Category Archives: Writing

Ice: My Kryptonite

I got up this morning ready to go. I had put my shoes, sweatpants, watch, headband, and new Smartwool running socks (I recommend these heartily by the way) next to the bed. My plan was to get up, get dressed, walk the dogs, take my first “long run” of three miles. I call it a long run because that is what the plan calls it. Three miles in my mind is not a long run.

I got up, got dressed, and came down stairs only to find a layer of ice covering the entire world. If you know me, you know I cannot walk on ice so there is no way I could run on it. For those of you who say that running on ice is easier than walking, I am in agreement. I have tried that, and while it is easier, it is still not beneficial nor elegant. I slide just as easily moving faster.

I am hoping that it will warm up enough for some of the ice to melt, so that I can go out this afternoon. I thought about going to Ball Gym to use the track, and I thought about using an eliptical or treadmill at Irving, but there is something incredibly unsatisfactory about the jogging experience when it is done indoors. I feel like a hamster.

Until then, here I sit: typing instead of jogging. I have spent the last half-hour surfing the Net, checking up on old friends, and Stumbling through a couple of websites.

Last night, I spent almost half and hour looking for some new running shoes. I want a website that is a collective of fat runners doing shoe reviews. I usually prefer Asics because they seem to have better support and a stronger, longer-lasting upper. Last spring, when I first started jogging again, I went to Indianapolis to a specialty running store to have my gait analyzed and to find “the perfect shoe” for my foot.

I hate the shoes I bought. Over a hundred dollars for a pair of Brooks GTS 8s. They do support well for the slight pronation I have, but the sole and the padding that prohibit the turning of my ankles makes the ball of my foot slide to the outside of the toe box.

They only have about six months or about 360 miles of walking/jogging and they are already shredded. They are in worse shape than the pair of Asics TN 724s I bought them to replace. And, I reiterate that they are NOT comfortable.

For the first month or so, they were heavenly. The workers at the Indy Running Company were right about that part, but they are not made for a heavy runner. My friend Sarah wears them. They are her favorite shoes. She probably weighs a hundred pounds wet—half my weight! She can have them. I will take my Asics.

fat-girl-running-fh-outlineAll this brings me around to my point: can someone start a Clydesdale or Athena website that is helpful to those of us who are a little larger but still like the feel of a good jog? There are plenty of blogs, personal webpages, and the like, but you would think some company like Asics or New Balance or Saucony would create a webpage for their fat clientel. Every fat runner I know wears one of the three above types of shoes. I’m just saying they could make a fortune!

A New Year: Starting Now

Most people I have talked to chose to start their New Year’s resolutions today.

Better diet? Begin on Monday. Although, I have heard statistically that Tuesday and Wednesday are the best days to start  new lifestyle trends. We seem to stick to them more if we don’t start them when we start our week. Maybe our minds trick our bodies into submission. Maybe our bodies think that we are serious if we start in the middle of the week.

More exercise? Start today. The training plans for the Indy-Mini even begin today. With a day of rest. What type of training plan begins with a day of rest? I suppose since that is my resolution, I should do what it says. I don’t mind a day of rest. I am taking today as a day of rest to get the plan and my classes entered into my calendar for the semester. I am moving the plan around so that Sunday is my long-run day. I just come home from church and take a nap anyway. Why shouldn’t I use that time to run instead?

Read the bible? Apparently, reading the bible is a pretty popular New Year’s resolution, too. I have at least three bibles that have “Read Through the Bible in a Year” plans in them, and they all begin on January first with Genesis 1:1: “When God began to create heaven and earth…” And, they all end on December 31 with Revalation 22:21: “The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.” I suppose people think what a better way to spend a year than reading the bible from cover to cover.

Some resolutions are so common that you can find lists of the top ten that Americans make each year. Amazon even has their own list, complete with items to purchase to help people achieve those goals. Amazingly, their list includes items for sale under the category: Get your finances in order. The humor in this, I think, is self-explanatory.  The lists seem to jive with the resolutions I hear my friends making. I still wonder why we find it necessary to make the same resolutions year after year. I do it, too. I am not finger pointing.

Today, I am looking at spending the day reading essays and rating them based on their creativity, whatever that means. I am going to have coffee with a friend. I am going to enter my life for the semester into an electronic application called iCal. And, I am going to rest because that is what the plan says to do. I am resting.

A Little More Professional

I moved my writing over here to word press because I needed a little more professional venue. Blogger is okay, but I think wordpress has some advantages that I couldn’t get on blogger, or at least I couldn’t figure out how to use them. I also think Word Press looks a little cleaner, a bit more visually pleasing. I made it through the semester, and to reward myself I am reconfiguring my writing life.

Drag Shows, Winter Break, Hard Times

My papers have all been written, and all I have left to do is grade things for my students. My grades are due Monday morning by 10:00, but I hope to have them finished by Friday at 5 so I can help Drew with last minute details for the Drag Show on Monday. My goal is to be as helpful as possible without getting in the way. I have never been behind the scenes at a show, so I think it will be pretty cool. Becs and I are going to go out for dinner with some of my old friends before the show, and then I am going to go out to celebrate the end of the semester afterwards! This semester has been a real challenge, but I am happy to say that with the exception of the past three weeks, I have enjoyed it. I think I even learned something!

One of my goals over break is to read. Incessantly. I already have my sights on some Anton Chekov and a few liberation theology texts. I also need to start collecting Toni Morrison texts and some of the other books I will need for next semester. I figure I can get them for less over break when the undergrads, who were required to buy them, sell them back to get money for the holidays. Maybe I can profit from someone’s lack of interest in good literature. I know my list for my independent study will be pretty expensive by itself. I still owe my little brother some cash, too.

