Category Archives: Meditation

December 1, 2019: First Sunday of Advent

Here are my Goals for 2020. You’ll notice they look surprisingly similar to the ones for 2019, partially because I did not reach all of my goals for 2019, because I’ve finally reached a balance between challenging and attainable, so I think I’ll just roll with that for another year.

    1. Swim, bike, walk, or run every single day. Finish the Indy Mini on May 2, 2020
    2. Read at least one book each month. Write at least a little every Sunday.
    3. Meditate for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening.
    4. Practice silence and work on listening, with intention.
    5. Eat mostly real plant-based food. Consume campassionately.
    6. Create more, conserve more, buy less.

Live joyfully and feed my soul.

Swim, Bike, Walk or Run Every Day

My brother and I signed up to do the Indy Mini this year, and we signed up for the shorter races leading up to it, so we’d know for sure that we can finish the 13.1 miles on Indy Mini Race Day. If you don’t know what the Indy Mini is, it is a half marathon that is part of the Indy 500 Festival, and you can learn more about it here. The commitment to do 13.1 in May, jumpstarted my already running self into a Holiday Run Streak that goes from today, the first Sunday of Advent until January 6, or Epiphany.

That’s 37 days of running at least one mile each day, and I started this morning by running around my friends’ neighborhood, which I have to say is quite a nice little spot to live. What will be fun and challenging about this Run Streak is that my 20-week training plan for the Indy Mini starts on December 16, so there will no doubt be some sore legs and a lot of walking/running intervals, until I get my running legs back under me.

My goals are simply to finish without being scooped up by the sweeper bus, to spend as much time with my brother as I can before I go back to Minnesota in June, and to have the most fun I have ever had running that far!

Reading (and Writing)

So far this year, I have read 6 books—probably more, but I did not write them down in my logs, so I guess in my mind they don’t count—so this is a goal that needs some attention next year. Considering that if I put my mind to it, I can read most books in less than a day, this seems like a really low number for a goal, but with teaching and trying to balance my life, I guess I just do not read as much as I used to. I am absolutely open to suggestions for reading.

I should probably make my goal for this coming year a writing one, since I feel like I miss it so much, but I have not done it for so long, that it feels weird even writing this. I guess practice makes me better, so maybe I should commit to writing here every Sunday. From January 5, 2020 – December 27, 2020.

Meditation: Silence and Listening

This goal, which is really two combined, is one that needs quite a bit of attention. Basically, I just need to do it. I need this goal more than any other one, and yet it is the one that gets neglected the quickest.

Eat Vegan Whole Foods

I am proud to say that this goal is going along perfectly. Since October 4, 2019, I haven’t eaten any meat, and I have been working my way into being completely plant-based by December 31. Since I live with my brother, we’re doing this one together (along with eating a lot less sugar), and we’ve already seen some excellent health benefits from it.

One of my favorite meals is pizza, and I always get sad thinking that I will miss pizza when I am vegan. Luckily I found an excellent vegan pizza crust mix, for when I don’t make my own from scratch, and I am enjoying using fresh vegetables and cheese replacements to make big, delicious homemade pizzas that are way better tasting, and way better for me, than store-bought pizza!

Last night I had one of the most beautiful pizzas I have made: big brown mushrooms, little rings of yellow, red, and orange peppers, bright green spinach, and giant tomato chunks with just a bit of Daiya cheddar shreds. Not only was it beautiful, but without all of the cheese, the delicious flavor of all of the vegetables came through.

Create More, Conserve More, Buy Less

I am really getting into being conservative with my spending, which is saying a lot if you know me and know how I love to spend money, because what is it but green pieces of paper. Anyway, I have kept my spending for gas (we have a 2 hour total commute each day), groceries, and entertainment to less than what I budgeted for three months in a row!

I am trying to purchase things that are necessary (do I really need that item?), that nothing I already have will serve the same function (will the things I already have work to do that job?), that I can’t do on my own (sorry Starbucks, but I brew my coffee in my classroom now), and that really bring me some kind of joy in my life (do I need another mug because it has a funny saying on it?). I’ve also gotten into fixing things, instead of just buying new.

