Muddling Along on a Day That Was Supposed to Be Perfect

Posted on 30 December 2010 | 3 comments

Have you ever had one of those days? I have. Yesterday was a day that started off beautifully. I got up and walked the dogs a mile, playing in the snow along the way. The weather was just right, about 20º with no wind and no precipitation. When we got home we played inside for a bit, and then I went out for a run. The run was nice. I felt good. I ran the same route I ran a couple of days ago, only I ran it in reverse and about five minutes faster. When I got home, I made some delicious oatmeal and had a nice breakfast with some juice and my vitamins. I had everything in my backpack. I was ready to walk to Starbucks to grade. And then.

Someone sent me a text that ruined the day. You know how you have these things about yourself that you just embrace instead of trying to change? Those things that make you who you are? I have a few of those things about me that I fully embrace, but it seems like some people I know view these character traits as flaws. Sometimes, I can just say, “Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke,” but other times the things people say really get to me. They make me look at those parts of myself I work so hard to embrace and question them. When I question them, suddenly I find myself comparing myself to everyone around me and coming up short. Then, of course, I just get sad, and I keep telling myself I can’t measure up and that I’ll never amount to anything. What bothers me is that I cover these feelings up really well, so even when I tell people to knock it off, they don’t stop. Like yesterday, when I told this person that the comments were getting old, the response was that they weren’t getting old for him/her. Seriously. I am asking you to stop, and you still don’t.

Sometimes I can’t handle it. I just want to leave and never look back.I spent the better portion of yesterday, the day that was supposed to be beautiful, doubting myself and beating myself up for being such a worthless slug. Then I realized. That person can just be an asshole, in fact, is an asshole. And that has no reflection on me. I can embrace those parts of myself that are a little out of step with the rest of American culture. I can embrace my inner-other-cultureness. I enjoy living my life the way I do. I think my easy-goingness is both a source of admiration and a source of frustration for my friends and family. But, frankly, I want to get back to the way I was before. I want to not care what other people think, and I want to just let things roll off my back. I suppose that’s my New Year’s resolution, along with others that I will list on the first. I am going to consciously work to do what I want, to let things roll off of me and not to impact me, and to not always have to know, to not always have to behave like a good little ladder climber. I like the bottom rungs. I should just revel in being close to the ground. And, then, when I do stumble, and I do fall, I won’t have far to go.

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Posted in Relationships

Vacation Breakfast

Posted on 28 December 2010 | Leave a comment

As I said in one of my last posts, I love vacation for the breakfast. This morning I made a nice tofu scramble, which may not be a big deal to those of you who eat eggs. But to those of us who don’t eat eggs, a nice tofu scramble is a good reminder of what breakfast can be! Oatmeal, yogurt, cereal, and fruit can get a bit repetitive for breakfast if you eat them day after day. Even waffles and pancakes can become monotonous. However, if you can mix it up with a little tofu scramble, yum! If I would have thought of it and made some vegan breakfast sausages, too, it would be the perfect breakfast to convince your favorite meat-eater that going vegetarian isn’t so bad.

This particular tofu scramble contains tofu, crimini muchrooms, spinach, onions, garlic, nutritional yeast, Italian seasonings, cayenne, black pepper, and crushed red-pepper flakes. It could have been a bit more “done,” but it was still tasty. I like my tofu a little crunchy, rather than a little soft, and this was a little soft. Still, it was good.

 

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Posted in Food, Vegetarian or Vegan

Egg Nog Waffles. Hookah Initiation. Joseph.

Posted on 22 December 2010 | Leave a comment

Let’s begin with Joseph. For some reason, whenever I hear of a meditation on Joseph of the Christmas story variety, I get a little pissed. In my mind, I wonder what else could possibly be said about a man who had so little to do withe actual Christmas story. As Sojourner Truth points outs about Jesus, “Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him” (Ain’t I a Woman). For as little as Joseph appears to play a role in Christmas, the gospel of Matthew does spend the better portion of the first chapter giving Joseph’s lineage. I assume that means that even though Jesus isn’t technically Joseph’s son, Joseph is still important in the life of Jesus and in the eschatological timeline of the Christian church.

Despite my reluctance to recognize Joseph as someone worthy of lengthy discussions at Christmastime, and despite my desire to scream, “Can’t just one Christian holiday be about how God used a WOMAN?!?”, I have to admit that God sometimes goes to extreme measures to get me off my high horse. This time, though, a simple article did the trick. And, what’s even better is I found this short meditation by accident, via Twitter. Frank Viola writes in Remember Joseph: Rethinking Righteousness, “Today, I’d like to give Joseph his due. By my lights, Joseph was one of the most righteous men who ever lived.” That’s a pretty powerful statement. More righteous than Noah? More righteous than Job? More righteous than (fill in any person who is described in Jewish Scripture as blameless or righteous)? Really.

