that. All this worldly stuff just makes me bitter, like bad coffee.

I can’t afford to focus on these things, however. I have a dissertation proposal to write, papers to grade, a conference paper to write, and lessons to plan.

I am thankful that my mostly dead cat is not completely dead.

Food: banana, juice, muffin, chocolate milk, apple, bean/rice/veggie pot pie, ginger ale

Exercise: walked the dogs, ran 3.5 miles

(Yesterday: ran 3 miles, walked dogs, walked from Burris to RB)

1 Comment

Posted in Coffee, Dissertation, Food, Grace, Relationships, Running, School, Writing

Productivity and Me.

Posted on 25 January 2010 | 1 comment

We go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong, remembered for ever like shoo bop shoo wadda wadda yipitty boom de boom. If you know me, you know this isn’t true. Productivity and I don’t dance in the amusement park “Trailer of Terror,” ride the Ferris wheel together, or float off into the clouds in the front seat of “Greased Lightening” with our arms around each other. In fact, we are much more like the scene in the diner where Rizzo throws a milkshake in Kenicke’s face. “Finish this! To you from me, PinkyLee!” is the expression I find myself saying over and over to productivity.

Today, however, I tried my best to be productive, and you know what? I actually got stuff done. Of my goal list, which is always ridiculously long, I only have left to read three chapters in my lovely children’s literature textbook before teaching tomorrow night. And, I have to reread “A Wagner Matinee” by Willa Cather. It’s a quick read, though. A beautiful, quick read.

I got a lot accomplished today and now on to tomorrow to work on my dissertation proposal. I should have a revision finished for Debbie by next Monday, so we can meet on Thursday. I sort of had a nervous breakdown yesterday over the whole revision thing. I felt like I was completely rewriting the thing, and I wasn’t sure how that was supposed to go or if it was even what I was supposed to be doing. I tried just moving things around in the document I have already completed, but it wasn’t working. I ended up sitting there staring at the screen for about five hours, occasionally breaking to play Snood or check Facebook. Most unproductive.

I typically don’t revise academic papers, so I am not used to moving logical arguments around. Moving pieces of my life around to tell a story? Yes, I can do that. Moving around academic arguments to make them more sound? Nope, not so comfortable. I think I can do it now, or at least I know how to attempt it. I was thinking I was making it too much work, but alas, I was not. I must be one of those lucky people who simply has to retype things in order for them to make sense in a different order. Oh, to be gifted at revision and editing!

I just made some vegan strawberry, oatmeal, brown sugar crusted muffins. I haven’t tried one yet, but I plan to eat one tomorrow after I run. They look and smell delicious. Aren’t you jealous?

I am thankful for people of all types.

Food: banana, juice, pure bar, chocolate milk, pizza, pasta

Exercise: walked dogs about 3 miles

1 Comment

Posted in Dissertation, Food, Literature, Reading, Running, School, Teaching, Vegetarian or Vegan, Writing

Sherlock. Writing. Coffee Shops. Emerson.

Posted on 20 January 2010 | 6 comments

I started reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and so far, I am intrigued. I posted the quote, “Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts,” as my Facebook status, and I had more than one response that said it reminded them of some evangelicals. This, in turn, made me think about how I present my ideas about theological concepts, or my ideas about anything for that matter. Do I present them as if I have twisted the facts to suit my preconceived ideas, or do I try to let the facts guide me into a new and different understanding? I would hope that I practice the latter, but I am not sure that I always do. I think too many times, as humans, we do not recognize the fact that we actually twist facts and ideas to fit what we already believe. And, I think it is good to know this about ourselves, so we are better able to handle the way we process ideas and engage with other people whose ideas differ from ours.

Yesterday when I was at the bookstore picking up my books for teaching, I saw a book called Now Write! Nonfiction, which is a collection of writing tips and exercises designed by some well known creative nonfiction writers and essayists. The first exercise is to write down moments that stop you in your tracks, then to elaborate on those ideas picking out the common threads. The idea is that you will then be able to chose one or all of those moments to elaborate and make some kind of coherent meaning. I am waiting for my first “stopped me in my tracks” moment. Then I will wait for another, then another. Then I will slowly weave them together into an essay.

Okay. One day. I will do that right after I actually finish reading through the Bible in a year, which I have been working on since my seventh grade lock-in, the first event that I attended at the Wesleyan Church. I think Susan Wolfgang challenged us to do that after one of the speakers talked about memorizing Scripture. She also challenged us to memorize a whole chapter of the Bible. I did end up doing that in seminary. Well, actually I memorized three chapters, but I don’t remember them verbatim, although I did retain their themes and subjects. The three chapters I memorized are Matthew 5,6, and 7, the Sermon on the Mount. The most Buddhist passage of Christian Scripture ever written. Or the most socialist, as a friend of mine would argue. I think it is both somehow.Can you be Buddhist and socialist? Wikipedia says yes.

I just read an article in the Ball State Daily news about Vecino’s Coffee Shop. Guy says it a “third-wave coffee shop.” If that is anything like third-wave feminism, then I am not sure it is going to do much. In fact, I am not sure it will do anything at all. At the very least the article was filled with Guy’s usual coffee-related pompousness. Almost straight up obnoxiousness, but with a little decorative foam in the shape of concentric and contiguous hearts. Fancy. Guy claims that he is only one of two third-wave coffee houses in Indiana. From the what he says in the article, the Blue Bottle does most of the same things: roasts their own beans, grinds their own beans, free pours lattes, and serves well-made coffee. I guess their sin is adding flavors. Shame. they should learn how to make some fig-leaves with their foam and cover their nakedness. Dirty.

Finally, today my students read Emerson. They were supposed to read Thoreau, too, but we only got through talking about Emerson. They did a great job with both exerpts from Nature and Self-Reliance. I think I want to get part of my sleeve tattoo of this paragraph from Self-Reliance:

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

Or at least this part of it: “It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.” But, I want it around the outside or underneath this labyrinth:Or maybe this one because Jane and I walked it together in San Francisco:I think that would be a sweet tattoo. Maybe get it done in bright greens and purples. We’ll see. The first one I am doing, provided I have the money, is my new one on my foot. I plan to do it right after we run the Indy-Mini. I figure I can take a week off after the race. I may do it right before I go to Merideth’s wedding. I may wait. Who knows.