Category Archives: Walking

In January… like it’s a magical month.

Posted on 23 October 2025 | Leave a comment

Once again, I need a change in my life. I need consistency. I need peace and grace and hope and love. And I plan to get it. In January.

With the death of my dad in September, in addition to the death of my mom in December 2021, in addition to having to move back to Indiana in August of 2018, in addition to downgrading from a teaching job to $8 an hour barista job when I moved to MN, I have been stuck in a dark cave of depression that has been compounded by trying to heal some childhood wounds and trying to function without external stimulation to compensate for the holes in my heart. Basically, I am trying to get myself to a place where I can live with joy and without being so sad all the time.

In January, I have already committed to returning to veganism, which brings me joy. I am excited about it, and I have started by not eating meat since the day Jane Goodall died. I know that’s a weird marker, but when my mom died, bell hooks died, and when my dad died, Jane Goodall died. So I tried to add more radical love to my life in the first instance, and now I am adding back in veganism in the second instance. If you haven’t already, you should read All About Love by bell hooks and The Book of Hope by Jane Goodall. Both texts have revolutionized my life and how I feel about this difficult life and world, and maybe they will give you food for thought as well. I am encouraged by Goodall’s commitment to veganism and animal rights, and I hope to remain a lifelong vegan this time. I’ve been toying with it since 1992, so it’s probably time to commit.

In January, I also plan to ditch social media for the year, which I hope brings me some joy. A few years ago I switched to a flip phone and loved it, until I had to go on a trip and needed the maps app for directions, so I am just going to employ a strategy in which I remove everything but the essential apps from my phone and then have a friend lock it down with a passcode I don’t know. My brain needs a break from all of the doom and gloom in this world, but I also need to know what’s going on, so I will still follow the news, but at my leisure. I also plan to reinvigorate video game playing, taking photographs, writing here, and reading in place of the social media. I spend a extensive amount of time scrolling through bull shit, like animals dancing and people arguing, on my phone when I could be growing my brain in other ways.

In January, I also plan to start running a mile a day, which my brother and I did quite successfully a few years ago, and which I think helps me focus on getting outside even when I don’t want to. My goal is to reach 20,000 steps a day between running and walking. For me 20,000 steps is about 7.5 to 8 miles. Currently, I average about 10,000 steps, but I am not making any kind of conscious effort to get there, so I think with some effort, I can make it to 20,000. I love being outside, and I do love moving my body, but since the depression got worse and I’ve relegated myself to my couch, probably making the depression even worse, I am stuck in that mode, rather than being my typical outdoorsy self.

In January, I want to start some new traditions, too, like regular silent retreats, weekly “community” meals, meaningful meditation, and going to church more regularly. I don’t know. I just need a change. Again.

Maybe now I can break free?

Cracker Barrel; Red One; Goals

Posted on 29 November 2024 | Leave a comment

Yesterday for Thanksgiving dinner, my Dad, my brother, and I went to Cracker Barrel and then went to the movie theater to watch Red One. My mom was the one who was the most invested in our holiday feasting, so when she passed a few years ago, our holiday meals changed substantially, and I continued going to Minnesota for Thanksgiving for the most part, so I could spend Christmas here in Indiana with Dad and Adam. The first Christmas after she died, Dad wanted Chinese buffet, so we went to Yummy Grill and Buffet and ate crab rangoon and bad lo mein until we were too full of cream cheese, fake crab, and noodles to worry about the fact that Mom had died twelve days before. We added in a movie because what else do you do when the person who carries the joy is gone.

Red One was really a great holiday flick. I won’t spoil the details of the movie for you, but my mom would have loved its Christmas cheesiness, and a couple of times I got really choked up thinking about how she would have been cheering and yelling at the screen like several of our fellow movie goers. Mom was one of those people who clapped at the end of movies, like the actors on screen could hear her. She also loudly gave instructions to the characters about how they could thwart danger or how they could save the day. I like to think she loves the fact that we all go together to movies more now, since I have learned to tolerate the loudness and flashingness of them. I wish I’d have accomplished that while she was still alive, because I am sure she would’ve loved another movie going partner. I take her with me now, though, so I guess we grow in weird ways in weird timing.

I love Cracker Barrel. I know that isn’t a popular opinion, but their chicken and dumplings, when they are on point, are one of things my little carbohydrate-loving heart craves the most. The dumplings are sticky and thick, the broth is rich and with a little pepper is perfect, and the chicken is tender and moist. The sides are a bit underwhelming, but when I can get mashed sweet potatoes and fried okra without having to figure out what to do with the leftovers, I will take them a little less good than I can make at home. Yesterday, for their special menu, and probably until Christmas, they have Sugar Plum Sweet Tea, which is maybe one of the best drinks I’ve had at casual dining, though it was even a bit sweet for me.