My ultimate goal: Live JOYFULLY and feed my SOUL.

This is my ultimate goal, because I know that if I am not searching for joy and nourishment in my life, I am not happy, nor can I help anyone else seek for joy or nourishment. Now, I will be really honest, because of the way I am wired, seeking joy is really difficult for me. I am much the realist, and never really an optimist, but I know that joy and gratitude are the keys to living a long and memorable life, so I keep trying to regroup and see if I can help others.

My brother helps with this: he always sees the good side of things, and he always gives people the benefit of the doubt. I want to be more like him, and I try, but it is really hard to always assume positive intent, think things will turn out okay, to understand that everything happens for a reason, and to make the best of every situation. I will get there, though.

They say if you keep reframing events in the ways in which you can be grateful for them, that you’ll eventually do it automatically. I do not know who they are, but they have to be right, right?

Goals, Polar Plunge, and Whole30

My goals for 2019:

  1. No social media, except this blog. No smart devices.
  2. Swim, walk, or run every single day, except Sunday. Hopefully run a 50K in October.
  3. Read at least one book each month.
  4. Meditate for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening.
  5. Practice silence and listening, with intention.
  6. Eat mostly real food and fewer carbs, specifically sugar.

I am being moderately successful at most of my goals, though meditation and reading could use a little boost, and I recently returned to Facebook for a hot minute to beg for money for the Polar Plunge. I am enjoying Flippy, the Flip Phone, because I can’t check my email or look things up on the Internet at a moment’s notice, and it’s a real pleasure being free of that encumbrance. I do miss listening to podcasts and having a GPS with me at all times, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

This will be my fifth year doing the Polar Plunge, I believe, and I’ve never had as much of a problem raising money as I am this year. I am sitting right under $500 with three weeks left, and I’d like to raise $1000. I raised close to $1200 last year, so I think I maybe pissed some people off, people don’t have as much money, or not being on social media has been detrimental to my success. Oh, well. I guess $500 is better than nothing. If you want to donate, you can do that by clicking here.

My brother and I are over halfway through our late-start January Whole30, and I can say it feels like a success. Most of my aches are gone, my skin feels less dry, and I feel less bloated and like I’ve lost a bit of weight. I do think I have a bit of a problem with dairy and my joints, because with Whole30 or being vegan, either way, my joints are not as achy and I feel less inflamed.

What I love about being on Whole30 is that I am forced to think outside my go to junk food favorite, pizza, and look toward more interesting food, like the butternut, chicken, apple, hash I made for breakfast yesterday morning, or the eggs in hell that Adam made for breakfast the day before. We haven’t had school for three days because of the weather, so we’ve gotten some really good food and cooking time in this week. More importantly, I’ve gotten to drink amazing Blue Mind Roasting coffee that I made at home with the pour-over method, instead of Starbucks each morning.

Once we complete this Whole30, I am going to remain mostly paleo with Saturdays being a “free day,” where I can eat some of the things I don’t eat the rest of the week. I feel well enough, though, that I’d like to keep inflammatory foods, like dairy and grains, to a minimum. I am not sure where things like beans and corn will fall, but I am not opposed to trying to add them back in occasionally.

Last time I did a Whole30, I tried to keep carbs to a minimum and I got super sore when I tried to do any kind of exercise. This time, I have eaten more potatoes and sweet potatoes, so my body feels a bit better and more energetic. Since I’ve been swimming in the morning and in the afternoon and adding in some extra walking here and there without a considerable amount of soreness, I feel like I can start boosting up my exercise.

This morning I did my first body weight exercise training in a long time, like probably since September. Seriously, I could only do one round of 20 squats, 10 push ups, 20 lunges (10 on each side), 20 dumbbell rows (10 on each side), 15 second plank, and 30 jumping jacks. Pathetic, but it’s a start.

My ultimate goal, as it has been in the past and will be until I drag myself across that finish line, is an Ironman. I’m shooting for Maryland in September of 2020 (607 days, 87 weeks, 19 months), if I can keep myself motivated until then. I figure, I am a cancer, the logo is a crab, so it’s meant to be, right?

