What I Ate Wednesday

Posted on 19 February 2014 | Leave a comment

Today was a strange day because I didn’t eat my usual healthy dinner with my beautiful wife. I was supposed to attend a short film festival at Ball State with my students in Burris GSA: Prism, but I am still a bit sick and my head was aiming toward migraine, so I went home instead. At any rate, today wasn’t a usual what I ate kind of day.

For breakfast and lunch, I just packed a variety of things in my super-cool lunch bag: photo-38

Today I packed a banana, two oranges, a package of Krave Black Cherry Pork Jerky, and an almond butter and homemade blueberry jelly (those aren’t really peach slices; it’s called reusing) on gluten-free Three Baker’s bread sandwich.

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For dinner, which I was supposed to eat coffee at Bracken in the coffee shop, but I came home instead, I had a lovely gluten-free cheese pizza, a Founder’s Rubaeus Raspberry Ale, an Angry Orchard Original Crisp Apple Hard Cider, and a “Famous Novels First Lines” mug of Sea Salt Carmel Homemade brand ice cream. I’d say this wasn’t the best food day I’ve ever had, but it certainly wasn’t like the time Josh and I ate 50 wings, then Mers and I topped those off with venti green tea Frappuccinos. Ugh. Gut Busted. Anyway, here’s the food.

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And dessert:

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Here’s Josh and I after the wings. I think we look a bit pale:

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I love food, in case you can’t tell, but I know I am supremely blessed both in having food and in having good food. I can cook, and I love it. I can cook, and I have the money to buy quality ingredients. I can cook, and I always enough for friends. I am well aware of the fact that I cook for pleasure and not for survival. Once Bec leaves, I am thinking about reframing my evening cooking as a matter of survival, likely cooking wild rice and sweet potato dishes with some kind of protein, probably chicken. I have some friends who live in Costa Rica and they use a whole chicken for all their main evening meals for the week, repurposing it for different meals and different components of the meal. I figure I can cook the chicken in the crock pot on Sunday and then boil down the carcass for soup for lunches or dinner, using the meat to make rice dishes for the rest of the week. I’ll pair it with broccoli or kale or cabbage, since they’re inexpensive vegetables and go from there. I’m going to try to eat healthy on the cheap. We’ll see. That’d mean much less beer and much less ice cream, because those things are expensive!

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Posted in Beer, Cider, Cooking, Fat, Food, Goals, PBJ, What I Ate Wednesday

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Mystic Monday: Guico I, Solitude

Posted on 17 February 2014 | Leave a comment

“You are aware that in the Old Testament, and especially in the New, almost all the greater and more profound secrets were revealed to God’s friends when they were alone and not in the midst of milling crowds. These same friends of God almost always avoided the hindrance of crowds and sought out the convenience of solitude when they wanted to mediate more deeply on something, or to pray with greater freedom, or when they wished to be removed from earthly concerns through mental energy. […] and you should agree that solitude is the greatest support for sweet psalmody, pious reading, fervent prayer, deep meditation, ecstatic contemplation, and the baptism of tears.” —Guico I, from The Essential Writings of Christian Mysticism

My students and I have been reading the American Romantics for the past six weeks or so, and they are always struck by the amount of time the writers spend alone. I am always envious of the same. What strikes me about Christian mystics, especially the earlier ones, is their love and appreciation for silence, for being alone, and for prayer and meditation. Why aren’t American Christians as dedicated to making space for God’s voice? I try and fail to open up solitude and quiet, even for a few minutes. Thoreau writes in Walden: “I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.” I, too, like to be alone, and I am wearied by even my best and closest friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love being with people, but being real and present with others is exhausting and sometimes confusing. But there is a difference between being alone because I want solitude, like Thoreau, and being alone because I strive to hear the voice of God, like Guico I.

How, then, can I as a 21st century Christian foster the type of solitude that elicits the revelation of God’s profound secrets? Where can I pause, meditate and pray, and hear those deep stirrings that I long for? Most days I am so caught up in my own life and its pressures and deadlines that I forget to take a moment to listen for God. I forget—no I don’t forget—I don’t make time to just be, to just sit in the presence of Nature and listen for God. I worry about the future, when I should just simply be. I try to interpret my past, when I should just simply be. I miss everything present because I am on a deadline. I know that “solitude is the greatest support for sweet psalmody, pious reading, fervent prayer, deep meditation, ecstatic contemplation, and the baptism of tears,” but I will never experience it if I don’t make solitude a priority and not just an escape from the chaos of the world. The solitude I need to experience God is an intentional solitude wherein I try to hear God’s voice, sense God’s presence, and feel God’s joys and sorrows.