I was amazed by how many people were both at Cracker Barrel and the movie theater, but I also loved that so many people were with their families. There were so many big tables seated at CB that I had to smile and think about all of the love in that place. People were smiling, talking with each other, laughing, and generally enjoying each other’s company in a way that I don’t see as much I would like. At the theater, people were being polite, sharing popcorn, chatting with their family and friends. Some days I get a glimpse into what I love about this world. And I needed that yesterday. I need it every day. But I especially needed it yesterday.

For Christmas, we’re going to try our hand at making an indigenous feast with foods found native in Indiana. We’re starting with deer steaks that Dad was gifted by a neighbor and building from there. Suggestions are always welcome, but the ingredients must be decolonized and indigenous to the Midwest, preferably to Indiana.

I know my last post was a bit dark. I am trying really hard to figure out how to stay out of that space in my brain, but I have been feeling really overwhelmed since August. “Brian,” my brain when he misbehaves, has been working on overtime mayhem lately, but I have finally caught up on all of my school work, so I think it may be better now. As an ennagram 4w5 (might as well just call myself a 4/5), sometimes I see bits of joy or hope, but I am a little afraid to get too excited about them, or to seize them, because, well, surely sadness will just follow, right? I am working on that too. I want to be hopeful and joyful in a new way in my life. Since the new year starts, in my way of thinking and according to the church calendar, on this coming Sunday with the First Sunday of Advent, I figured why not just put my goals or aspirations or hopes for 2025 out here today; some of them are carry over from 2024, because I didn’t do so well accomplishing them.

Love more. Give and receive more hugs. Tell people, “I love you.”
Be more honest and vulnerable, and trust people to love me. Set better boundaries, tell people when they hurt me, hear them when they tell me I hurt them. Listen to people and believe what they tell me.
Move more. Swim. Bike. Walk. Run. Hike. Dance. Wobble. Play with Luna.
Read and write more. Read the Bible, books, newspapers, magazines. Write about things: gratitude, anger, grief, frustration, hopes, dreams, joy, memories, visions. Start a rage and hope journal.
Practice moderation in consumption. Eat in moderation. Buy in moderation. Use technology in moderation.
Be sober and be present.

December 1, 2019: First Sunday of Advent

Posted on 1 December 2019 | 2 comments

Here are my Goals for 2020. You’ll notice they look surprisingly similar to the ones for 2019, partially because I did not reach all of my goals for 2019, because I’ve finally reached a balance between challenging and attainable, so I think I’ll just roll with that for another year.

1. Swim, bike, walk, or run every single day. Finish the Indy Mini on May 2, 2020
2. Read at least one book each month. Write at least a little every Sunday.
3. Meditate for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening.
4. Practice silence and work on listening, with intention.
5. Eat mostly real plant-based food. Consume campassionately.
6. Create more, conserve more, buy less.

Live joyfully and feed my soul.

Swim, Bike, Walk or Run Every Day

My brother and I signed up to do the Indy Mini this year, and we signed up for the shorter races leading up to it, so we’d know for sure that we can finish the 13.1 miles on Indy Mini Race Day. If you don’t know what the Indy Mini is, it is a half marathon that is part of the Indy 500 Festival, and you can learn more about it here. The commitment to do 13.1 in May, jumpstarted my already running self into a Holiday Run Streak that goes from today, the first Sunday of Advent until January 6, or Epiphany.

That’s 37 days of running at least one mile each day, and I started this morning by running around my friends’ neighborhood, which I have to say is quite a nice little spot to live. What will be fun and challenging about this Run Streak is that my 20-week training plan for the Indy Mini starts on December 16, so there will no doubt be some sore legs and a lot of walking/running intervals, until I get my running legs back under me.

My goals are simply to finish without being scooped up by the sweeper bus, to spend as much time with my brother as I can before I go back to Minnesota in June, and to have the most fun I have ever had running that far!

Reading (and Writing)

So far this year, I have read 6 books—probably more, but I did not write them down in my logs, so I guess in my mind they don’t count—so this is a goal that needs some attention next year. Considering that if I put my mind to it, I can read most books in less than a day, this seems like a really low number for a goal, but with teaching and trying to balance my life, I guess I just do not read as much as I used to. I am absolutely open to suggestions for reading.

I should probably make my goal for this coming year a writing one, since I feel like I miss it so much, but I have not done it for so long, that it feels weird even writing this. I guess practice makes me better, so maybe I should commit to writing here every Sunday. From January 5, 2020 – December 27, 2020.