Another goal is to write. Every day. I would love to have enough material generated by the time I graduate to begin revising and editing in order to publish a memoir. I don’t know whether it will happen, or if my stories are interesting for anyone to purchase if it does happen, but I can try. I want my break to be a celebration of reading and writing and out of school goodness. I hope to do some experimental poetry stuff, too.

The third goal: running. Ever since I got sick with what I believe was mono—and since the doctor at the health center let me diagnose myself, I guess I am right—I haven’t been able to run. I have lacked the energy to do much of anything. Over break, I can nap if I need to, so I plan to start on Monday morning with a little jog and take it from there. I am hoping to run the Indy-Mini in May. If I don’t run it, I will walk again!

Finally, I have all sorts of household chores I need to accomplish, like cleaning out the fish tank, writing to my sponsored children, and playing with dogs. I am sure Bec would love it, too, if I folded my laundry and cleaned up my library. Things get a little chaotic near the end of the semester. I forget what I am doing. I lose my head a little bit.

Times are hard. I just finished my last paper; it was about gleaning or foraging. Basically, what I learned is that we throw away a shit ton of products that can be still be safely used or consumed; commodities with little or no defect find their way to dumpsters to be piled in landfills. I was going to buy myself a new jacket with my Christmas and I still might, but I think before that I want to buy a little wagon to load full of scavenged items from the dumpsters I can walk to. I am thinking that I live within walking distance of Dollar Stores, a Hostess outlet, the Mall, and KMart. Maybe I could even scavenge a new coat from Rural King? Maybe they throw them away for minor blemishes. I also live near Panera, and I hear they throw out their day-old bread. I wonder if Concannon’s throws out their day-old donuts. We’ll see if I have the fortitude to try it.

When I was in high school, Jaymes and I used to dive for potato chips at Seyfert’s distribution center. Usually the bags were still sealed and they were marked out on the date we went, so the chips were still fresh. The books I read suggested that things like yogurt and cheese were good months after their dates indicated otherwise. I am not willing to try it out. I have a weird palate when it comes to dairy: only the most pristine will suffice. It’s the mold factor and the soured factor. I just can’t do it. If I had to, I could. But, I don’t have to—yet.

Every time I turn on the television, look at Internet news services, or pick up a newspaper the economic news is worse than it was the time before. I wonder how low our country will go before it rights itself again. I wonder when I will have to start standing in line for bread or for the Second Harvest Food Bank truck. I wonder how we will pull through. I know the sentiment is that our country has come through worse, but I am not sure if we even know the worst of this yet. I am not trying to be pessimistic, but I want to go into the next few economic years with my eyes wide open. After all, I will be on the job market and Ball State has even put a freeze on hiring. I am trying not to get too scared or worried or concerned, but it doesn’t look good for a person in higher education right now.

I guess this is where faith comes in. Not my strong suit.

*edit* I am going to try to ween myself away from the computer over break. I recognize that I have become addicted, or at least obsessive-compulsive, about Facebook, email, and this blog. I plan to write in my blog every day, but I will not be checking my email regularly. I am going to try to limit it to Wednesdays and Saturdays. If you need to get in contact with me in a timely manner, please call me. If you don’t have my cell phone number, then you’ll just have to wait until I check my email. Similarly, next semester I will have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I will nto be checking my email except for on those days and Saturday.

Gone Windigo

This is the beast that has consumed me:

This is also the beast after whom my Girl Scout camp, which I never attended, was named. You wonder why? Have you ever seen a girl-fight?

I finally finished the paper for my Native American literature class. I am afraid that I made assumptions I shouldn’t have made about a culture I barely understand, that I let the critics speak too much, that I didn’t make my own voice heard as well as I should have, that I tried to tackle too much in the paper and I barely got to scratch the surface, that I didn’t synthesize the information as well as I would have liked, and that I realize I could have written a whole paper on Fleur, a whole paper on Nanapush, and a whole paper on Pauline under the overarching narrative of the consumption of Ojibwe culture by the windigo of white culture. My problem, I have finally recognized is that my brain doesn’t deal well with compartmentalization. I can’t focus intently on more than one idea at a time, not within a paper, but within life. What I mean is that I need to only think really hard about one class at a time in order to write a paper. Right now I am split between Native American Lit., Fat Studies, CNF, and cross-genre themes. I have a hard time keeping my Foucauldian analysis of clothing stores separate from my windigo analysis of Tracks separate from my memories of Jaymes separate from my interest in gleaners and freegans. I think when I am writing my dissertation, I will be fine because I will only be teaching and writing and balancing life. I won’t be teaching and writing and taking classes and balancing life. I do suppose, however, that I will have a whole new set of stresses, like trying to find a job. I also won’t have to write about things I don’t care about, which will be nice. Not that I don’t care about what I wrote about this semester; in fact, I care quite a bit about the stuff for this semester. Maybe that it is why it was so challenging to write about. I have only thirty pages of new writing to achieve and 12-20 pages to revise. Sadly, I also have 100 (well, technically 98) student papers to grade and 49 portfolios. I will finish them all by December 19! I will do it if it kills me, which it might.

In more exciting news: my parents 40th anniversary party went off well. They were mostly surprised, although one of my father’s coworkers let the cat out of the bag about half an hour before the party. There were some people there that I hadn’t seen in quite some time, and some others that I had never even met before. The soups were a hit, and the sandwiches were too, once we found the mustard in the church fridge.