I’m again using some of the journal prompts from Rachel Grieg’s website in order to have some focus and organize my thoughts when I need a little nudge. Today’s prompt is “What are you looking forward to?” and I have several answers for that.
In my immediate future, I am looking forward to remaining sober, to knowing what is going on around me all of the time, and to experiencing things in a real way instead of the muted way I have spent experiencing things for most of my adult life. I use a sober tracker app on my phone to keep track of the days, 369, that I have gone without drinking. And, I learned that I saved almost $3000 this past year simply by not purchasing alcohol. Even if the money wouldn’t have been such a huge savings, I feel like I am able to just be so much more present for every moment that I have been for most of my adult life. People always laugh when I tell them that I didn’t drink until I was 21, but it’s true, and I think in many ways, that was God’s gift to me for getting me out of high school. If I had discovered how much I love drinking at a younger age, I may have remained trapped in my hometown with no high school diploma!
In the distant future, I hope to actually live with my wife again. Currently, and for the past five years, we’ve lived about 10 hours apart from each other, I in Indiana and she in Minnesota. We own some property on an island in Wisconsin, and we would really like to build a small house there to retire in. I honestly can’t wait until that comes to fruition, because I’d love for that to already be my life. I want to fall asleep with her, wake up to her, cook with her, eat with her, rest and play and learn with her, listen to the waves lapping at the shore as we lie there talking quietly with each other. I want to be able to do most of my commuting by bicycle, and with a little wagon, I want to be able to ride my bike to get groceries and everything. Basically, I am not getting any younger and neither is she, so I’d like for this goal to keep moving closer, but it feels right now like it’s moving further away.
I am looking forward to this Biblical journey I’m on, because I am excited to put the whole text into one story as it is meant to be thought about. My only concern is that a year is a long time to read a book, and what if it doesn’t feel more like a story to me than it does already? I suppose I can just make it a goal to read the whole Bible from beginning to end every year, until I can put it into my heart and mind the way I’d like for it to be. I’m also looking forward to inviting this text, the beauty and love of it, to change me into the person I want to be. I want to embody these words in a way that I maybe used to but haven’t for a long time.
I notice as I read back through this entry, that it says a lot of what I want. But perhaps it’s more of what I need. I need to be sober, I need to live with my wife. I need to embody Biblical ideals. So, I am looking forward to doing those things.