Meditation: Silence and Listening

This goal, which is really two combined, is one that needs quite a bit of attention. Basically, I just need to do it. I need this goal more than any other one, and yet it is the one that gets neglected the quickest.

Eat Vegan Whole Foods

I am proud to say that this goal is going along perfectly. Since October 4, 2019, I haven’t eaten any meat, and I have been working my way into being completely plant-based by December 31. Since I live with my brother, we’re doing this one together (along with eating a lot less sugar), and we’ve already seen some excellent health benefits from it.

One of my favorite meals is pizza, and I always get sad thinking that I will miss pizza when I am vegan. Luckily I found an excellent vegan pizza crust mix, for when I don’t make my own from scratch, and I am enjoying using fresh vegetables and cheese replacements to make big, delicious homemade pizzas that are way better tasting, and way better for me, than store-bought pizza!

Last night I had one of the most beautiful pizzas I have made: big brown mushrooms, little rings of yellow, red, and orange peppers, bright green spinach, and giant tomato chunks with just a bit of Daiya cheddar shreds. Not only was it beautiful, but without all of the cheese, the delicious flavor of all of the vegetables came through.

Create More, Conserve More, Buy Less

I am really getting into being conservative with my spending, which is saying a lot if you know me and know how I love to spend money, because what is it but green pieces of paper. Anyway, I have kept my spending for gas (we have a 2 hour total commute each day), groceries, and entertainment to less than what I budgeted for three months in a row!

I am trying to purchase things that are necessary (do I really need that item?), that nothing I already have will serve the same function (will the things I already have work to do that job?), that I can’t do on my own (sorry Starbucks, but I brew my coffee in my classroom now), and that really bring me some kind of joy in my life (do I need another mug because it has a funny saying on it?). I’ve also gotten into fixing things, instead of just buying new.

My ultimate goal: Live JOYFULLY and feed my SOUL.

This is my ultimate goal, because I know that if I am not searching for joy and nourishment in my life, I am not happy, nor can I help anyone else seek for joy or nourishment. Now, I will be really honest, because of the way I am wired, seeking joy is really difficult for me. I am much the realist, and never really an optimist, but I know that joy and gratitude are the keys to living a long and memorable life, so I keep trying to regroup and see if I can help others.

My brother helps with this: he always sees the good side of things, and he always gives people the benefit of the doubt. I want to be more like him, and I try, but it is really hard to always assume positive intent, think things will turn out okay, to understand that everything happens for a reason, and to make the best of every situation. I will get there, though.

They say if you keep reframing events in the ways in which you can be grateful for them, that you’ll eventually do it automatically. I do not know who they are, but they have to be right, right?

2 Comments

Posted in Advent, Buddhism, Capitalism, Christianity, Christmas, Coffee, Diet, Eating, Fitness, Food, Gleaning, Goals, Grace, Health, Joy, Meditation, Mental Health, New Year, Running, School, Spirituality, Sunday, Swimming, Teacher, Teaching, Trail Running, Vegan, Walking, Wellness, Workout, Writer, Writing

Tagged Advent, Goals, half marathon, holiday run streak, pizza, plant-based, Vegan

Goals, Polar Plunge, and Whole30

Posted on 1 February 2019 | Leave a comment

My goals for 2019:

No social media, except this blog. No smart devices.
Swim, walk, or run every single day, except Sunday. Hopefully run a 50K in October.
Read at least one book each month.
Meditate for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening.
Practice silence and listening, with intention.
Eat mostly real food and fewer carbs, specifically sugar.

I am being moderately successful at most of my goals, though meditation and reading could use a little boost, and I recently returned to Facebook for a hot minute to beg for money for the Polar Plunge. I am enjoying Flippy, the Flip Phone, because I can’t check my email or look things up on the Internet at a moment’s notice, and it’s a real pleasure being free of that encumbrance. I do miss listening to podcasts and having a GPS with me at all times, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

This will be my fifth year doing the Polar Plunge, I believe, and I’ve never had as much of a problem raising money as I am this year. I am sitting right under $500 with three weeks left, and I’d like to raise $1000. I raised close to $1200 last year, so I think I maybe pissed some people off, people don’t have as much money, or not being on social media has been detrimental to my success. Oh, well. I guess $500 is better than nothing. If you want to donate, you can do that by clicking here.

My brother and I are over halfway through our late-start January Whole30, and I can say it feels like a success. Most of my aches are gone, my skin feels less dry, and I feel less bloated and like I’ve lost a bit of weight. I do think I have a bit of a problem with dairy and my joints, because with Whole30 or being vegan, either way, my joints are not as achy and I feel less inflamed.