Viola continues by explaining Joseph’s righteousness like this, “I’m sure Joseph’s blood boiled when he heard that the woman who was betrothed to him in marriage was pregnant . . . and not by him. But because he was a righteous man, he showed mercy. He treated her as if he were in her own shoes and was guilty of what he had assumed she did.” Um, yeah. How many of us would’ve done what Joseph did? How many of us would stand beside someone who was in Mary’s shoes? Think about it really hard. Would you? Would I? Could we do it without patting ourselves on our backs or privately commenting that we are just doing it because that’s what a good Christian would do? Can we live as Viola describes Joseph? He writes “It is to react like Jesus, living void of self-righteousness.” This is the part of this meditation I loved. Viola reminds us to be vigilant in our dealings with others, because our own character is really what God is testing and proving. This holiday season can I behave this way? Can I live void of self-righteousness?

*

I initiated my hookah today. I used molasses tobacco, and spent about half an hour listening to Christmas music, contemplating life, and smoking shisha. I love being Greek, and I need to go to Greece sometime in order to experience where I come from. THe only drawback to going there is that I’m afraid I won’t want to come back!

*

I took the dogs for about a two-mile walk this morning, and when I got home I realized the reason I love breaks and summer is the ability to live slowly. I got up at 7:30 AM. walked the dogs around 8 AM, and made breakfast around 9 AM. This is the way my life is supposed to go. Slow, easy mornings. Now it’s noon and I have already exercised, made food from scratch, done laundry, relaxed, socialized via Twitter and Facebook, and written more than I have on any day since school started. Come to me summer, and don’t fail me Winter Break! On break, it’s all about the victuals.

Delicious vegan Egg Nog Waffles (substitute ground flax seed and water for the eggs) I made for breakfast! Yummy.

And the delicious dish I am calling Penne and Faux Sho Cheese that I made for lunch.

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Posted in Christmas, Feminism, Food, Relationships, Religion, School, Teaching, Vegetarian or Vegan, Writing

Corby’s Marathon: Or How I Will Run to Ivanhoe’s on June 18

Posted on 20 December 2010 | 4 comments

Since I won’t be running Grandma’s Marathon this year, I have decided to run to Ivanhoe’s instead. I will get up and set out at 5AM, so it doesn’t get too hot while I run. I think in June if I can finish by 11AM (which means in six hours), the weather won’t be too hot. I plan to have Bec bring clothes and meet me at Ivanhoe’s for lunch. I will end the run with a huge Strawberry Lemonade and vegetarian pasta salad with French dressing. It’ll be very.

Here is the beginning route from my house to my parents’ house:

Here is the second route from my parents’ house to Ivanhoe’s:

I planned it so my friend Molly could bring me water in Eaton, and so I can stop by my parents’ house for water in Hartford City. I am going to ask my brother to ride his bike or run or walk along with me for the last 7 miles. I needed a goal. I plan to run the real marathon in October, as I noted before.

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Posted in Running, Summer

I’m already thinking about summer. Sigh.

Posted on 20 December 2010 | Leave a comment

I am trying to plan how my summer is going to go. I think I have decided it will go a little like this:

  1. Get up early, like 5:30 AM early. It’s too hot to run much later, and it’ll be light shortly after 5 AM.
  2. Run 3-5 miles, depending on the day, to get ready for the Towpath Marathon in Peninsula, OH.
  3. Walk the dogs on their summer route.
  4. Eat breakfast and brew some coffee.
  5. Spend from 9 AM until 1030 AM reading good literature, and from 1030 AM to 12 PM on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday writing for pleasure, creative nonfiction and poetry. I might even try to eek out a couple of pieces of fiction while I’m at it. On Thursday and Friday, I will work on house projects, like painting, refinishing the floors, and painting the house.
  6. Eat a good lunch from 12 PM to 1PM.
  7. On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday from 1 PM to 5 PM, I will work on my dissertation. On Thursday and Friday, I will make appointments and spend time with friends and family.
  8. At 5PM walk the dogs.
  9. Saturday will be for long runs (of six or more miles), and Sunday for long bike rides, church, and grocery shopping with that lady I live with.

My goal is to limit the amount of time I spend figuring out what I am supposed to be doing and to spend more time actually doing it. I also want to increase the amount of time I spend considering literature and writing about it. I have found that when I have my student read more before they write, they tend to write better and more effectively Their writing is smarter and more eloquent when they’ve been reading writing that’s difficult for them.

Another goal I have is to eat healthy, whole food, which is the same goal I keep setting for myself. I find myself gravitating toward the unhealthy. In fact, yesterday, I wanted to eat some fish, and instead of ordering the salmon salad I love so much, I got fish and chips. Unhealthy choice #7, 365, 289. I am sure that even baklava is more healthy for me. At least I can name all the ingredients in it. I couldn’t begin to tell you what might have been in my fish and chips. And, I could feel it later.

On that same note, I think I am going to incorporate meat back into my diet (very rarely) because I have been feeling a little protein deprived. I simply can’t get enough protein while also trying to to lose weight, and I need to lose weight to run the marathon. It’s a never-ending cycle. I am too fat. It’s hard to run. I lose weight. It gets easier. I gain weight. I get fat. I need to break the cycle! I feel like Susan Powter. Wasn’t that her catch phrase? Maybe not. At any rate, I simply HAVE to figure out a way to lose weight.

EDIT: I can’t eat meat. I ate fish yesterday, and I just feel guilty today. I just need to figure out how to get more protein and fewer calories. I am sure sticking to eating whole foods would help!

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Posted in Biking, Fat, Goals, Running, School, Summer, Writing