Two Weeks: No Social Media

Today marks the two-week mark for being off of social media. I have tried in vain to delete my Facebook Messenger account, so if you are one of those people who is still sending things there, please know that I am not getting them. Since my mobile devices are in MN, I don’t have a way to deactivate my account for that app, because it is specifically not designed to be used on a computer, so it appears like my account is still active. I assure you, it isn’t. They certainly don’t object to you signing up and checking it compulsively on the computer. I have found the same to be true of so many computer accounts: easy to set up, not easy to delete.

Anyway, here are my thoughts after two weeks. I have read a lot of news and books, and I have planned more efficiently and more effectively for teaching, which is my job after all. I feel like I have devoted more time to quiet, focused activities, rather than worrying about what other people are doing, and rather than worrying about why I am not doing those same things. Comparison is the thief of joy, as I have said before, and when I can’t see what Janet or Phillip is doing, I can’t be jealous, envious, or comparative.

I have also noticed that I am more attentive when I watch a movie or a TV program, because I don’t have my phone in my hand the whole time, checking and writing, checking and waiting, or simply scrolling and not really reading. I can focus more fully, and I remember what I watched on the screen or remember what I did online, because I am not splitting my attention between the two. I am fairly decent at multitasking, but none of us is really as good at it as we think we are.

Those were the goals of this experiment, too, so it helps to see them unfold before me.

The one drawback of this experiment, which I am sure will dissipate over time, is that I feel fairly disconnected from some people I care about. I would imagine that before long, I will watch some friendships cease to exist, I will spend more quality time with fewer friends, or friends who don’t typically reach out, may begin to reach out. We’ll see where this goes, but I can say that this week, in particular, has been a little lonely probably because I am back in Indiana without Bec.

Even though it’s difficult sometimes, I am still focusing on making every day the best day.

*

Starting on next Monday, January 14, my brother and I are embarking on a Whole30, so that will be another new chapter in my wellness journey. I did a Whole30 once, before living a “paleo/primal” lifestyle for about six months, and I lost a lot of weight, felt really healthy, and completed an Ironman 70.3, so maybe this will help me get out of my wellness funk. Next week, I also plan to start swimming for 30 minutes each morning and walking for 30 minutes after school every day.

*

My goals for 2019:

  1. No social media, except this blog. No smart devices.
  2. Swim, walk, or run every single day. Hopefully run a 50K in October.
  3. Read at least one book each month.
  4. Meditate for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening.
  5. Practice silence and listening, with intention.
  6. Eat mostly real food and fewer carbs, specifically sugar.

A Christmas Run: Hope, Peace, Joy, Love

This morning I woke up at 5:08 CST and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I decided to just get up, unlike yesterday when I stayed in bed for two hours trying to fall back to sleep. I went to the bathroom and weighed myself. Yep, still a fat and sassy 250 pounds.

I ambled downstairs in my running attire and found my shoes, hat, headlamp, and gloves right by the door where I left them on Sunday. Pudge, the grey cat, helped me as I laced up my shoes and visualized my run, which was going to be a very short one mile in the crisp 17º air. I love it when I walk out the door and can see my breath in the light of my headlamp. That’s the perfect way for me to start my day.

For some reason, I think I ran too close to the edge of the road; I couldn’t get good footing to go very fast, which turned out to be okay, because my lungs weren’t really happy to be doing what I asked them to do, and they immediately (this is a new thing) started spasming. Breathing got difficult really fast, when usually my asthmatic response doesn’t start until I stop running. “Well, this is a fun little adventure,” I thought to myself, so I slowed way down and took almost 17 minutes to finish that one mile.

It was a beautiful mile, so I am fine with the slowness of it, but I’d like to just be able to go out and knock out 6 or 7 miles with no problem, like I could a few years ago before I stopped running regularly, and before I let depression and Facebook control my life. This is why my one resolution is to get my life back. I want to be able to just go run. Run a trail, run the streets, or set the treadmill (gross) to a speed faster than most people walk.