What I love about being on Whole30 is that I am forced to think outside my go to junk food favorite, pizza, and look toward more interesting food, like the butternut, chicken, apple, hash I made for breakfast yesterday morning, or the eggs in hell that Adam made for breakfast the day before. We haven’t had school for three days because of the weather, so we’ve gotten some really good food and cooking time in this week. More importantly, I’ve gotten to drink amazing Blue Mind Roasting coffee that I made at home with the pour-over method, instead of Starbucks each morning.

Once we complete this Whole30, I am going to remain mostly paleo with Saturdays being a “free day,” where I can eat some of the things I don’t eat the rest of the week. I feel well enough, though, that I’d like to keep inflammatory foods, like dairy and grains, to a minimum. I am not sure where things like beans and corn will fall, but I am not opposed to trying to add them back in occasionally.

Last time I did a Whole30, I tried to keep carbs to a minimum and I got super sore when I tried to do any kind of exercise. This time, I have eaten more potatoes and sweet potatoes, so my body feels a bit better and more energetic. Since I’ve been swimming in the morning and in the afternoon and adding in some extra walking here and there without a considerable amount of soreness, I feel like I can start boosting up my exercise.

This morning I did my first body weight exercise training in a long time, like probably since September. Seriously, I could only do one round of 20 squats, 10 push ups, 20 lunges (10 on each side), 20 dumbbell rows (10 on each side), 15 second plank, and 30 jumping jacks. Pathetic, but it’s a start.

My ultimate goal, as it has been in the past and will be until I drag myself across that finish line, is an Ironman. I’m shooting for Maryland in September of 2020 (607 days, 87 weeks, 19 months), if I can keep myself motivated until then. I figure, I am a cancer, the logo is a crab, so it’s meant to be, right?

Two Weeks: No Social Media

Posted on 10 January 2019 | 2 comments

Today marks the two-week mark for being off of social media. I have tried in vain to delete my Facebook Messenger account, so if you are one of those people who is still sending things there, please know that I am not getting them. Since my mobile devices are in MN, I don’t have a way to deactivate my account for that app, because it is specifically not designed to be used on a computer, so it appears like my account is still active. I assure you, it isn’t. They certainly don’t object to you signing up and checking it compulsively on the computer. I have found the same to be true of so many computer accounts: easy to set up, not easy to delete.

Anyway, here are my thoughts after two weeks. I have read a lot of news and books, and I have planned more efficiently and more effectively for teaching, which is my job after all. I feel like I have devoted more time to quiet, focused activities, rather than worrying about what other people are doing, and rather than worrying about why I am not doing those same things. Comparison is the thief of joy, as I have said before, and when I can’t see what Janet or Phillip is doing, I can’t be jealous, envious, or comparative.

I have also noticed that I am more attentive when I watch a movie or a TV program, because I don’t have my phone in my hand the whole time, checking and writing, checking and waiting, or simply scrolling and not really reading. I can focus more fully, and I remember what I watched on the screen or remember what I did online, because I am not splitting my attention between the two. I am fairly decent at multitasking, but none of us is really as good at it as we think we are.

Those were the goals of this experiment, too, so it helps to see them unfold before me.

The one drawback of this experiment, which I am sure will dissipate over time, is that I feel fairly disconnected from some people I care about. I would imagine that before long, I will watch some friendships cease to exist, I will spend more quality time with fewer friends, or friends who don’t typically reach out, may begin to reach out. We’ll see where this goes, but I can say that this week, in particular, has been a little lonely probably because I am back in Indiana without Bec.

Even though it’s difficult sometimes, I am still focusing on making every day the best day.

Starting on next Monday, January 14, my brother and I are embarking on a Whole30, so that will be another new chapter in my wellness journey. I did a Whole30 once, before living a “paleo/primal” lifestyle for about six months, and I lost a lot of weight, felt really healthy, and completed an Ironman 70.3, so maybe this will help me get out of my wellness funk. Next week, I also plan to start swimming for 30 minutes each morning and walking for 30 minutes after school every day.

My goals for 2019:

No social media, except this blog. No smart devices.
Swim, walk, or run every single day. Hopefully run a 50K in October.
Read at least one book each month.
Meditate for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening.
Practice silence and listening, with intention.
Eat mostly real food and fewer carbs, specifically sugar.

2 Comments

Posted in Diet, Eating, Fat, Fitness, Flippy, Food, Goals, Health, Meditation, Mental Health, Paleo/Primal, Running, Swimming, Triathlon, Walking, Weight Loss, Wellness

Tagged Exercise, facebook, Fitness, flip phone, Health, loneliness, screentime addict, Social Media, social media fast, Wellness, Whole 30, whole30