I suppose the feeling of God in moments of intentional solitude mirrors Margaret Fuller’s awe at the face of a Niagara Falls that she thought she already knew everything about: “This was the climax of the effect which the falls produced upon me-neither the American nor the British fall moved me as did these rapids. For the magnificence, the sublimity of the latter I was prepared by descriptions and by paintings.” This reminds me of the ways in which God just sort of creeps up on us in the least expected ways. We look toward the falls for the great beauty, but we are taken aback by the simplicity and power of the falls. I hope I can find some ways to be taken in by the sublime nature of God’s unexpected beauty, but I know that will only happen if I make time to seek God intentionally through prayer and meditation in solitude. I wont’ be overcome by rapids in a crowd of people. So, I ask again, how can I make time for beautiful solitude in which I come to expect to hear the voice of God? Possibly I’ll make time for a retreat of solitude this summer, but more intentionally, I’ll make 15 minutes each morning for meditation and prayer.

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Posted in Christianity, Meditation, Mental Health, Mystic Monday, Nature

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I Have a Plan

Posted on 16 February 2014 | Leave a comment

I am guest blogging over here at Where’s the Finish Line, which is my friend Teresa’s amazing blog about her quest for a strong and fulfilling Ironman Wisconsin finish. I am writing my own little posts about every two weeks about my struggle to make it to Racine 70.3 in my own column called “Corby’s Corner.” Stay tuned there, because the posts will be solely related to my struggle to maintain moderation in food and exercise. If you’re interested in that sort of thing, head over there.

So, here’s an update for My 20 Before 40:

1. Run a marathon. I signed up for the Twin Cities Medtronic Marathon on October 5, so I have 230 days to get myself to be able to run a 6 hour or less marathon.
2. Finish the Racine 70.3 on July 21 in under 8 hours. I have signed up for this, and it’s 153 days away. My goal is to finish the 13.1 mile run in under 3 hours.
3. Swim a 500 in 7:30 minutes. This needs some work.
4. Do yoga every morning. Yeah, not so much.
5. Do a 30 burpees in 30 days challenge. I am going to start this on the day after Bec moves to MN. I figure it’s a good way to work off anxiety.
6. Ride a century ride on the bicycle. I need to sign up for something to motivate me to do this.
7. Meditate for at least 15 minutes each day. Yeah, not so much.
8. Eat paleo at least 80% of the time. Um, well, I am doing something a bit different with this: eating when hungry. Eating foods that bring me joy.
9. Try foods that aren’t the usual things I eat. I’ve had gluten-free granola, and I bought some whole-grain, gluten-free bread for PBJs for lunch.
10. Visit every Indiana state park with my brother. I think we might be back to breweries/cideries/distilleries. Who knows what we’re doing here.
11. Learn to cook one new thing each month. So far we’ve tried oxtail stew and shark. Next month, I am going to make haggis.
12. Do not drink alcohol until my birthday. This isn’t even something that makes sense for me. I love a good beer, cider, bourbon, scotch, or mead. Why be miserable?
13. Read the whole Bible. Working on it.
14. Finish the Sketchbook Project book. Decided just to fill my own sketchbook. It’s going slowly.
15. Finish my master’s degree in creative writing. Publish. Yeah. This. Class.
16. Post a blog post every Sunday. Well, I am trying, but it isn’t working. More about this goal below.
17. Get a new tattoo. I’m going to do this after Racine 70.3.
18. Lose 60 pounds. Um, yeah, about this. Why the fuck can I never lose weight?!
19. Find a job doing something I love. This may be a pipe dream, but I hope it works out.
20. Read a new book each week. I am reading so much for school, it feels as if I am reading a new book each day!

Blogging. Blogging. Blogging.

So I’ve decided that I am going to put a bit more format into my blogging efforts. I am going to write about a different goal in my list each week, with a bit more in depth of a focus. For the most part, I am going to go in order, but tonight I want to write about how I plan to structure this blog, so I can get a couple more posts in each week. Some of these post topics or ideas came from my friends’ blogs, so they aren’t original ideas at all, just themes that may help me to be more diligent in thinking about my life with focus.