On January 12, I will run my favorite race, and this year I was hoping to run the 13.1 distance instead of the 6.55, but it looks like my goal is shifting to simply completing the 6.55 in less time than it took me last year. I am still too slow to be allowed to enter the second lap of the 13.1 distance, but I will be there next year (so she has said for five years or so?). Running for me is about setting goals, and maybe achieving them, and not being too hard on myself if I don’t, because running is about joy for me.

But, let me return to the title of my post, a Christmas run.

My favorite days to run are on holidays. The town is quiet, no one is awake, and everything is darker for longer than usual. I love to run along and watch the town come alive in the morning. Since I prefer out and back routes, on the way out, every house is dark, but on the way back (on a longer than one mile route), I get to see people waking up and maybe one light is on in the house, or maybe a guy wearing a robe comes out to get the paper, or maybe I can see in the kitchen window (if it faces the road) where a woman is getting the coffee pot going.

But on holidays, especially Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day, I can run much later and everything is so still for so long, it’s almost as if I am the only person here, like that bad Twilight Zone episode “Where Is Everybody?”. During those quiet moments, I get to meditate, sending positive energy out into every house, and I get to pray silently for each person in each house, and I can feel the goodness and beauty of everyone, even if I don’t know them.

Running on Christmas is something I’ve done for probably close to 10 years, and it’s something I want to continue to do. I desire to bring hope, peace, joy, and love to each house, even silently, as I run past. And I want to experience those things for myself and be able to give myself grace as I reflect on last year and forecast into next year.

Yesterday was beautiful. Today was beautiful. Tomorrow will be beautiful.

Spirituality

I’d be lying if I said spirituality is easy for me, but I’d also be lying if I said it didn’t matter or was difficult. My spirituality is by far the most important and integral part of my life, but it’s also one of the most complicated facets.

On my way back to coffee shop I visited yesterday, on my way back to actually complete my lesson plans for next week, I went past Taylor University, a small very conservative Christian college in Upland, Indiana. I am not a fan of their theology or their ridiculous set of strict rules, but I do feel like many of my favorite people in this world have gone there and gotten out relatively unscathed. Some of them seem to have even learned a thing or along the way. Taylor is also a somewhat rivalry of my theological alma mater, Anderson University, an equally conservative and rule-ridiculous college about 45 minutes away.

Anyway, I bring up Taylor University because my spirituality these days is heavily influenced by Jesus and Buddha, but not by any official church or religion. I pray, I meditate, I try to be kind and compassionate. Some days are more successful than others, but I haven’t been to an actual church service, except for watching my grandchildren be baptized, for about two years, I’d say. This is not because I don’t find it valuable—the Episcopal Church has my organized religion heart—but I just find that I can practice my spiritual pretty much anywhere. If I am not careful, I am moved to spiritual tears by pretty much anything.

Back to this morning—all these asides make my head spin, but that’s just how my brain works—when I drove past Taylor Lake on my way to some of the most beautiful scenery in East Central Indiana, a road that, when I was in high school, people called Devil’s Backbone, ironic because of TU being right there, I had a feeling in my gut that was so familiar.

If you know my story, you know I was baptized at a very young age, maybe 6, after accepting Jesus into my heart in an old, brown recliner chair where I prayed the Sinner’s Prayer with my mom one night before bed time. If you know my story even better, you know that I by no means believe that is how a conversion experience works, or that we maybe don’t even need conversion, because we are all good and pure and beautiful on the inside anyway, but that is how it happened for me at 4, 5, or 6.

As I drove past TU this morning with a beautiful pink sunrise and the fall leaves reflecting on the smooth water of the lake, I was transported back to 40 years ago when I wore a little white sundress and waded into a cold, slightly mucky, and very weedy, Taylor Lake to make a public profession of the faith that was shaping me. I waded in to the water, said I confessed my sins, promised to live a good life, and then I was under the water, looking up through a blur into the sunlight above the water.

As I drove past that lake this morning, my heart moved, my spirit stirred, I began to cry, and I wondered when everything in this world got so unbeautiful and so difficult and so mean. I wished I could go back and see the world through the water into the sun, weeds wrapped around my little ankles, safe in a feeling that everything would be alright.