So here goes:

Mystic Mondays: I’ll chose some Biblical or theological text, story, or scripture to discuss. I made this one up on my own, like the super smart kid I am. Haha!

What I Ate Wednesday: I’ll write about everything I eat that day, and I’ll include pictures when I can. I stole this from Teresa, who stole it from someone else.

Fiction Fridays: I expect my students to write reflections for Fridays about what they’ve read through the week. I think I’ll start doing the same. Some works won’t be fiction, but I’ll still call it Fiction Fridays. I stole the idea for this from many of my friends who write blogs or maintain some sort of online presence. I reserve the right to reflect on art, movies, television, news, literature, music, or any other creative endeavor.

And Sunday, Sunday will be my regular blogging day where I talk about what the heck is going on with one goal from the list. I hope in this way, this space will become more relevant and more regular so folks start reading again. The last Sunday of each month, I’ll reevaluate my goals, instead of discussing one in depth. Now, let’s just hope I can keep up with this. Writing brings me joy, so how is this so difficult?

Let’s do this.

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Posted in Art, Beer, Biking, Buddhism, Christianity, Cider, Cooking, Cycling, Education, Food, Goals, Grace, Joy, Meditation, Mental Health, Paleo/Primal, PBJ, Reading, Relationships, Religion, Running, School, Spirituality, Sunday, Swimming, Tattoos, Triathlon, Vegetarian or Vegan, Writing

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Writing, Art, and Reading

Posted on 7 February 2014 | 3 comments

Some of my goals are coming along a wee bit slower than I’d like:

  1. Read the whole Bible.
  2. Read a new book each week.
  3. Draw every night before I go to bed.
  4. Write more frequently and with more depth.

These goals aren’t trivial little ones, but they are the ones I perceive to give me lifeblood, humanity, and centeredness. Here are some samples of what I have been able to crank out. Please know I recognize the limited talent in the re-beginnings of my creativity. When I let something like my creativity lie dormant for so long, I have found that it takes much more than I previously suspected to get it revved back up.

Here is a doorknob, my hand, and a lamp:

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Here is a writing in response to the prompt: “If you only had fifty words, what would you say?” I added the additional requirement of using five words per line, then I separated it into more musical lines. It’s not very poetic, but it gets the idea across and fulfills the assignment.

To Educators in Indiana

Do not give up.
Remember why you became a teacher.
A calling? To correct wrongs done to you long ago?
To make this place better?
To leave an indelible mark for good, better, best humanity?
Surely you did not
become a teacher
to watch roomfulls of students
take inane tests.

I also wrote this piece of crap (self-deprecating, I know) based on a prompt from Natalie Shapero’s poem “Stars.” I used one of her lines: “best now just to kneel.”

Best now just to kneel

Confess your sins; good girl should
Tell them all; bad girl must
Softly now and truly now

Clean the floors; hands and knees
Until they shine; show your disfigured face
Quickly now and carefully now

Take it; you know you want it
Don’t cry; you know you want it
Slowly now and slowly

Best now just to kneel

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Posted in Just for Fun

February 1: Reviving the Revival

Posted on 1 February 2014 | 2 comments

For most of my life, as you’ve read countless times here, I make goals, promise commitment and then fail. Not this, my friends, not this time. I am renewing my New Year’s resolutions right now for one more month. If I go month by month, will I have greater success?

I have these goals, and I’ll be damned if I won’t succeed. I have quit Twitter and Facebook in favor of writing and sketching. I have signed up for Racine 70.3 and the Medtronic Marathon (Big Shoulders comes next month), and I have mapped out my training. I have committed to a mostly paleo diet, and with the exception of a few moments of weakness (like the pancakes this morning and the ice cream on Thursday), I have succeeded. I am teaching Bible as Literature, so I am carefully reading along with my students. I have re-read some classic texts, and I am reading some new ones now. I’m making it happen.

So why, then, am I so stressed out? I’m wound up tight, and I can’t figure out why. Is it the moving stress? Is it job-related stress? Is it friends? Enemies (I don’t think I have any of those)? Is it the feelings of pressure or of helplessness in the face of some perceived adversity? Is it because the weight isn’t just falling off this time around? I’m 40, I shouldn’t expect it to, right? I’m not sure, but since I have some of the other things under wraps, I’m going to focus this week on maintaining the workout schedule, and adding in meditation. Contemplation. Just thinking about thinking.

There is this: Primal Living.

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Posted in Goals, Just for Fun, Meditation, Mental Health